Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Working adult kids and Christmas?

130 replies

thekittensmittens76 · 20/09/2017 18:32

Do yours come home? Do you get angry if they don't?

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 20/09/2017 20:06

Sorry, posting on phone. Paragraphs don't work apparently, and it double posted too.

mathanxiety · 20/09/2017 20:06

Sorry, posting on phone. Paragraphs don't work apparently, and it double posted too.

mathanxiety · 20/09/2017 20:06

Poop

LazyDailyMailJournos · 20/09/2017 20:07

If OP is home Xmas Eve, Day and BD then she's surely home for Xmas - in which case WTF is her DM upset for? Is she expected to present herself for the full 12 day festive period?!

Bonkers.

ludog · 20/09/2017 20:09

I'm Irish and both dh and I are from big families. I was at my parents house for Christmas last year for the first time in 20 years. We live in the east and both families live in the west so when we bought our own house we started having Christmas there and would travel to see and stay with both families between Christmas and New Year. My parents were going to be alone last year for a variety of reasons so we all decamped to theirs instead. My parents and my MIL love to see us at some stage during Christmas but no pressure on exactly when that is.

Maelstrop · 20/09/2017 20:11

Christmas is no big deal for me, but ma sees it as important. My dh works shifts so getting Christmas Day off is rare and ma doesn't get why I won't 'come home' (I am bloody home in my own house!) if he's working. How miserable would that be for him!

I think once you're grown, there's no reason you have to go home and I don't think parents should expect invitations to their grown up dc's houses.

CoyoteCafe · 20/09/2017 20:13

I take it this is the first you that you aren't going to spend Christmas with mum. She'll get over it. They all do.

My children are young adults and I know that my time of having them all at Christmas could come to an end at any point, so I'm making the most of it while it last. But since my DH and I decided early on in our marriage that we liked spending Christmas with just each other and our children, I won't really be able to say much. It would be a bit hypocritical to not let them grow up.

TableMirror · 20/09/2017 20:13

We no longer do Christmas on my side of the family, we have our own celebration in January. It means no one needs to worry about which side of the family they see that year and we can get really fancy crackers in the January sale 😂 it also breaks up the moment, cost of present shopping and travelling!

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 20/09/2017 20:14

If I had any technological skills I would do a link to the ESB Christmas ad with Dusty Springfield singing I think I'm going home.

travelmad · 20/09/2017 20:15

In my family we have a 4 members of NHS staff, 2 members of retail staff and an overseas worker, as well as being spread out across the UK. There is no chance of us all getting together at Christmas so we all do our own celebrations as then all try to get together for a fake Christmas in late November/early December or January, whenever suits the most people. It works well for us, and we have a fabulous time whenever we do get the chance to all meet up.

My DC are only tiny but I'd hate to think they'd feel pressured to come home for Christmas when they are adults, especially if they had partners and wanted a quiet Christmas together. As long as we have a celebration together over the winter period i'll be happy!

Allthebestnamesareused · 20/09/2017 20:17

So what does the mother consider to be Christmas? When from and until?

KindleBueno · 20/09/2017 20:17

Irish mammys are the reason we don't go home for Christmas!

bridgetreilly · 20/09/2017 20:18

Around about this time of year, every year, I can feel myself growing tense. I loathe Christmas and have a lot of bad memories associated with it. As a result, I haven't always spent Christmas with family. At the moment I live very near my family and will sometimes go away for Christmas to avoid it all. I honestly don't see what's wrong with choosing a quiet, stress-free day, over constant anxiety and family rows.

My parents aren't thrilled about my choices, but they don't get angry.

PollyFlint · 20/09/2017 20:21

I'm sure my parents would be a little hurt if they didn't see any of their kids at Christmas, but they certainly don't expect to see all of us every year and as we all work and they don't, they are flexible about when they see us and where and are happy to fit round us. They don't make demands that we all have to travel to their house.

Glumglowworm · 20/09/2017 20:22

When I was a child we only ever had Christmas at home with my parents, me and my sister. We would usually visit grandparents at some point over the Christmas holidays (teacher parents) but sometimes couldn't due to weather etc as it was several hours drive to either set of grandparents

Now I'm in my early thirties and since I was 18 I have been at my mums, at my dads, at friends houses (two different friends), and on my own. I'm NC with my sister so we alternated years at my mums for a while.

