AIBU to be fuming that DS has been sent home because of his hair???

[brodyblake]

DS had his haircut just before he started secondary school. In the uniform rules, it just saying no "extreme hairstyles" does not give any kind of description as to what those may be. Bugger me, he goes in with a perfect uniform, a nice smart haircut and is told it's a no!!! They have said that he is to be in isolation until it grows to an acceptable length they didn't say what would be classed as extreme!!!!!!!!

Do schools with 'no short hair' rules, not have any Black boys?

Frankly just look at different fashions in hair over the decades. See the pic upthread for an example.

Parents who are new to Secondary schools, now, have probably been used to different rules, when they went. In the 80s, at our school, many of the pupils has dyed and highlighted hair. Makeup and nail varnish was the only thing you might have to remove - but not if not too obvious.

Oh and boys were allowed a single earring, then, at our school.

One thing I will say about ds's school was that they had very clear rules about haircuts. For example it had to be grade 2 or above which is reasonable. Of course at the end of each term ds would leave school, go straight to the barbers and get a grade 1!
Did anyone see the mother on This Morning whose son started at a boys' school in London and has been placed in isolation all week for having dreadlocks? She was very articulate and convincing but then the headmaster phoned in and pointed out this was a clearly stated policy and they should have thought about it before applying for the school. I have a feeling the school is going to win.

Oh I know. I was always having my jewellery confiscated at school so I get it on one level.

I just go cautious with my kids though, because it's important to me that they don't stand out for the wrong reasons. It was a daily battle with my DD when she was at secondary school re her trousers.... I won though

Grandmaster
The school round here has been accused of racism several times by white parents, who's sons have been put in seclusion, while black boys have had pretty much number ones all over.
School don't give a shit tbh.

I don't even live in the UK but I've heard enough about kids being put in isolation/ sent home for hair/ uniform violations to know what to aim for, both for girls and boys.

You don't even need the girliness. To begin with, play safe. Get a safe haircut. It's really really not complicated. Under grade 3 is in dangerous territory in loads of schools. Even I know that.

Mind you that hair tend hasn't reached here (yet?) And nobody at all has such a short cut. No uniforms here, but there doesn't seem to be any problems at all with unsuitable clothes/hair. I guess not having any rules, means no one is trying to push any boundries, at least where appearance is concerned.

'Playing it safe' is subjective, though. Especially when people in the community commonly have much more outrageous and flamboyant hair.

And what about hair coverings, as worn by religious communities? Would that be a way out? Or cultural approbation?

Everyone needs to look similar, not because of control, but so everyone is the same and individuals can't be picked out.

Given that many MNers seem to yearn for North Korean style approach to school unifirm, it's odd that they aren't super keen on the hairstyle under discussion.

It's not subjective though, when even from another country over and over again you hear takes off kids getting sent home for too- short/dyed/extreme haircuts, and what schools generally consider to be 'extreme'.

It doesn't matter if you regularly see people with dyed/ shaved hair. Or often send in skimpy clothes or whatever. There have been enough daily fail sad faces of late to know pretty well what's ok and what isn't. And if in doubt, don't see, don't go under a grade 3, sick to plain black shoes, trousers not too tight, skirts not too short etc etc. I've never had to deck my kids out in uk school uniform, but I went to school in uk and had to stick to a strict uniform, and I've read enough complaints bc to have a reasonable idea. I really don't think it's complicated.

The poster early on who said uniform makes people non conformist has it.

Like Earnest I live abroad in a country without school uniform and have never had to argue with the kids about what they wear, or their hair, and all the kids look pretty similar in jeans and t shirts and longish hair (boys and girls). There just isn't ever an issue, and I've kids at secondary school.

Young adults who've left school here are generally far more conformist than in the UK in terms of hair and clothes.

raven, I don't understand how the conversations didn't happen whilst setting the rules. It's clear that 'no shaved hair styles' discriminates against black boys. And it's clear you can't have separate rules depending on skin colour. I couldn't trust a school, who were apparently so stupid

It's not subjective though, when even from another country over and over again you hear takes off kids getting sent home for too- short/dyed/extreme haircuts, and what schools generally consider to be 'extreme'.

It is, as what is an 'acceptable' hairstyle clearly varies throughout history and different cultures. If parents are not regularly in a school environment, 'extreme' hairstyle might mean something different to them.

Thankfully, my DC does not like anything outrageous or that would make them stand out. So they tend to self regulate.

