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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to put my son in care.

90 replies

ChubbyMummy12 · 15/09/2017 20:12

My ds is 6 next month and is being assessed for ADHD. I can't cope with him anymore. All he does is scream at me, throw stuff at me, tells me he hates me, trashes his room, bangs in his room, steals food from the cupboards, he teases his little sister, and she's only 20months. We've spoken to a family support worker to help find ways to discipline him and none of it works, he just don't care. He has me in tears every single day, I just can't do it anymore. Iv been reading up on the section 20 care order, has anyone got anymore information or experience about that? I just can't do it anymore and I don't know what to do

OP posts:
iamyourequal · 15/09/2017 22:45

I don't have any answers for you OP, but pray you find a way through this and your DS gets the diagnosis and treatment he needs and that you get more support for you. Take care. Flowers

Original poster
ChubbyMummy12 · 15/09/2017 22:58

Greentomato thank you, I will start a dairy tomorrow.

He is much worse when he's tired yes, but it's a constant from the minute he gets up till he goes to bed. He can't seem to sit still, and there's Constant talking cant play with one toy or anything he's just a whirlwind, gets bored easily, lacks concentration. If he hurts the cats, dog, or his sister I try to do the thinking step, or if he's been really horrible or teasing dd, il tell him to stop, he'll say no, so Il tell him he either stops or goes to his room & that it's his choice, and that's when he will scream and shout and start throwing things around down stairs and he won't stop so I end up trying to carry him up stairs while he's going off on one, and he trashes his room. And it can go on all day

OP posts:
Corcory · 15/09/2017 23:06

I really feel for you. I know what this situation is like we have two adopted children now diagnosed with ADHD, ASD and sensory processing disorder. Life was hell before the diagnosis.

There are things you can do in the mean time whilst you wait for an ADHD diagnosis. Firstly it's really important to look after yourself. I would go to see your GP and explain how you are feeling and what the situation is like at home with your DS. I am sure you are suffering from sever stress being in this situation continuously. Some rest bite for you is vital, the G.P. might suggest counselling which I had and was really good. I was also put on anti depressants which really helped me be able to cope.
I would also say, don't sweat the small stuff. in that I found that once I just ignored some of the stuff he did it got better. I stopped conversing with him, trying to talk/argue with him whilst he was in a meltdown or about to go into meltdown and that helped. I didn't fuel the fire then. We discovered there were many triggers for our children's aggressive ways. One of the main ones was being over stimulated. Supermarkets and shops are often a disaster, so we just stopped taking them to them. If you have a look at sensory processing disorder you may well find some things that he does and find some ways people have found that help. An O.T. assessment might be a good thing to get.
Just talking about it has made a massive difference to me and my ability to cope. Hugs. you can do it.

GorgeousLadyOfWrangling · 16/09/2017 07:12

Flowers BrewCake

Miserylovescompany2 · 16/09/2017 08:08

Whatever you do - please don't assume the people/agencies you turn to for help have an in-depth knowledge of your child's condition/diagnosis.

There is very little separating needing help for your children to them being placed on CIN (child in need) plans, CPP (child protection plan). This is in part due to money/lack of awareness and generic box ticking

When a child has a level of need especially a long term one - go for an assessment of needs - direct payments

Learn as much as you can about your sons condition so you can challenge those who are making decisions blind.

BeansandSausages · 16/09/2017 09:15

Had a similar issue. Corcory words it wonderfully. Some things you have to let go and acceptance of him and what works for him will come.

Try your local children's centre as they often have parenting courses to help which you can send refer to. Locally we have sessions for kids for mental health too, via gp. Tts website is good for fidget aids which can help, weighted blankets, fidget toys etc.

With time and outside help this will get better. You are obviously a caring mum but it's understandable it's getting to you, it is hard work. Say, actually this is something I'm allowed to be stressed about because it is stressful! I found talking to other mums locally helped, good to know how others have coped.

Hugs to you.

DontDrinkDontSmoke · 16/09/2017 09:21

I hope you get the help you need OP Flowers

Original poster
ChubbyMummy12 · 16/09/2017 11:09

I haven't really got anyone to talk to about it, friends all think he's completely fine and just gets excited to see them, they don't understand or believe me when I say it's constant, and mil, well, she's told me it's all made up he's fine, and it's my fault he behaves like it.

Thank you all, you've given me a lot to look at and think about. I'm going to push more for the diagnosis and hope to god I get some help and support, I'm going to look into parenting classes too. Thank you

OP posts:
MyDcAreMarvel · 16/09/2017 11:15

Have you claimed dla for you dd? You do not need a diagnosis. Having extra money to pay for breakages , a new PlayStation game, a day out at a sports activity , more expensive ready prepared healthy food etc can help ease the stress to some extent.

Mittens1969 · 16/09/2017 11:36

MyDcAreMarvel, you're absolutely right. We get DLA for DD1, she has Attachment Disorder, though no official diagnosis. That is where it's easier with an adopted child, as there is post adoption support (though right now I'm not too impressed with them).

Queen21 · 17/08/2020 23:07

Hello its awful to say that I'm having a problem with my son he got diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 6 his now 14 I have kids cuming to my home and I've got other children in the home to including a 5 year old he smoke weed I'm involved with social services I have to report him missing nealy every night I've tryed to help him but not getting anywhere its getting to that point that I cant cope with it no more his had a knife up to me called me names he kicks my door through he stolen stuff off me like money an xbox off my other son which he's 13 and all so moved out of my home cos he doesn't feel safe my second oldest daughter has move out too she has just turned 16 dont no what else I can do I cry myself to sleep every night that's if I can even get to sleep cos I cry that much 😔😥
Thanks donna

gamerchick · 17/08/2020 23:28

You need to do your own thread. People will just reply to the OP on this one.

Jaffacakemoon · 17/08/2020 23:34

Flowers for you Donna Flowers that sounds incredibly hard. Agree with pp, start your own thread on here or you won’t get proper answers on this one as ir’s an old one from 2017

Waveysnail · 17/08/2020 23:39

Iv 2 adhd boys and another about to be diagnosed. Push diagnosis, pay private if you have to and get him on medication - complete life change for us. Saved our sanity and found our lovely boys again. I did all parenting classes etc but only medication made the difference. Mine dont ha e massive sleep issues but melatonin can be useful

Waveysnail · 17/08/2020 23:40

Urgh ZOMBIE

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