To think this is cheeky

[Ttbb]

Also a WWYD

So we have our son down for three (the only three) prep schools in our area. One of the (A) is very good sendingchildren to Eton and Stowe and what not. This our first choice. The second one (B) belongs to an averagely good public school. It seems fine, I would be happy for my sons to go there but our hopes lie further afield for senior school. Third school (C) belongs to as less good private school. We do not want our children to go there long term but the junior school seems fine. Son is on the nursery department there and we are quite happy with it. He is garunteed a place in the junior school as a result.

School B has just sent us a letter offering DS a place for next year requiring a response and a non-refundable deposit by 28th of September. September! School A doesn't even offer places until January. We have every reason to be hopeful about obtaining a place at school A but the school is selective so we are worried that we may fall short as far as nursery reccomendations etc go.

The deposit the school B is asking for is £500. It's not a huge sum of money but we have had a lot of financial difficulties and burdens recently so it's not a small sum for us at present. WWYD pay the deposit at risk of loosing it or defer accepting to offer at risk of not obtaining a place at schools A or B being left with C?

If you say no, you will lose the place. It's not cheeky it's normal and someone else will take the place if you decline.

Then it's your son will go to c unless he is offered a, which is not certain.

If you're happy with that, then decline, make your peace with c, and hope for a.

In Ireland, you have to pay a non-refundable 'booking deposit' even to the state Secondary schools when you apply. You're not guaranteed a place, just a place on the list, and you have to do this (for some schools) when your child has just been born (or you have no chance of actually getting in). Fee-paying schools the same. Then, when you have been offered a place at fee-paying school, you're asked to stump up another amount (€500 or €1000) two-three years before actually going to keep that place open. Families are often hedging their bets like OP is being asked to do, so can be paying out €€€€€ in the hope of getting their preferred place, but keeping a reserve place open just in case.

We also have 'voluntary' contributions at primary school level. Suggested amount is €250 per child per year at our school (tho' we do get a 'subsequent child' discount).

It's annoying OP but it's the way the system works.

Everybody chill about Eton fees. Our outgoings at the moment are more than the fees (the will drop away over the next few years and our earning potential will rise-I'm not even working) so it's fine. We're having crash flow issues as described above that are thankfully starting to resolve themselves, by the time he's old enough for boarding school it won't be a problem. i'm starting to think that the stress relief of him having a place (now that I have been assured that this is not unusual) is worth more than what £500 can buy.

I'd also agree, if you've over stretched to the stage that 500 quid is a concern and would drive you to decline a place, I think you need to reconsider, as you will always have unexpected costs and private education is not just the fees, it's the uniforms, the trips, the additional lessons. It really does mount up.

I'd pay it for the security of having a fall back if you aren't offered school A.

The privates round here all close applications (£50-100) a few days before the 11plus results come out. It's just the start of the cynical money grabbing in my opinion.

Once someone or something pisses me off, it really puts me off them/it and it sticks. Whatever happens after that is tainted & will annoy me, a lot. In this situation, of B feeling like they're money grabbing & you being worried that they wouldn't prep them well, I wouldn't pay it and I'd hope to get into A, or settle with C.

It doesn't matter how well off you are or aren't, the feeling of being taken for a mug isn't nice.

However, if you would still prefer school B, to school C, then you should pay it. Because if you don't get into A you'll be very pissed off with yourself for losing the opportunity of going to B for the sake of £500.

If you don't like this kind of money grabbing now you're not going to like the whole private school experience: it's always another donation for this, an extra cost for that, a ski trip that somehow costs four times as much as just going with bloody Neilson would, a fundraiser for the chapel, donations to send Tarquin on his Gap Yah, it never ends.

It's very common to delibately try to get parents to pay a holding fee early, knowing that a lot won't use the place.

Round here, lots offer places and require the first term to be paid 3 weeks before the state primary places are offered. Many pay the first term then don't take the place when they get a good state school place.

If you want School A but would be happy with school C if you don't get A, then don't pay for B. IF you wouldn't be happy with school C really if you don't get A, then pay the £500, then make the decision between A and B if you get an offer at school A.

How good/bad are your local state schools, OP?

donations to send Tarquin on his Gap Yah

First decent chuckle of the day!

