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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am i being wicked stepmother?

127 replies

BulldogFart · 17/09/2017 12:39

DH has a son who is 22. He's quite an immature lad and doesn't really socialise outside of family. He also doesn't have an income and works voluntary instead.

He and DH are desperate to see a film that is coming out and DH had said that when it comes out, he'll take him. The son has then gone on about how he'll keep checking the imax times etc so they can book tickets. It's a given that DH will be paying for both tickets.

The imax cinema is 48 miles away and we have a perfectly good Cineworld 5 minutes away from our house. I've told DH that I think they should just go to the local cinema due to distance and ticket prices. He's reluctantly agreed.

If DSS was a child I'd be more chilled out but as an adult, I think dictating that it needs to be imax when he's not the one paying is out of order!

Am I being wicked stepmother?

OP posts:
SallyForthSunshine · 17/09/2017 13:14

IMAX is better. Is it for Star Wars? I intend to drive 25 miles to go and see it in a nicer cinema, even though we have a perfectly good one less than 5 minutes away!

Calvinlookingforhobbs · 17/09/2017 13:15

YABVU. What is it to you?!

Raizel · 17/09/2017 13:15

I'm not an expert on the silver screen but I can't see there been that much difference between imax and cineworld in terms of quality tbh.

Looking at it from a different perspective though maybe they both chose to go to a cinema further away so they could spend more time together just the two of them without you and maybe that's what they were looking forward to as much as the film, you know having a drive together, talking and enjoying each other's company maybe grab a bite to eat before the film. I don't know is that a possibility?

I think you are being a little petty though and if you don't have money issues and your husband isn't borrowing the money off you to do it and your husband is happy go and your not been forced into going with them I can't really see your problem.

From your posts tbh it sounds like you don't really have much time for you DSS if I've misunderstood I do apologise.

LongWavyHair · 17/09/2017 13:15

I think that seeing as the dad has offered to take him and pay for him, he should decide where they go?

I went out for lunch with my own dad just this week. He offered to treat me and suggested a particular restaurant which he knew was really nice. Of course I could have made my own suggestions too but to me it kinda would have cheapened the offer. It was his treat to me.

Gorgosparta · 17/09/2017 13:18

I've told DH that I think they should just go to the local cinema due to distance and ticket prices. He's reluctantly agreed.

Wtf? You arent going. You arent footing the bill. How is it anything to do with you?

I am going to guess its star wars or similar. For fans of the franchise it is worth going out of your way to see these films at imax.

Even if it wasnt. So what?

It really sounds like you shouldny have marries a man who is a father.

HostaFireAndIce · 17/09/2017 13:19

was looking forward to having an adult night out.

It's still an adult night out with a 22yo. It's not like he's 5!

LouHotel · 17/09/2017 13:21

OP is this the straw that broke the camels back?

I think 22 these days is a bit of no mans land as kids are grown adults but unlikely to have much financial independance - unless his volunteer job his helping him in a specific career choice i dont think you would be unreasonable to point out to your DH thats its about time he started thinking about working, contributing towards rent ect..

WomblingThree · 17/09/2017 13:25

Why are people infantilising a 22 year old MAN? There's no wonder they end up being shit husbands if you think that 22 is still a boy.

Miserylovescompany2 · 17/09/2017 13:34

I wouldn't of poked my nose in to be fair - the distance could equal quality time between the two and a chance/opportunity to discuss the film afterwards.

This could mean quite a lot to the son...

splendide · 17/09/2017 13:35

I go to the theatre with my mum quite often and she pays. I'm 38.

another20 · 17/09/2017 13:36

Looking at it from a different perspective though maybe they both chose to go to a cinema further away so they could spend more time together just the two of them without you and maybe that's what they were looking forward to as much as the film, you know having a drive together, talking and enjoying each other's company maybe grab a bite to eat before the film. I don't know is that a possibility?

^^
This. Let them have their time together alone. I will help YOU in the long run. This young adult needs a bit more nurturing it seems. Let you DH give it now - so that he can grow and become more independent.

Viserion · 17/09/2017 13:37

I wouldn't be doing a 100 mile round trip to go to a cinema DS or DSS regardless. Confused
That's just insane, waste of time, money, fuel etc.

Viserion · 17/09/2017 13:37

I wouldn't be doing a 100 mile round trip to go to a cinema DS or DSS regardless. Confused
That's just insane, waste of time, money, fuel etc.

splendide · 17/09/2017 13:39

But nobody is asking you to Viserion

diddl · 17/09/2017 13:42

Isn't the issue just as much that Op's husband has agreed though?

Why would he??

ihatetosay · 17/09/2017 13:43

i agree with you go to the local cinema and grab some food with money and time saved

Floisme · 17/09/2017 13:45

He's seeing his son. Maybe he doesn't want to save time.

LonginesPrime · 17/09/2017 13:50

Yes, they're probably looking forward to the car journey too and getting time to talk too.

lasttimeround · 17/09/2017 13:55

Yes you were being a night mean but big bravo in recognising that sl most immediately in subsequent posts op

splendide · 17/09/2017 13:57

i agree with you go to the local cinema and grab some food with money and time saved

But again, it's not you (or OP) going. I find this so baffling - that would be your preference, so what?

strawberrygate · 17/09/2017 14:00

few weeks back DH and I went for a night out to a music even and was looking forward to having an adult night out but you stepson IS an adult; who enjoys spending time with his dad. You sound horrible, I hope you don't let him know you don't want him around

Plop5 · 17/09/2017 14:07

I think it's up to DH not you. What does he prefer?

Allesda · 17/09/2017 14:08

Glad you can see you have control issues OP but seriously back off! None if your business and you're just going to wreck your own head by getting involved in little things that don't involve you. I grew up with a very controlling mother and every tiny detail was quizzed, queried and often adjusted just to keep her happy. You run the risk of your DH and DAD really resenting you and you'll have nobody to blame but yourself.

TatianaLarina · 17/09/2017 14:10

I think the real issue is why a 22 year old man is not earning any money, has no social life and can't drive.

If he was supporting himself, paying for himself and driving himself and his dad I doubt you'd have an issue with it OP?

I still think it's bonkers to drive that far for a film that's down the road.

MummaTwinkleToes · 17/09/2017 14:11

I have a DSS22 as well. If they are 'desperate' to see the film together it's obviously important to them. If it was a film I'd wanted to see as well I would be a bit miffed if they hadn't thought to invite me along but otherwise I don't see a problem. I certainly would never force them to change their plans. As a SM you should be encouraging them to spend time one-on one.