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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that weddings are out of control?

95 replies

Ambonsai · 19/09/2017 19:26

Invitations- kids invited or not?
Childcare nightmares
Partners invited or not? Ceremony, daytime, nighttime invites?
Abroad?- 3 hen/stag parties
Poems- cash requests
Food/ allergies/unfed guests
Who pays for Bridesmaids dresses, that will never be worn again?

Whats the divorce rate? Cynical,me?!!

OP posts:
DarceyBusselsNose · 20/09/2017 12:56

Just checked my local register office - its £55 non refundable booking fee and £35 per person OR £47 for non EU nationals. £45 cancellation fee! Optional certificates are £4

BOOKING FEE
01/04/17 to 31/03/18
Booking confirmation fee (non refundable) £55
LEGAL PRELIMINARIES
01/04/17 to 31/03/18
Notice of marriage or civil partnership must be given in a Register Office
(separate notice must be given by both parties)
£35.00 (each)
If you are a non-EEA national and fall within scope of the Immigration Act
2014 referral scheme (fee applicable to both parties)
£47.00 (each

PuppyMonkey · 20/09/2017 12:58

OP, you say your own wedding was perfect, simple, great etc... that's probably what all the CF daft boggers getting married in all the MN threads believe as well. Wink

Caenea · 20/09/2017 13:02

Honestly I have seen relationships break under the stress of wedding planning, and it's exactly why my partner and I cannot be arsed getting married. We love each other, we have a child together, and we're sensible adults well capable of handling a split should one occur (we've even discussed how it'd work).

If we did decide we needed a bit of paper, we'd book a registry office slot, not tell anyone, and get it done.

2ducks2ducklings · 20/09/2017 13:04

I love a wedding when it is clear that the couple have had the wedding that they BOTH want. Not just a bridezilla wanting to keep up with the jones', not parents or parents in law, demanding that you 4th cousin twice removed best friends daughter is flower girl. None of that. I got married at Gretna green with two strangers as witness and our then 18 month old daughter as 'bridesmaid' (much to the disgust of my mom). We had a party at a local pub a week later. No speeches, no gift lists. Nothing. It was entirely stress free and I loved it. And despite my mom drunkenly 'moaning' that she wasn't even invited to our wedding, she now (after my brothers huge white wedding) says it's absolutely the best way of doing it in her opinion.
My friend got married last year at a local church with a reception at the Labour club in the next street. No sit down meals etc. It was bloody fab! They had the wedding they wanted and it was clear to see!

Lovingmybear2 · 20/09/2017 13:04

Darcey

Not really funny to be so flippant regarding epi pens. If you have seen a loved one with anaphylactic shock it's terrifying. The rest of your post well couldn't agree more.

Op my ds got married and we had immediate family so just grandparents parents siblings and kids walk to the local church. Back to our house/garden for afternoon tea and champers and then they left for one night at a spa hotel.

Cost us £500 food/booze/decorations.

Lovejy wedding

Pannnn · 20/09/2017 13:05

I've just booked our civil ceremony. It's £40 non-returnable deposit and the total cost is £165 for a room for 40 mins that takes 70 people.
Or.....£40 for a v quicky - no guests other than two witnesses.

The back to the house for a hoo har in the garden. Very inexpensive and what we both want.

Pannnn · 20/09/2017 13:07

We'd guess the food and decs for the house and garden will be about £500 too.

Really looking fwd to it. Lots of people on our sides who have never met but we know they will like each otehr. The joy.

cherrycola2004 · 20/09/2017 13:09

cheers DarceyBrussels x

NameChanger22 · 20/09/2017 13:11

I don't know why anybody does it.

DarceyBusselsNose · 20/09/2017 13:12

lovingbear perhaps I have one? hmm? thought about that?

Doobigetta · 20/09/2017 13:15

I'm currently organising my wedding, and I'm doing it to the nth degree because I haven't got a job, so nothing better to do, and organising things is what I normally do for a living anyway. Agreeing the guest list has been enormously stressful, because of family refusing to accept that the no children rule applies to them, but the rest of it has been a piece of piss. Fun, not stressful. But I do now understand why they get out of control. Firstly, because as soon as you're having an actual wedding rather than eloping, it becomes THE event- the biggest party you're ever likely to throw- and therefore if it isn't also the best one (not necessarily the biggest), then it's not right. It has to reflect YOU, or you've somehow failed. I enjoy food, I eat out a lot, cook at home, etc- so I won't settle for serving mediocre food and wine to my guests, any more than I would suggest we meet in a crap restaurant, or serve them awful food if I have them round to dinner. I'm interested in fashion, and take a lot of care over how I dress every day, so of course it's going to matter which wedding dress I pick. Etc, etc, etc.
And then it is all magnified by suppliers, who really can be quite pushy. I was amazed how firm we had to be in saying, no it has to be a Saturday because it is not ok for us to demand that our guests use up their annual leave for us. No, this venue is too small for our numbers and it wouldn't be perfectly fine to expect some people to stand all the way through the reception, or be stranded in a corridor. No, it would not be great bantz to pick on a couple of single female guests instead of doing a first dance (yes, really). I can see how younger or skinter or less confident people could be nudged into making silly decisions.

TheNaze73 · 20/09/2017 13:15

YANBU.

I do love an evening do though. Miss all the boring bits but, get the funny bits.

