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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to meet Beautiful Boyfriend From Yesteryear on a work trip?

125 replies

stealtheatingtunnocks · 17/09/2017 19:01

In the Olden Days I lived abroad in an Exotic Place and had a very happy relationship with a beautiful example of masculinity for about 18 months.

I have been married for 17 years to a lovely bloke, have three kids and a suburban life. Usual complaints and worries, but, in essence, all is well.

I am going back to Exotic Place with work for 18 days, 3 of which will be where Beautiful Boyfriend lives. A bit of FB stalking, a friend request, a nice FB catch up, very friendly and nothing inappropriate.

He's about an hour and half from where I'm working. WIBU to arrange to meet him for coffee, in the afternoon for a "hiya, nice to see you're doing well?"

Or, is that a TERRIBLE idea?

Votes:

OP posts:
Original poster
stealtheatingtunnocks · 17/09/2017 19:15

I'd not mind if DH met up with an old flame. But, then, they were all a bit bonkers.

OP posts:
Laiste · 17/09/2017 19:15

Is DH ok with it? You've asked him ... yes? No?

Trasna · 17/09/2017 19:15

I'd do it without thinking twice. It's perfectly possible to meet someone male and attractive and not whip your knickers off in the cafe loo... Hmm

OnionKnight · 17/09/2017 19:15

I'd not mind if DH met up with an old flame. But, then, they were all a bit bonkers.

I'm sure they were.

Laiste · 17/09/2017 19:16

x post.

Well i wouldn't go behind his back about this.

Spadequeen · 17/09/2017 19:16

And how would you feel if your husband were to meet up with his exotic ex on a purely platonic basis?

Original poster
stealtheatingtunnocks · 17/09/2017 19:17

Trasna - exactly.

Surely it's possible for adults to meet up, have a reminisce and a giggle and value what they have at home? Surely?

Majority says "no". You bunch of mad shaggers!

OP posts:
Laiste · 17/09/2017 19:17

How would you feel if he did but hadn't mentioned it? Probably more to the point.

GrumpyOldBag · 17/09/2017 19:18

YANBU.

Go for it.

I would place a very strong bet that the attraction has faded for you both. And it will be nice to catch up.

GrumpyOldBag · 17/09/2017 19:18

I agree with Transna & Tunnocks

PinkHeart5913 · 17/09/2017 19:18

As I said said, I'm horribly faithful. I am a very, very dull person I bet many people have said that before cheating. Surely it's generally the dull that go looking for excitement?

I also think it's odd you " don't feel much like telling your dh" tbh I mean you are going away to an exotic place, and what to meet an ex boyfriend.

To me the fact you don't feel like telling your dh speaks volumes and says your hiding something, I think your be a fool to arrange this meet up

AnyFucker · 17/09/2017 19:19

If you are feeling somewhat (justifiably) disatisfied with your husband, sort that out

Don't go putting a bomb under your marriage. You are going to do it though aren't you ?

You have been warned

Original poster
stealtheatingtunnocks · 17/09/2017 19:19

Spade and everyone who asked about how I'd feel if he was meeting up with old flames - honestly, I'd be fine about it. As I said, we're both really faithful, I trust him and he trusts me. Without that there's not really any marriage, well, for us at least.

So, I'd honestly not be doing anything silly.

Actually, he works with an ex girlfriend. She's his boss. (and, yep, totally bonkers)

OP posts:
Shockers · 17/09/2017 19:19

No such thing as 'horribly faithful'.

Laiste · 17/09/2017 19:20

OP there'll be posters here who say you're free to do what you like and so are your husbands and anyone different are mad controlling sods ect ect. Others (like me) would hate their DH to do it and so would not do it.

It's your own moral compass you need to inspect though, not ours.

AnyFucker · 17/09/2017 19:21

Tell him then

PinkHeart5913 · 17/09/2017 19:21

It's not about thinking a man and women can't meet without sex it's about meeting an ex you stalk on Facebook and clearly have found memories of and not having enough respect for your present partner to mention it.

I'd have no issue with dh meeting up with an ex as long as he mentioned it briefly before hand and I don't think it's ok to go and meet an ex in secret

Laiste · 17/09/2017 19:22

As I said, we're both really faithful, I trust him and he trusts me. Without that there's not really any marriage, well, for us at least.

Seriously, what/why are you asking us then?

LillyLollyLandy · 17/09/2017 19:22

Are you serious? If I was your husband I would not be happy.

OVienna · 17/09/2017 19:22

You're passed at your DH for the whining about your trip and all the build up you're having to do to 'enable' him to carry on being a pain in this area. I'm guessing this isn't new behaviour? The meet up is a treat and a bit of if two fingers. A gentle two fingers to him but still. Am I right?

Original poster
stealtheatingtunnocks · 17/09/2017 19:23

Grumpy - I agree with you. We are both older and wiser, both settled and value that.

He was beautiful. Staggeringly beautiful. I am not, so, I was always surprised that he wanted to hang around with me.

He's now a middle aged man who's spread a bit, not done that much with his life and is happily partnered up with a couple of kids.

Fair enough, though, I'll say to DH. You're right about that. Honestly, he won't give a jot. He's not remotely jealous, he's got no reason to be, never has.

OP posts:
PinkHeart5913 · 17/09/2017 19:23

Actually, he works with an ex girlfriend. She's his boss. (and, yep, totally bonkers) Diffrence with that is you know they work together, they aren't working together in secret

IvorHughJarrs · 17/09/2017 19:25

I wouldn't but for a totally different reason. I think seeing your Adonis again after all these years would tarnish the memories.

An old uni friend invited DH and I to a party recently as my old flame was coming and he thought we'd like to catch up. I can't think of anything worse! I remember us as young, gorgeous and in love whereas now the reality is that he is bald, I am fat and we are both happily married to other people. I think it would spoil the memories I have of him from back then

Original poster
stealtheatingtunnocks · 17/09/2017 19:25

OVienna - yeah, you probably are.

Hadn't thought of it like that.

A lot of couples get into this though, kids are getting bigger, his work is great and he likes it, but, doesn't mean a long haul flight and stepping off the work/school run/club run/shopping/cooking/cleaning routine.

He's a bit pissed about me going. He's pleased for me, and can see it's a good thing for my work, but, yeah, little bit green round the edges.

OP posts:
Laiste · 17/09/2017 19:25

Ok.

Are you happy? In your life i mean.