To think that weddings are out of control?

[Ambonsai]

Invitations- kids invited or not?
Childcare nightmares
Partners invited or not? Ceremony, daytime, nighttime invites?
Abroad?- 3 hen/stag parties
Poems- cash requests
Food/ allergies/unfed guests
Who pays for Bridesmaids dresses, that will never be worn again?

Whats the divorce rate? Cynical,me?!!

I'm off work poorly today so perhaps it's me but.... what?

All of this is why me and DP are planning to elope.

Seriously I can't ever imagine giving up months of my life to the tedious task of having to organise the minutiae of a 'big wedding'. I can understand why some want to, but it's not for me I'm afraid.

@Ambonsai Most people aren't in event management and arranging a large party at a venue with which they are not familiar with is a significant undertaking. Additionally the standard etiquette rules are not applied to most of our lives so people find it a minefield when they try to organize a formal occasion. Then you add in the hurt feelings/strong opinions of family members and it all starts to spiral.

People will pay £20 per head for a works do with chicken in a basket and a disco or covers band, but are surprised when it costs at least three times that for a formal event with table linens and waitress service/drinks thrown in.

Sayyouwill- just think weddings cause nothing but trouble- and most people get divorced anyway!

Great threads though aren't they? Almost as good as MILs with keys and Easter chocolate ones

That's such a miserable outlook!
I mean I do understand but I am a wedding manager so I deal with brides and grooms on a daily basis and some are a bit OTT. But the look on their face on the day, the love in the room, it's all the build up that's stressful, the actual day is amazing 99% of the time

I don't think most people get divorced anyway do they? The last stats I can see are 42%, and we don't know how many of those are second time divorcees so whilst 42% of marriages fail it won't necessary follow that 42% of people who get married will end up divorced.

I do agree with you on the weddings. We got married nearly 10 years ago and the whole circus thing was mind-blowing. All the drama and upset from all manner of people who should have kept their opinions to themselves and the potential of hideous expense, all focussing on the wedding and not one of them thinking about the marriage. Nuts.

DP and I have been engaged for over a year and neither of us can be arsed to plan / splash out on a wedding. We wanted to elope but it went down like a tonne of shit with our parents

Great threads though aren't they? Almost as good as MILs with keys and Easter chocolate ones

Definitely. Best of all, they're all-year-round entertainment, unlike Easter chocolate, paying to sit next to kids on planes, and (my favourite) Christmas goat threads. The madness of the bridezilla and OTT hen parties can crop up at any time.

I know, very miserable.
Forgive me.

And everyone dressing up in uncomfortable ill fitting clothes. That includes the bride, why women want to get dressed up like a princess is beyond me.
And the drunkenness, why?
If you look at it from a distance it's almost comical.

So buy clothes that fit?
People like to feel special and people like to drink... I really don't see a problem with either

And the drunkenness, why?

Because without that a wedding would be even more tedious. At least you can enjoy a few drinks and laugh at the catsbumfaced pearl-clutchers hissing disapproval with comments like "And the drunkenness, why?'

I do agree that the time leading up to a wedding can be a bit of a nightmare. Also agree stag/hen do's are totally out of hand. But a lovely wedding is a great thing IMHO. When it all goes smoothly and it more or less usually does. Anyway it's a tradition,.

Weddings are what you want them to be, for the bride and groom or for the guests.

Stick to your budget and go from there. It only becomes a minefield if you try to go into some weird competition with others. Chose venue, meal and dress you can afford and you like.

Same for guests, why do you have to wear something uncomfortable? Buy something in your own size, wear the same thing several times - really no one cares - buy cheaply on ebay in the sales or Primark if you want something new.

I liked my wedding, I hope guests enjoyed it too. We tried to organise it so everybody had a good time, nothing lasting too long, no standing up for hours whilst the wedding party disappear to take photos, a decent meal. We only invited the guests we could afford, so no evening 2nd tier guests , no cash bar, lots of seating areas with drinks and tea and coffee for people who didn't want to dance. Haven't heard any complain, most guests stayed very late and we both had a lovely time.

I like weddings, nice party, time to spend with my DH and families or friends.

You forgot the "Save the Date" cards sent millennia in advance!
What happened to the time when you received a nice, plain invitation for an 11:00 or 11:30 or 12 noon wedding in the local church, followed by lunch at a pleasant hotel with pretty gardens for photos and the happy couple left for the honeymoon just after tea time?

