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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this isn't appropriate?

81 replies

skittycat · 21/09/2017 08:01

I'll try make this short - I'm looking for opinions as I'm after confirmation I'm not over reacting like I usually do.

I have a close friend (male) and once a week we do something on the evening (bowling, cinema etc) and then I stop at his. We are just friends, but quite close & I sleep in bed with him as there is nowhere else for me to sleep & we were both fine to do so.

Recently he's been talking to girls on snapchat/whatsapp/tinder on a night after I've fallen to sleep. Receiving explicit photos and messages & has on occasion sent explicit pictures of himself back.

He seems to think this is perfectly okay to do so but it doesn't seem appropriate to me - AIBU?

OP posts:
Trills · 21/09/2017 08:23

You've told him you think it's gross to sext wile you're in the same room as other people.

I agree with you.

He doesn't agree with you.

So what's your next step?

If you said "I don't want to stay over if you're going to sext people while I'm here", what would he say?

Birdsgottafly · 21/09/2017 08:24

I had a truly good platonic male friend and I kipped on his couch.

There would be times that I went on very bad first dates and used to go back to his for emotional support, again I slept on the couch. Sometimes he'd sleep on the opposite couch (after a drinking session).

It was before the days of all this.

It's inappropriate, but I'd suggest getting out of his bed, tbh.

I wouldn't go for a relationship because he's in the habit of sex texting etc in your presence and I've never known that to change. The disrespect is already there.

Unless he's gone into another room.

Pengggwn · 21/09/2017 08:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FakePlasticTeaLeaves · 21/09/2017 08:26

You know its weird you sleep in the same bed right? I have loads of male friend but wouldn't sleep in bed with them. My best friend is male and I sleep in the bed and he takes the floor or sofa if I stay.

Anyways - is he taking photos of himself and sending them, or just texting rude words? It is pretty weird anyways, but if you don't like it, I'd suggest you probably take the couch.

blueskyinmarch · 21/09/2017 08:28

If he is taking snaps of his cock while you are asleep in bed beside him then that is inappropriate.

If he is chatting to women and sending pictures he already has in his photo library then that is fine.

Original poster
skittycat · 21/09/2017 08:28

I haven't told him to stop nor have I told him my thoughts on it. I wanted to gage opinion on it first.

I don't want a relationship from him. We are just good friends.

I know he's doing it because he's told me & because he has previously shown me one of the pictures he has received. He has taken the picture whilst I've been asleep - he told me this when he got drunk once.

I have no intention of telling he needs to stop, but I will be reevaluating where I sleep.

Yes I would feel the same if I was in bed with a female friend and she starting sending explicit pictures of herself to men.

Yes it concerns me he may also be wanking as well.

Sorry if I've missed any other questions

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 21/09/2017 08:31

OP, is he in bed with you during this, or going into another room?

Grilledaubergines · 21/09/2017 08:31

Stop staying over.

Original poster
skittycat · 21/09/2017 08:32

He is in bed next to me when he's doing it. Sending mainly messages but also a couple of pictures.

OP posts:
FakePlasticTeaLeaves · 21/09/2017 08:34

If he is actually taking the photos whilst you are in bed next to him, that's is grim.

Pengggwn · 21/09/2017 08:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FakePlasticTeaLeaves · 21/09/2017 08:35

Also, is he OK? Seems very odd he can't restrain himself from snapping images of his cock for one evening whilst you're there

OnionKnight · 21/09/2017 08:36

That's disgusting.

LoniceraJaponica · 21/09/2017 08:39

I would judge him for sending dick pics to anyone. It's just so seedy and adolescent.

Birdsgottafly · 21/09/2017 08:40

X post.

Also, I can only imagine that the Geordie Shore cast has been responding, because it isn't ok to lie in bed next to someone and look at what is real life/time porn and take pictures of your hard-on (and lets face it, he will be having a wank).

It would change my opinion of him, even as a friend tbh.

You are not overreacting at all.

TheDodgyEnd · 21/09/2017 08:41

If you don't want a relationship with him and he's told you about messages and even shown you messages (I mean it's not great and a bit gross) but he's not trying to be creepy so just stop sleeping in his bed if you feel uncomfortable. If he asks why you can just tell him the issue x

Guavaf1sh · 21/09/2017 08:43

All sounds odd. Why on Earth are you still sharing a bed if he's sending dick pics while you're there!

missperegrinespeculiar · 21/09/2017 08:43

yeah, if you REALLY have to do sexting, you do it on your own, not when a friend is staying, especially if she is next to you in bed!

JWrecks · 21/09/2017 08:44

Ohhh, so he's taking photos of... himself, and possible doing other thing to himself, while you're right there next to him??

That's not appropriate.

If you mean to keep up these arrangements, then what I would do is one night while he's doing that, 'wake up' and say something like "OY what are you doing?! Eww I'm right here mate gross, put it away!"

He'll likely stop after that!

MarcelineTheVampire · 21/09/2017 08:45

YANBU that is grim.

Time to say something and/or if he won't stop whilst you are in the bed then it's time to stop staying over!!

Nandostodayplease · 21/09/2017 08:49

Sleep.on the sofa?

AnyFucker · 21/09/2017 08:50

Is this the best you can do, love ?

demirose87 · 21/09/2017 08:53

The solution is simple, just stop sleeping in bed with him and draw some boundaries.

demirose87 · 21/09/2017 08:53

The solution is simple, just stop sleeping in bed with him and draw some boundaries.

maddiemookins16mum · 21/09/2017 08:53

All sounds a bit yucky to me. I'd stop sharing the bed too.