SleepFreeZone · 20/09/2017 13:17

We want a tiny tiny wedding, have been engaged over two years and yet we are no nearer to getting it done. I'm just not st all interested in dressing up and courting attention. I think it be a registry office job to be honest 😬

TwoKidsAndCounting · 20/09/2017 13:18

I agree, what a load of old bollocks, and money wasted, why do people do it?? I have just refused another invite because it's in a different country, no childvare options, the expense, the stress. At least I'll be able to give them a decent cash gift which i don't mind

Notreallyarsed · 20/09/2017 13:19

My brother is about to get married for the second time in 5 years and it's being billed as "the wedding of the century". I actually can't be arsed with this rigmarole all over again, the last one was bad enough. This one they want my boys in pink kilts (it's not a fucking kilt if it's not tartan, it's a bloody skirt) and the hen is to be a weekend in Benidorm which as sister of the groom I'm expected to attend I'll have gastroenteritis that weekend. It's literally going to be footballers wives on speed style and I just fucking can't.

LikeARedBalloon · 20/09/2017 13:20

I've recently got married...registry office at noon, lunch in a pub with friends, family and children. 60 guests in all. Play area for children outside. Off on honeymoon late afternoon. Comfy dress for me. No bridesmaids, grooms men, stag or hen week celebrations. Cost very litttle. No gifts requested. Had a wonderful day 😁 It can be done but I think very often it all gets out of hand and ends up as a showy competition.

chickendrizzlecake · 20/09/2017 13:22

It's just consumer capitalism in action. Modern weddings are what happen when an industry grows by taking a human tradition and turning it into a multi-million pound industry.

I'm 99% sure Darcey's post was satirical!!

expatinscotland · 20/09/2017 13:23

I agree! I'm not a big fan of weddings and certainly not of what passes for a traditional wedding here at present - some machination that lasts all bloody day (if you've not be shunted off to the second tier evening rejects), fancy venue, boring sit down meal that's not breakfast unless it's 9am, speeches are the work of the Devil and on and on and on. Tedious in the extreme. Why does it have to be so long, dear God. Then you have the ones who select a venue in the middle of nowhere for no other reason than it's fancy or swish and everyone has to stay overnight somewhere.

Not to mention the brides and grooms who believe the guest should pay for their party by giving them enough cash to 'cover their plate' (why not just be more honest and charge admission so guests can decide they'd rather eat in a restaurant with food to their tastes) or buy them a honeymoon or a house because 'in other cultures, people give hundreds of pounds,' but in those other cultures the weddings are usually come one, come all feasts of an evening and don't require a tacky poem to tout for cash from guests.

The threads here involving guests who get into debt to attend a hen/stag do or wedding are legion.

Ibbleobbleblackbobble · 20/09/2017 13:44

im currently planning my afternoon wedding, which will have an evening do....
if your name is not on the invite you are not invited, the invite will say either join us at the wedding of or come and dance the night away...if you have dietary requirements tell me...hen/stag dos will consist of afternoon tea.....wine, dancing, more wine, possibly shots and a hangover/he will be soo drunk he gets put in a taxi at 10 and sent home....we have lived together for long enough so wont have a wedding list but if you want to give us something john lewis vouchers always go down well!....ill buy the dresses ( which they can choose) they can buy the shoes.
Drink as much as you want its a party after all!
Buy clothes that fit you - if your uncomfy that's your doing not mine!!
My dress will be from ebay and if I want to look like a princess that's MY CHOICE NOT YOURS!!!

Puzzledandpissedoff · 20/09/2017 14:06

Originalfoogirl An interesting article about the couple planning to outright charge guests £150 to attend, especially as it's being "sold" as including food and drink

Interesting, too, that they're said to be "spending £2000 of their own money" which will also have to cover wedding dress, bridesmaids and more. I know their venue well, and it's not going to stretch to much food and drink after all that lot, is it? Hmm

cudeatahorse · 20/09/2017 14:08

Likearedballoon,

It sounds like you had a wonderful day, even though it didn't cost much.

By the way, Love the username! Smile

expatinscotland · 20/09/2017 14:14

'Interesting, too, that they're said to be "spending £2000 of their own money" which will also have to cover wedding dress, bridesmaids and more. I know their venue well, and it's not going to stretch to much food and drink after all that lot, is it? hmm'

But rather than use their own money to have a wedding they can afford, the cheeky fuckers do this because they, wwwaaaa, otherwise couldn't afford their 'dream' wedding.

Andylion · 20/09/2017 14:30

Fireworks at a wedding? Unless your wedding day coincides with a national holiday, that is over the top.

Mittens1969 · 20/09/2017 14:53

LikeaRedBalloon, your wedding sounds like it was really great, very relaxing, fun and not at all showy, and a lovely way to include families. What a brilliant idea. Congratulations as well!

Wedding costs are ridiculous these days, definitely. Although I confess I fell into that trap myself. Grin

Puzzledandpissedoff · 20/09/2017 14:55

But rather than use their own money to have a wedding they can afford, the cheeky fuckers do this because they, wwwaaaa, otherwise couldn't afford their 'dream' wedding

Quite Hmm

As I've said, the figures just don't stack up and there's every chance the "all inclusive" will turn into one glass of cheap fizz and an invitation to choose from the hotel's (very expensive) menu