It's like pfb syndrome though.

You can only see it after you've made a tit of yourself and by that time it's so hard to own your faux pas that you pretend it was the best day (or bumbo, or eye wateringly expensive travel system) in the whole world and everyone should do it just like that...

Or so I've heard...

You don't have to have an expensive big wedding.

We just had a simple church wedding followed by an afternoon reception, for about 40 people, followed by a simple week in the med for the honeymoon.

It didn't take us months of planning nor break the bank.

You forgot the "Save the Date" cards sent millennia in advance!

I love the save the date cards! It makes planning my holidays or my time so much easier, if I know there's a wedding. Getting an invitation 6 to 8 weeks before the big day is a bloody pain, either you miss it but sometimes you would have loved to come, or you have to rearrange all your plans.

It's even more important when you invite guests from abroad.

Keep the save-the-dates!
keep the wedding lists!
They make life a million times easier.

I have never heard of an afternoon wedding, nothing wrong with them, but even my grand-parents had an evening reception.

I loved my wedding
It was very simple
No dramas

You appear to have thought an awful lot about this. I'm not sure it's normal to give this much of a shit, particularly when you're not planning your own wedding.

I assume you decline every wedding invite you receive then? And simply get your material for this thread by reading other threads and internet-based information?

May I suggest you consider a hobby, some employment, education or voluntary work because you appear to have an unfilled void in your life....

The saddest wedding I remember was one where no expense was spared, everything was perfect and a very expensive honeymoon. The day they got back from honeymoon, so exactly 2 weeks later, the bride ran off with a friend of the grooms. When finally found several days later she said, "I just found married life dull." Says it all really.

Could I address the Ops concerns? I'm also available as wedding planner. coughs and prepares the clip board

Invitations- kids invited or not? easily resolved by the simple Q - are they named on the invitation? If Jaiden-Kai and Chiraz-Mae aren't named then they aren’t invited.

Childcare nightmares - not the brides problem

Partners invited or not? Ceremony, daytime, nighttime invites? are they on the invitation? This is the big clue. No name, no go.
You go to the bit on the invitation; cChurch + breakfast + shindig OR church + shindig. If it's the latter no one actually expects you to go to the church, thats optional and no you dont have to hang round a strange city centre for 5 hours until you are required to shake your groove thing to a selection of disco hits from the 70's.

Abroad?- 3 hen/stag parties look, if the wedding is abroad they don't actually like any of their friends and relatives and frankly they don't want you there. If the stag/hen is abroad they just want a last fling without anyone else knowing. So unless you can keep mum about the bride copping off with the waiter and all his mates/the groom exploring his bicurious side with a lady-boi my advice is plead a lost passport and don't go.

Poems- cash requests Well you've got to recoup the losses of feeding a bunch of people who won’t even send you a first anniversary card but who wants 27 casserole dishes (the voice of bitter experience) ? The correct etiquette way to do it is ask people to ask the brides mother who will advise cash is the best way forward

Food/ allergies/unfed guests Not the brides problem - this is the wedding menu - bring a packed lunch &/or epi pen if you dont like it or it's goign to make you blow up like a giant helium balloon and turn purple. Depending on the brides sense of humour, an ambulance called in the middle of speeches will either break up the day with much amusement or cause a full on bout of hysteria with the day being ruined.

Who pays for Bridesmaids dresses, that will never be worn again? The Bride if it’s rented, the bridesmaid is she wishes to keep it

Oh yes, GinUser, I used to love that type of wedding. They started at the church mid morning and the happy couple were off on the train to the seaside before teatime. I used to really enjoy going to them. Now if you are "lucky" enough to get an invite for all day there are hours of photographs and standing around, then you have to get in the party mood again for the evening. I'm more than happy with an evening invite only to the ones that look as if they are going to be a real circus.

"Additionally the standard etiquette rules are not applied to most of our lives so people find it a minefield"

This is why, I think, the loveliest weddings I've been to have been the smart version of how the couple/families would normally entertain. Nit trying to buy an unfamiliar dream with which they aren't really comfortable.

There are weddings which I see as industrial, in the sense that people get sucked in to the wedding industry (which is aiming to get them to spend more) and I find them rather samey. They can be very plush, I'm not meaning to knock them, but they're not particularly memorable.