To think this is cheeky

[Ttbb]

Also a WWYD

So we have our son down for three (the only three) prep schools in our area. One of the (A) is very good sendingchildren to Eton and Stowe and what not. This our first choice. The second one (B) belongs to an averagely good public school. It seems fine, I would be happy for my sons to go there but our hopes lie further afield for senior school. Third school (C) belongs to as less good private school. We do not want our children to go there long term but the junior school seems fine. Son is on the nursery department there and we are quite happy with it. He is garunteed a place in the junior school as a result.

School B has just sent us a letter offering DS a place for next year requiring a response and a non-refundable deposit by 28th of September. September! School A doesn't even offer places until January. We have every reason to be hopeful about obtaining a place at school A but the school is selective so we are worried that we may fall short as far as nursery reccomendations etc go.

The deposit the school B is asking for is £500. It's not a huge sum of money but we have had a lot of financial difficulties and burdens recently so it's not a small sum for us at present. WWYD pay the deposit at risk of loosing it or defer accepting to offer at risk of not obtaining a place at schools A or B being left with C?

I think learning isn't just about academics, and there is a better chance of her having the opportunity to experience more diversity and have a broader understanding of people and society this way.

Whilst we can (mostly) all appreciate that private schools perpetuate divisive privilege... it is foolish to claim that going to a well respected private school doesn't set you up with advantages in life regarding network, career track and earnings. People from private education are hugely over represented in 'top' careers.

I mean, what would you prefer for your child? If you could afford it?
That they had a straioght forward path into a good job and earn well, or that they have more of an 'understanding' of other sectors in society because their education was disrupted every day by the five pupils in their class with behavioral issues or sever SEN?

Once you get into university, and then into your chosen professional career - you rarely mix across social or educational strata.

I cant believe how horrid folk are being to each other, so bitchy and pig headed.

I read the OP and not being in the position to have that kind of dilema it seemed very surreal reading it as £500 is a huge sum of money to me and even if i had the money I would chose state anyway, personal choice. I, like quite a few folk am unable to even contemplate having the choice between private or state, but some folk can an are quite entitled to make these decisions if they want to, they are luck to be in that position.
I also have certain views about the pros and cons of private education but they are my views, some wont like them nor agree with them, that's ok.
In my opinion the OP did not start this tread for an argument but for opinions and advice based on the choices she has available to her from people who have had similar experiences, not to be slated by those who either will never find themselves having those choices or by those who disagree with her choices.
She shouldn't have to be defending her choices to anyone, I have watched this thread out of curiosity only and wouldn't dream of giving my honest opinion as it wouldn't be useful to her situation and it wouldn't be completely irrelevant, but I am interested in how some folk consider such options that are alien to me.
OP, hope you figure it all out, to those being argumentative, if you cant offer practical advice and useful opinions to the ops dilema then maybe you should find a thread where some one is actually wanting a debate or and argument.

I should never have joined this thread and only posted with decision-making advice.

However once the OP started making moral argument in favour of private education as a means of escaping social control she kind of opened the season on herself.

I disagree with private education but as always you do what's best for your own kids, in your own circumstances. It's not an individual's job to change society.

"She shouldn't have to be defending her choices to anyone,"
She shouldn't have to defend her decision to go private, I agree. However, she should have to defend her statements about how bad state education is, that private education can be described as a "choice" for any but a tiny minority and that private schools are a defence against totalitarianism.

After reading the thread there was one poster who posted quite a long opinionated post on OP's choices, the op probably felt like she needed to respond to it and then got slated. She shouldn't have been put in that position, up until that rather opinionated post, the op had simply being asking for advice only and had probably not anticipated that some one would come along with a long list of opinions thrown at her when it wasnt what she was asking for.
So yes she did end up giving her true opinions but only after someone else threw down the gauntlet when it wasnt really called for.
This thread wasnt intended to discuss such indepth arguments at all, ops hand was forced, and it was unfair and unkind.

Someone asked her whether her local state schools were good/bad. She said she assumed bad and would never consider state. Which is what prompted further comment. So no unkindness or unfairness at all.

After reading the thread there was one poster who posted quite a long opinionated post on OP's choices, the op probably felt like she needed to respond to it and then got slated.

If that's referring to my original post, then I was genuinely offering the OP some constructive advice about why she should look at state schools too. She responded by telling me I was ignorant and shortsighted.

I mean, what would you prefer for your child? If you could afford it?

I could afford it and I chose state. A big, mixed comp of the type routinely derided here. (I have seen people say they are not having children because of the horror of state schools). All went through good universities and into good professions as well as gaining friends and experience they would never have met otherwise.

The OP assumed state schools were bad, then said they were doing the poor a favour by leaving them a place in these awful schools.

In this country people are free to use money to buy privilege - but be honest about it.

Pretending you are doing the poor a favour by exercising that right and rubbishing the state sector is going to attract derision.

I can afford it and I chose state too. I realise this is something that tends to make mumsnetters heads explode. Of course I would like a lot of what a top private school can offer for my children. But I also want a better society for my children and for everyone else's. And it would be seriously diacongruent (is that a word?) for me to use private education.

C8H1 and BertrandRussell, I completely agree. There's a general assumption that if you've sent your kids to state school it's because you can't afford private – or perhaps that you're sacrificing them to your 'ideology'. But it's not second best, or a sacrifice, to enable your kids to be part of the local community. And I don't think education should be run like a business, which is what private schools are (despite their dubious charitable status). Once commercial priorities take hold, the children suffer – not least because if their parents have a change in circumstances and can no longer afford the fees (this has happened to a few people I know), then their DCs are unceremoniously kicked out.

Let's put it this way. I have my way of doing things which is that if you can afford to send your children to private school you do. The virtues of that can be debated but I made it quite clear that it was unnecessary because my mind is set. My sense of morality and proprietary is set. Instead of the discussion returning to the question at hand, certain posters began to extol the virtues of state education and the evils of having a 'two tier system'. While I understand why a lot of people are defensive about their choice, regardless of whether is to go private or to choose the state system, it would seem that certain people here believe that those of us who exercise our right to choose to do differently are somehow being morally wrong. I could go into an extended description of my moral reasoning etc. But that is unnecessary. Different people have different beliefs both ethical and intellectual. What matters is that they have the chance to act on their view of the world. To even suggest otherwise is an affront to every concept of liberty and natural justice that I know. I usually let such things slide but I was truly disgusted by what I had read a dcould not restrain myself. Those of you who have issued-very helpful-advice about my dilemma I thank you. Those of you who have discussed state and private in general terms, not suggesting that the option to choose should not be available (no matter how much you may disapprove or have a strong preference) this is not directed at you. Those of you who feel compelled to promote nationalising education and extol the virtues of a single tiered, that is monopolised education system-you know what I think of your ideas.

For those of you who are concerned, we have payed the deposit, now being assured of how regular such practice is in theUK, and are happy in knowing that we have the option to choose between B and C if we fail to secure a place at A. Thank you again for your helpful advice. As such I regard the matter concluded but will leave the thread open-I can see some interesting discussion regarding the virtues and benefits of choosing a state education have sprung up and do not want to cut your (perfectly reasonable non-authoritarian) conversation short. X

I don't think the OP asked for opinions on the pros and cons of private education.

What exactly have you read here that has 'disgusted' you, Ttbb?

She may not have asked for the pros and cons, but she was the first person to express an opinion on either sector. A negative one.

And people who call something that the overwhelming number of people could not afford in a million years a "choice" need to be reminded of the realities of life.

Why do they?