I originally had Christmas alone because of work, I don't work weekends or bank holidays but do work Christmas Eve and the days between Christmas and new year. I don't drive and live a good four hours from either parent so travelling isn't always possible if I don't get time off as trains tend not to run on Boxing Day. But the last few years I've chosen to be alone, I love it because I can do exactly what I want, I do presents under the tree and Christmas dinner and Christmas films and doctor who.

Neither of my parents mind what I do, it's my choice.

My step mum is extremely close to her four children but on Christmas she goes round visiting each of them in their homes, as they all have children of their own and my dad wouldn't let her have all of them in his house at once

LovingLola · 20/09/2017 20:23

I seriously hope when DS grows up that he doesn't think its fine to drop in a few days before or after Christmas.

Why should he not think it's fine to to that.
I have a sister in law who has a very controlling mother. In August she emails each of her 3 adult children (all married with children of their own) and asks them what time they will be arriving on Xmas Day. I think she is a sandwich short of a picnic but she has been like this for years!

NC4now · 20/09/2017 20:27

My mum sees Christmas as a two week celebration. It's overbearing. For us it's three days which she's included in with the one rule that Christmas Eve is boxed off for us, and we have our Christmas Eve buffet, pjs and traditions of our own.

fleshmarketclose · 20/09/2017 20:31

For now my lot descend on me for Christmas and they are very welcome . I do expect this will change though as they get married/live with a partner etc. They come here for now because I'm the best cook,their younger siblings are here and it's my birthday.
I will miss big family Christmases when they stop I suppose but intend on going away for Christmas instead and I'm looking forward to that.

CadnoDrwg · 20/09/2017 20:32

When I met DH I had one final Christmas at home with my family then I was told if we were still together the next Christmas it's be time to start my own Christmas traditions at my own home.

I was heartbroken! But it did mean that when DD was born there was no question about where we spent Christmas Eve and Christmas day.

choli · 20/09/2017 20:34

Oh God I used to hate that Irish pressure to go "home" for Christmas. Once I moved to the US I never went to Ireland for Christmas again, and never missed it in any way. The expectation that you would stay from Christmas to New Years, the seeing way too much of your family, the stupid gift buying crap.

There does not seem to be the same pressure on Christmas in the US, Thanksgiving is the big family get together.

jellyshoeswithdiamonds · 20/09/2017 20:35

My dd works p/t locally she HAS TO work either xmas day or ny, seeing as she will be in New York for ny work want her in xmas day.

This completely messes up our traditional xmas day so instead I've suggested we have a "posh xmas breakfast" after presents and have our dinner when she finishes work after 4pm.

Since suggesting this to family, who thought it a good idea (staggered) I've realised I can now go the pub with the rest of them when I woukd normally be cooking dinner Grin

That last bit may sound martyrish but it isn't really I drink a nice bottle of wine while cooking in peace while their all at the pub Wine

Ninjamilo · 20/09/2017 20:38

I'm already being guilt tripped for even suggesting that me and hubby may do aomething alone this year rather than going to my parents...

pipnchops · 20/09/2017 20:39

Speaking as an adult child who has had many years of being guilt tripped into spending Christmas day with DM. I now have DC and I'm just going to make the most of Christmases with them while they're young and accept that once they're adults they'll do as they please. I would hope they'd want to spend Christmas with me but understand that it's not always going to be possible.

Luxembourgmama · 20/09/2017 20:40

I thought everyone had pressure about Christmas didn't realise it was an Irish thing (I'm Irish) I'm escaping to my non Irish in laws for a considerably more relaxed affair. It is unreasonable to expect adult kids to always be there

thecolonelbumminganugget · 20/09/2017 20:40

About 10 years ago I went abroad to spend Christmas with a friend to break the guilt cycle of Christmas with my family. It worked a treat and I do see them all over the Christmas period but not to a fixed Rota now and the last two years DH and I have spent the day together which has been amazing. This year his family have dictated that we must spend it with them and I can't seem to get out of it. Next year I'm booking us a holiday!