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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this isn't appropriate?

81 replies

skittycat · 21/09/2017 08:01

I'll try make this short - I'm looking for opinions as I'm after confirmation I'm not over reacting like I usually do.

I have a close friend (male) and once a week we do something on the evening (bowling, cinema etc) and then I stop at his. We are just friends, but quite close & I sleep in bed with him as there is nowhere else for me to sleep & we were both fine to do so.

Recently he's been talking to girls on snapchat/whatsapp/tinder on a night after I've fallen to sleep. Receiving explicit photos and messages & has on occasion sent explicit pictures of himself back.

He seems to think this is perfectly okay to do so but it doesn't seem appropriate to me - AIBU?

OP posts:
sparklefarts · 21/09/2017 08:02

Er you what now?
You either need to fess up to him that you want a relationship, or let him get on with his own love and draw som boundaries
Hmm

vivaVasLagas · 21/09/2017 08:03

Sexting isn't something I'd do but between consenting adults, I don't see an issue.

Is it because you're there?

It's fairly unusual for grown men and women to sleep together platonically, isn't it?

gorygloria · 21/09/2017 08:05

Do you want more than friendship? If you shared a bed with a female friend and she did the same with potential dates, would it bother you?

Alexandra87 · 21/09/2017 08:06

I think you need to admit to yourself that you would like to be more than friends.

TheNaze73 · 21/09/2017 08:06

Am I missing something? I can't see what is has to do with you?

TheDodgyEnd · 21/09/2017 08:07

Just out of curiosity, how do you know he's doing this if you're asleep?

2014newme · 21/09/2017 08:08

He's just a friend so he's free to text whoever he wants. It's not inappropriate. Sounds like you want to be more than friends

AlternativeTentacle · 21/09/2017 08:08

If you can afford these nights out, then go and buy a blow up bed and let him get on with what he does at night, without you cramping his [quite sad and seedy] style.

Or think 'is this actually the sort of person I want to hang out with' and get less seedy friends.

Llamacorn · 21/09/2017 08:08

Is it because your lying next to him and he's 'excited' sending messages? Or is it because you have further feelings for him?

Either way, he is a grown man and is single. You can either tell him how you feel, sleep on the couch or end your nights before a sleepover.

Trills · 21/09/2017 08:09

Sexting while someone else is in the room is yuck.

Pengggwn · 21/09/2017 08:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

smellybeanpole · 21/09/2017 08:11

Don't sleep in his bed. Simples.

Sooooooooooooooooooooo · 21/09/2017 08:11

But you're not in a relationship so what does it matter?

Although sending pictures whilst he's next to you is a bit weird, you'd think he'd do it when he was on his own.

alohaimnew · 21/09/2017 08:11

Admit to him (and yourself) you want something more than just a platonic friendship. You find what he's doing 'wierd' because you are jealous.

Sirzy · 21/09/2017 08:12

Sounds like in your mind the lines between friendship and relationship are starting to blur?

drivingmisspotty · 21/09/2017 08:13

I'm surprised at the answers you are getting. Of course it is inappropriate for him to take and send dick pics when he is in the same room as you! It would be the same with a female friend.

But I am intrigued to know how you found out and what his reaction is? And how are you feeling? Is it just ewww or a bit of jealousy that he is part attention to other women?

Trills · 21/09/2017 08:13

You find what he's doing 'wierd' because you are jealous.

Nah - this still would be weird if he was doing it while they were sharing a sofa.

She may or may not want more from the relationship but the bed thing is a red herring.

Sexting while someone else is in the room is gross.

Only1scoop · 21/09/2017 08:13

How do you know if you're asleep?

Why would that bother you....he's your mate?

ShatnersWig · 21/09/2017 08:15

Sexting while someone else is lying in the same bed is of course not on.

Anything else is red herring.

alohaimnew · 21/09/2017 08:15

Admit to him (and yourself) you want something more than just a platonic friendship. You find what he's doing 'wierd' because you are jealous.

SparklyMagpie · 21/09/2017 08:15

You can't really tell him to stop, he's single and it's his place. If you don't like it don't stay over

gorygloria · 21/09/2017 08:16

Op didn't say he's snapping his cock whilst she's in bed, just sending pics. He's probably got them already in his photo album.

Fantasticmissfoxy · 21/09/2017 08:16

Yes it's inappropriate - but the solution isn't for him to stop sexting (I think it's gross personally but he's a grown, single adult, in his own home) the solution is for you to get your arse out of his bed!

PringlesPirate · 21/09/2017 08:19

Yabu
It’s not inappropriate to sleep in a Friends bed.
It’s not inappropriate for a friend to use their private time how they like.

It is inappropriate to look at someone’s messages regardless of whether they’ve left the phone unlocked and on next to them.

Other than that, I would need some more information, as suspect massive drip feed

DinnaeKnowShitFromClay · 21/09/2017 08:22

In the situation you describe I would think it far more likely he is sending photos to his male friends with a bit of your body lying next to him in the shot in a 'Look I'm in bed with an actual woman' , sort of way.