Truthfully I know IABU so no holding back. I need to be told. Perhaps even to reach rock bottom so that my thoughts have to change - help me get the lid of rationality screwed back on tight.
My partners DD22, let's call her Sarah, and her BF23 have stayed with us for the last week. [we live in a holiday destination, they live in the UK - Sarah visits once a year] It's pretty much the only time my DP sees his DD.
I have had big issues from being separated from my Dad age 2 [he later took his own life aged 38] and from my mum age 4-8 most of which I have resolved but consequently I don't have much idea about healthy relationships.
Whilst Sarah and BF are here I feel I am on constant alert to listen to conversation between them and DP and also ashamedly - to continually complain to him about their behaviour. For example they stay in their room every night watching movies, they don't say good morning or night and don't appear to be that interested in him. Sarah tends to be really quiet and whispers instead of talks and replies to conversation is often just a 'yes', 'no' or 'stuff' - even if you ask open ended questions. Last night during dinner Sarah and BF were talking about taking B's mum out for a birthday meal and yet her Dad doesn't even get a card. He isn't bothered about this at all and of course its none of my business either but I have such difficulty containing my feelings. I don't say anything to them of course and I totally get they are kids still, having only just left Uni and that kids can be selfish, [I have 3 adult dc's of my own.] and that in the main they're just wanting a cheap holiday. Still it would actually be nice for them to offer to take us out for a meal, or if that's too much, to give a small thank you gift.
I find I am often raging inside but at the same time knowing this is completely ridiculous. I have times when I get a grip and everything is ok but it doesn't last long enough and I get so disappointed and then start to hate myself.
My DP isn't what you would call overly affectionate with anyone and is quite insular and self contained. He's not really keen to talk about feelings as he believes that it can just perpetuate and intensify it all. I do relate to this at times but sometimes my emotions seem to be too big. He has spent years meditating and sometimes I find his non reactivity bloody challenging - I guess he just doesn't understand what it feels like. We've been together 4 years and prior to this I had relationships with very dysfunctional/abusive men.
I also think part of the problem is that with Sarah and her Dad there are no rules, they always have complete freedom to do what they want/or not and for some reason I find this personally distressing and yet at the same time I get how wonderful this must be for her.
I know it's connected to jealousy/insecurity and over the years I have worked really hard on this but why, why, why can't I just let it all go?