To want to put my son in care.

[ChubbyMummy12]

My ds is 6 next month and is being assessed for ADHD. I can't cope with him anymore. All he does is scream at me, throw stuff at me, tells me he hates me, trashes his room, bangs in his room, steals food from the cupboards, he teases his little sister, and she's only 20months. We've spoken to a family support worker to help find ways to discipline him and none of it works, he just don't care. He has me in tears every single day, I just can't do it anymore. Iv been reading up on the section 20 care order, has anyone got anymore information or experience about that? I just can't do it anymore and I don't know what to do

What's he like if your little girl isn't there? Do you have a good bond with him? What was your relationship like with him before she was born?

What's he like in school?

God, how difficult

No advice at all but you sound at the end of your tether so I'm reaching out a hand hold.

He's always been the same. Even as a baby he was difficult, he wouldn't sleep or eat and he would just scream and cry all day and night. He's just the same when his little sister isn't around, i did think it could be jealousy so we arranged one to one time with me and his dad but nothings changed. Sometimes he can be really sweet, especially to his sister but 90% he's awful

When he started school last year, he was in time out every day, sent to the head and was made to change class rooms. He's been back just over a week now and I haven't heard anything from his teacher

Has anyone suggested PDA to you? A friend who has a son with extreme behaviour issues uses some pda techniques (although he isn't diagnosed). It might be worth a try?

www.pdasociety.org.uk/families/strategies

Talk to SS

Don't give up wait until you get his condition diagnosed and you begin to get the support that you need. I know 6 years must feel like an eternity, but you've come so far and it will get better I wish I could give you better advice

I have no advice. But my heart bleeds for you. Do you have any support, anybody who is willing to take him for the weekend/ night/ evening just to give you a bit of breathing space? I'm sending you a massive hug.

Thingsthatgo I use a couple of those on the list already, sometimes it works but most of the time they don't.

Yorkshire the only person who's willing to have him over night is my mil, but that's only on her days off work which is Monday & Tuesday so he only stays during half term.

What exactly do you mean by 'care'? I mean how long were you thinking - indefinitely or shorter term foster care? I would consider asking if there was anyway SS could arrange for someone to have your son one or two days a week maybe to give you all a break before considering anything more permanent. Definitely do get help though you sound completely drained from it all - and there is NO shame whatsoever in seeking support

What's he like with your MIL? Is he able to control himself then or can she just put up with it easier?

Years ago I saw a lady bring interviewed on TV. She had asked SS to take her severely disabled child into care or even have him adopted because she couldn't cope with him. Instead SS arranged for a foster carer specialising in looking after children with disabilities to have him during the week. He went home to his family on weekends and I think one evening a week. I remember the interviewer saying it was an unusual way to do things (but maybe it's more common now?) but it had transformed this family and the woman was so much happier.

Semi I don't even know, Iv just got to the point now where I can't stand to be around him and I know I sound like a horrible heartless cow, but I feel like I'm starting to resent him.

Mybrilliant mil never says how he's been, Iv over heard her once saying that she's had to abandon her shopping in the trolley cause he was trying to pull suff off the shelves and he creating a drama so she just picked him up and left. But she usually lets him have his own way with everything

This is the third or fourth post in the last couple of weeks with the op saying they want to 'put their child in care'.

You do realise you can't just drop your child off at SS and have them in care right?

I don't even know, Iv just got to the point now where I can't stand to be around him and I know I sound like a horrible heartless cow, but I feel like I'm starting to resent him - No, you don't sound heartless at all and only an arsehole would judge you when they haven't walked a day in your shoes. It's no good for anyone to carry on as you are if you really aren't coping. Both your children would suffer long term as it will take a terrible toll on your mental health, that's if it hasn't already.

for you OP.

Have you spoken to SS at all?

You don't say who is assessing him. I would be trying to get a referral to a child psychiatrist TBH. They have access to all sorts of other referrals, for example to special parenting groups for families with an ADHD child. Your GP could help you access this.

OP..Go in and see teachers next week..My DS has recently started ADHD medication..He is like another child. How far are you through the assessment process?

I have a son with ADHD. I can totally understand why you feel this way. Can you look up support in your area? Maybe his school can point you in the right direction? I'm not sure what support is available, I'd imagine it varies across the country. At my son's school there's a parent support adviser- she's sent me a massive list of websites to look through and offered to pop round just for a chat if I need it.

Hang fire OP and see if you get a diagnosis of ADHD for you DS . If you do then you may find they can give him medication which will help. I work with children like your son and the difference when they have the right drug regime and behaviour techniques is phenomenal . Good luck

Piglet I haven't spoken to them yet, il feel like even more of a failure, but I just don't no what to do anymore and right now it feels like my only option or il just end up walking out the door and not coming back

OP, has your DS been assessed for anything else? My DB was sent to a PRU at age 6, diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder and the psychotherapy and social skills training provided at the PRU worked absolute wonders. He's still not the biggest fan of authority, and he can be an absolute shit, but he's funny, well liked, and popular among teachers and other pupils, and he's doing fine educationally. Wants to be a lawyer because he loves arguing.

I think there's lots that can be done to help. Once my mum had that diagnosis for him, services just kept opening up. It will hopefully get much better OP

This sounds like a really tough situation for you OP You sound utterly exhausted by it all.

I second contacting social services and seeing if you can be assessed for something like overnight respite care.

He's seen a paediatrician, and he's seen TaMHS, that's as far as it's got at the moment and Iv been told quite possible ADHD, and they're going to be sending someone out to school to observe him.