How unfortunate for you to have "crash flow problems". . Good choice to pay the deposit. Most people on here would be happy to have the sort of cash flow problems, which entail having property in the U.K. And abroad.

If B isn't actually a school you want to send them too just forget it and save your money. If he gets a place at A all well and good, and if not you still have C as a back up option. Agree with everyone else though that if you're even debating whether you can afford to spend £500 you should probably look into the fees a bit more before you commit to something which it would seem you can't really afford.

We would never consider state. As far as I am aware they are not good but haven't really checked. We can pffprd to pay for private without any problems so it would be really unfair to take a place in a good state school. I'm feeling rather reassured that this kind of thing isn't so unusual after all so will probably pay up. Obviously this has rather cemented to superiority of school A in my mind but it's not like we really have any other options as I'm not convinced by school C either. Seems worth it to keep our options open be still v cheesed off about the short notice/breaking with local conventions and not waiting until January, I think I'll just have to chalk it up to being a sign that they are struggling and have a bit of sympathy.

I mean I expect a little bit more integrity.

works both ways, you are going to accept a place knowing you will turn it down if you get a better offer. this means someone else doesn't get an offer for school B and school B is left in the lurch by you at a later date.

Makes perfect sense for them to ask for a deposit if that is the integrity their clients have.

donations to send Tarquin on his Gap Yah, it never ends

that certainly seems to be the common experience.

We would never consider state. As far as I am aware they are not good but haven't really checked.

it would be really unfair to take a place in a good state school

You seem less than consistent in your responses here. Either they are no good or you are nobly freeing up a good place for the poor.

If you want to buy into (tax subsidised) privilege then do so, but please don't justify it by saying its an altruistic act when it is the opposite.

There is one (at least) good state school that I know of but the majority are pretty bad so taking a place in that school would mean that a poor child with no other options would end up going to one of the many bad ones. I really don't know much about state schools in my area. Does the British government subsidise private schools? I thought they offered charitable status in return for the schools providing charity to state schools in their area? (I'm not local so forgive my ignorance).

I don't think they will be struggling though

so confused by cash flow issues and £500 too much to lose v never being prepared to consider state or even looking into them, and absolute conviction that will be earning enough to cover eton fees within years.

OP if you can easily afford private school then I would have thought you can easily afford the 500
Best of leaving the good state schools for the poor children

Also my parents are well off, I went to state school as did all my siblings, I suppose my parents aren't as thoughtful about others though.
You're basically pitying the less fortunate

Oh come on.People are seriously suggesting that someone with their sights on Eton might use state schools?

A tip, though, OP. If there is any possibility you or your children might in the future mix with state school users, it's pobBly not a good idea to diss state schools. ParticulArly if, as you say, you know very little about them.

If I were you, I'd pay the £500. If nothing else, it will help you prepare for things to come.

It's not too much to loose but I wouldn't just throw it away. We're not in a position to just spend £500 without thinking about it. I'm thinking about it, or rather have thought about it. Let's put it this way. At the moment we have £20,000 of yearly commitments that won't be there in three years time, must husband is earning an £50,000 more each year these last three years with no sign of slowing down (he's only just entered the workforce full time five years ago) and I'm not even working. On top of that there are further economies that we could make and assets that we could sell going forwards. But our cash flow always has been very uneven. £0 one month £20,000 then next. After not getting paid for a few big jobs we've had a few months of very low income which has created a backlog that we are only starting to clear. Lots of stuff that we've put off buying etc. Would spend the £500 spare on vaccinations for example. It's really not worth thinking about. Our parents were penniless migrants and they still managed to send us to private school (and they difibitely spent more time agonising about spending £500-that's how they managed to afford the fees do doubt). That really is not a consideration. I'm just having a crisis of confidence in our preferential order of schools and don't want to waste £500 if we won't send them to school B anyway.

Why do British people have to get so wound up about state vs private? This is our choice, we've made it, does it really matter? I get that class is more permanent in Britain than it is in other countries but come on, why get so upset about it?

Have made a final decision to pay for the place reservation and then reconsider B/C reference if A does not offer a place in January-despite my newfound doubts we're not going to be able to make a final B/C call in less than a fortnight so best to just keep options open. If nothing else it will prevent regret later on-thank you for pointing that out above!