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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this isn't appropriate?

81 replies

skittycat · 21/09/2017 08:01

I'll try make this short - I'm looking for opinions as I'm after confirmation I'm not over reacting like I usually do.

I have a close friend (male) and once a week we do something on the evening (bowling, cinema etc) and then I stop at his. We are just friends, but quite close & I sleep in bed with him as there is nowhere else for me to sleep & we were both fine to do so.

Recently he's been talking to girls on snapchat/whatsapp/tinder on a night after I've fallen to sleep. Receiving explicit photos and messages & has on occasion sent explicit pictures of himself back.

He seems to think this is perfectly okay to do so but it doesn't seem appropriate to me - AIBU?

OP posts:
5rivers7hills · 21/09/2017 08:55

There is really no sofa for you to sleep on? You really can't get a taxi back?

It is quite unusual to share a bed like this.

MayCatt · 21/09/2017 08:56

Perhaps platonically sharing a bed with you is making him frustrated so he's found an 'outlet' Confused Grim grim grim.

Original poster
skittycat · 21/09/2017 08:57

@AnyFucker it's a genuine situation. I am aware that there are many trolls out there but I am not one of them.

I came on to get opinions of which I have now received & need to reevaluate this arrangement going forwards.

OP posts:
user1495832265 · 21/09/2017 08:59

Don't think that's what AF was getting at OP.

ReanimatedSGB · 21/09/2017 09:00

There's nothing grim about it - some people like sexting (and there is no reason to suggest he is harassing unwilling others). But if it makes OP feel uncomfortable, then she needs to make other sleeping arrangements.
OP, if you're worried about hurting his feelings, you could perhaps get a pet or something that you 'have to' get back home to feed and stop staying over. Because, if you value his friendship but would just rather not share a bed any more, it's better not to make it all 'EWW you pervert, you actually have a sex life, how dare you?'.

Flyingflipflop · 21/09/2017 09:00

If you wake up and the pillow is stuck to your face, you know he's doing more than just sexting.....

AnnieAnoniMouse · 21/09/2017 09:02

He's a friend, if you're being honest with yourself & you really don't want anymore than that, I wouldn't have an issue with it. Not even if he was wanking, so long as he didn't wake me up. I'd be upset if I did want more than friendship, but then I'd talk to him.

Who a friend talks to, or what they do with their own body (not mine) while I'm sleeping is their business, so long as it doesn't disturb me.

Fat chance with me though, I wake up if a butterfly flaps it's wings the other side of the world.

Original poster
skittycat · 21/09/2017 09:04

@user1495832265 ohhh - sorry @anyfucker I didn't consider it another way.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 21/09/2017 09:05

Yeah that's not ok. Why is he showing you explicit pics of other women and telling you what he does when your asleep. It's weird. Something wrong with that dude.

Original poster
skittycat · 21/09/2017 09:06

Clearly it's a very divisive subject!

OP posts:
FakePlasticTeaLeaves · 21/09/2017 09:09

Maybe he does it whilst you're there, as he can't restrain himself due to being a sex addict.

I'm just throwing that in the conversation based on no real evidence and for no real reason.

AnyFucker · 21/09/2017 09:14

Op, the best "friend" you can find includes you in his "sex" life without your permission.

Although, tbh, the fact you have continued to sleep next to him knowing exactly what he is up to makes me question quite how "unwilling" you actually are

Grim

DioneTheDiabolist · 21/09/2017 09:14

I don't think it is a divisive subject in fact it's quite simple OP, if you don't like it, don't stay over in his bed.

FrustratedTeddyLamp · 21/09/2017 09:17

Wanking and taking photos aren't on if he were doing it, Sexting not something I would do but if he's not do

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 21/09/2017 09:21

I think he wants more from you. He's telling you about these other women to make you jealous or in his misguided mind, thinks you might find it a turn on?
I can't think why else he would "involve" you in his hobby of sexting. Confused

womaninatightspot · 21/09/2017 09:28

I've shared beds with male friends when single. I don't see a problem with it. I'd find the sexting cringey too. It's not what you do when someone else is around sleeping or not. Not sure I'd be a massive fan of anyone who sent that sort of stuff and would let the friendship drift to an end.

PurpleMinionMummy · 21/09/2017 09:30

Yes it probably is. But you sharing a bed together is weird too so the boundaries are all rather blurred

FrustratedTeddyLamp · 21/09/2017 09:38

Wow it said it didn't send. if he's not doing anything except texting I see not much wrong

TipTopTipTopClop · 21/09/2017 09:39

Terribly weird and quite possibly untrue.

Why would you agree to such an awkward arrangement?

Ginkypig · 21/09/2017 09:54

Him sexting is his choice but him exposing himself and taking pictures while your sleeping next to him is disgusting and massively disrespectful.

If you choose to still stay over I think you should sleep apart.

He doesn't see any problem so you won't get him to stop so you will have to stop it for yourself.

Your friend isn't being much of one at the moment and I'm sorry about that.

existentialmoment · 21/09/2017 09:58

Him sexting in his own bed in his own house is not inappropriate. But what is is you being in it in the first place.
Get some boundaries.

kali110 · 21/09/2017 10:07

Yanbu at all, can't believe the responses.
I've shared a bed with male and female friends and i'd feel disgusted if they were doing this! ( i certainly was not interested in anything with any of them, its possible to only be a friend and share a bed...)
I wouldn't share the bed with him again, i'd probably feel a bit different about him too!

Kittykat93 · 21/09/2017 10:13

Seems really simple to me - stop sleeping in his bed Smile

gingergenius · 21/09/2017 10:33

Does he not have a sofa???

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 21/09/2017 10:39

Stop sleeping in his bed. Simple.

I know you will continue to deny it, but the only reason I can think that you would want to share his bed 'as a friend' is that you actually want more. Especially if you know he's getting up to mischief while you're right there. It's just weird behaviour all round to be honest.