To think that weddings are out of control?

[Ambonsai]

Invitations- kids invited or not?
Childcare nightmares
Partners invited or not? Ceremony, daytime, nighttime invites?
Abroad?- 3 hen/stag parties
Poems- cash requests
Food/ allergies/unfed guests
Who pays for Bridesmaids dresses, that will never be worn again?

Whats the divorce rate? Cynical,me?!!

I think the hoopla of weddings has got silly, thanks in part to social media.

It used to be invite, hen/stag in a local town for one night, wedding.

Now it's announcement on social media, save the dates, countdowns to the day (one of my colleagues is 400+ days and counting, it's painful), big expensive hens/stags abroad etc, entourages of bridesmaids, poems, naff stuff, chair covers and more naff.

For disclosure, I'm getting married in a couple of weeks . Didn't announce it on social media, paid for it ourselves, 46 guests, main priority is that everyone is decently fed/watered/comfortable and that we can spend time chatting. Brief for my only bridesmaid was: find a dress you like, any colour, any style that you'll wear again.

I agree. They're almost always stressful, disappointing, and can end friendships. I had a super cheap backwoods wedding and I still wish to god I had eloped so instead of having to include bossy family members, pouty petulant bridesmaids, a disappointing wedding dress I couldn't get to fit right, and the ring bearer pitching a screaming fit..I cried right before saying my vows.
Collosale waste of time , money, emotions, energy, etc for ONE day and paying for asshole guests. Yes I'm bitter 😛 I can't imagine paying 50 grand for one day like some ppl, not that it would be an option.

My wedding cost a small fortune, which we were lucky enough to be able to afford, we had a lovely time and I don't regret a penny of it.

This is why I loved my wedding. Cheap, cheerful, all my favourite people came, no drama nor stress and I got to wear pretty undies and a pretty dress for a day!

Maybe the best bit was all those wonderful friends buying my vodkas all night! Cheapest party I've ever been to and still married 8 years later (16 in total poor bloke)

I've only accepted two invites in the last 5 years, one for my best friend and another that was local to me (evening reception) and required no travel. I've politely declined the rest, as well as all hen party invites.

I don't mean to be a scrooge about it, but if you're expecting me to shell out hundreds on hen parties, travel, overnight accommodation, clothing, gifts, etc. for YOUR wedding, then I simply cannot make it. I find the demands and arrangements are becoming increasingly more selfish and obscene as time goes on, and my general sense is that people are completely losing sight of the importance behind the wedding. It makes me sad. Within my wider circle, the 'meaning' of marriage is being totally overshadowed by the need to throw the most lavish and expensive bash - and then brag about it on Facebook

I can't be bothered with it and I won't entertain it

The first invite I rejected this year included A WEEK in Marbella for the hen do and a Friday-Monday commitment for the 'wedding weekend' A ceremony takes less than an hour but you want me to give you FOUR fucking days!? I don't care if you've hired human sized chess pieces and croquet mallets for us to lark about the magic gardens full of rainbows and flying unicorns come Sunday, you can stick that right up your arse.

Ours isn't out of hand because:
Invitations- kids invited - Yes, everyone we have invited is invited with kids
Childcare nightmares - no, because kids are invited. If they prefer not to bring them, then they will make their own plans
Partners invited or not - Yes, we've lost one guest because the couple split up. He has new GF but she won't be invited as there is no question of us inviting someone we haven't met
Ceremony, daytime, nighttime invites - Everyone invited to everything and it all flows from one thing into the next
Abroad - yes, because wherever in the world we do it it will be abroad from almost everyone. We are scattered over the world
3 hen/stag parties - no stag or hen parties
Poems- cash requests - nope, we are grown ups and are having a wedding we can afford to pay for ourselves
Food/ allergies/unfed guests - venue is hotel with great restaurant (which will be all ours). No-one will go hungry, even the no gluten, lactose or eggs guest
Who pays for Bridesmaids dresses, that will never be worn again - No-one, not having any. Two close friends will help me out on the day, but they will wear whatever they like
We have chosen to have family (about 20 each side) and closest friends, which bring the group to around 60. All we want is to have a lovely day with the people who are closest to us, and for them to have a great time. All the extra bits don't matter.
Also, I have to say it's great doing it in a hotel. We are using their restaurant, their florist, their marquee provider, their photographer, their DJ, etc. It's really stress-free...

you can stick that right up your arse.

I hope you didn't write that on your reply, sound like the bride and groom are better off with you staying home!

I've been to 4 weddings in the past few years and the biggest one ended in divorce, he is now happily married again after a registry office wedding with parents and siblings only.

What do people think of having a wedding abroad, inviting close family and friends, and then having a reception when you get home and inviting the same people as well as everyone else who wasn't invited abroad?

Sailorcherries, I think the only problem with that is the extra cost and organisation required from you. If you don't mind that, I can't see what the guests have to object to.

Vino, you'll probably get a lot of grief for that post but I agree with you..I have a no hen night policy because I find the very idea cringey and would definitely decline an overseas wedding. I have enjoyed some weddings I've been to but it is a big commitment in terms of time and money.

I think weddings have always been problematic. My mum still brings up her future MIL wanting to invite the parents of dad's school friends to her wedding but not wanting to contribute! This was 1971!
I think the only reason I got through my wedding, which was a big one, was not sweating over small stuff and more looking forward to being married than the big day. There's so much potential for stress and conflict if you let it. Saying that, I really wish we had a small wedding. We only had a big one because the ILs expected it. They paid their fair share but I'd rather have paid for everything and got married on a beach in the Caribbean.

We are eloping. My mum might jog like it but it's not about her. We have booked the venue who provide everything for the day and I have booked a make up artist and hair dresser for the morning. Just need tiger us two dressed for the day. It's is costing unde £2k x

'What do people think of having a wedding abroad, inviting close family and friends, and then having a reception when you get home and inviting the same people as well as everyone else who wasn't invited abroad?'

It's just a party. You're already married. If you want to have a party go ahead, but please, no fake wedding or poems for money or that. Personally, don't see why anyone would bother. Just go get married how you like and be done with it.

@expat I'm not engaged, or married, it waa a genuine question based on two weddings I've heard about this year. Both couples we abroad and then had a reception in the UK.

Why not just admit to enjoying bitching about other people's weddings and other people's choices?

It's their wedding, it's not about you.

My wedding was pretty much perfect. Planned in less than 5 months, most of which was an odd lunch hour here and there. All paid for up front as we stuck to a strict budget that didn’t wipe out our savings. I only got stressed once and that was because I was being indecisive!

Weddings don’t have to be a huge production. They only are if you make them that way.

That said, I bloody hate elaborate hen / stag dos. They should be no more than 1 day / evening and shouldn’t cost much more than a night out, imo.

My mind always boggles at the whole wedding planning thing. Some people seem to dedicate years to it. We had everything planned, church, reception, evening do, invites, cars and dress and honeymoon in less than 2 months did almost naff all for next 10 months (except diet). It not hard. Speak with vicar, decide on readings and hymns. Speak with hotel, pick food ask them to sort DJ (tell them you like. 80s/90's music). Go to wedding dress shop, try on bigger version of dress shape that normally suits you. If it's not a yes then it's not right don't umm and ah. Phone personwho advertisers wedding photography/cars/flowers. Place order. Get rings. Go to moss bros order suits. Ask people to be attendants. Let bridesmaids pick own dress. Send invites to people you like, sit people next to people they like. Invite kids ask for money if you have everything( no one in rl gets offended). Before you order anything think can I remember this at someone else's wedding if no, it's prob not you being original it's just no one noticed it. You don't need it at your wedding! People will only remember the doves if they shit on the mil, or get picked off by a hawk. God I should go into wedding planning

That's just MN weddings. In real life I find none of these issues.