And where we live is quite conservative, hair fashion wise. More difficult if you live in a community with more hair variations.

I was at secondary school in the 1980s and we all spent a good percentage of our time subverting school uniform rules and seeing what we could get away with. How you wore your uniform and how/ whether you broke uniform rules in little ways (like the wrong socks, or skirt a bit too short, a not quite uniform cardigan, wore your tie very short, cut your hair too short or coloured it a "theoretically could be natural at a push" colour) defined your individuality or teen tribe as clearly as non uniform hair and clothing. More fuss and attention was paid to uniform tweaks than is to ordinary clothes worn to school.

I'll always remember the girl who dyed her hair "school uniform blue" just to see what would happen, she was a bit of a hero (she got suspended).

At my kids' non uniform school nobody would care if they had blue hair - it's a non issue, so the drama doesn't happen.

Jesus, the teachers when I was a kid were obsessed with the short back and sides being 'correct'

I have to say that it is the haircut of choice for the grunting monkeys that hang around outside macdonalds calling people pedophiles...

But it's basically a Turkish barber thing, and that is well on trend..

GrandMasterFlash Both my DCs are mixed race. Both my DCs schools have this rule. DS in Primary - no patterns, no shaved heads or partly shaved heads.
DD in secondary. She's allowed extensions. So are other children. They're just not allowed coloured extensions. As they see it the same as hair dye. Fair enough to me .

She doesn't usually have extensions but we had to resort to them when her numpty of a father took her for a 'trim' and had ALL her hair cut very very short (think pixie cut). It's taken almost a year to grow back long enough to put a bobble in.

I'm sure the sociology is something like the more a haircut is seen as working class identifier, the more it becomes unacceptable. Black kids will get away with it because they are often, incorrectly I might add, seen as unavoidably working class. It's curious where I live that the more middle class black kids have the more kid n play, afro, type haircuts, but the skin fade is often an ethnic route to western hairstyles. There's a documentary about the skin fade in India and its really interesting as the whole town suddenly looks weather because of this one barber.

I think the skin fade started as a way of black hair looking like a white short back and sides..

I'm sure the sociology is something like the more a haircut is seen as working class identifier, the more it becomes unacceptable

I was thinking that, scary. It's a bit sad really...

I'm sure the sociology is something like the more a haircut is seen as working class identifier, the more it becomes unacceptable

I wouldn't think that. Doesn't the Army have strict rules about haircuts? I dont see any body in the Army sticking out as working class. Mainly because they all have to conform to the same uniform rules.

Doesn't the Army have strict rules about haircuts? I dont see any body in the Army sticking out as working class. Mainly because they all have to conform to the same uniform rules.

What age do people join the cadets? Would that be a problem with schools. What haircut rules to schools have placed amongst army communities?

Jon no coloured extensions is acceptable to me. No shaving? ....nope. None of our local schools would entertain that. It probably depends on demographic. But that would be a constant, battle with kids and parent. And rightly so

Apologise if someone has said this but I think part of the issue for schools is not the length of hair per se but allowing styles that have negative connotations e.g. skinheads, tramlines, styles favoured by rappers and gangs. They don't usually want kids forming breakaway groups centred around identity within the school environment. Uniform is meant to prevent that and yes, to some extent that does mean stifling innovation and expression of identity but that's not the school's primary purpose. They can do that outside school with their choice of clothing, jewellery etc.

I just cannot understand what the problem is. Apart from school policies which are blatantly unclear, I cannot comprehend why any parent would ever send their child to school in any way which even possibly does not comply with the uniform and appearance rules.

I have read of only one case in the past few years where the school seems to be in the wrong: a case of a boy whose shoes looked identical to the allowed shoes in the uniform guidelines provided by the school (they had photos). In every other case, including all those sadfaces in the DM, on the news, the story this week with a mother and her child with a coloured Kickers logo moaning "but these cost me £50, they're not against the rules" (the guidelines state clearly no coloured logos), and in this thread, it is blatantly obvious that the child and parents are at fault and there is a clear violation.

For this one sphere in their life, for this one period in their life, teach them respect, teach them right from wrong, regard education as a rounded experience and not just about passing Maths, teach them awareness of others and how sometimes the group adapts to care for all, that you don't always get what you want and demand, that the world does not revolve round them, to just wear the uniform, belong, be proud, concentrate on their studies, and treasure these hours in school to forget about fashion and focus their wonderful minds on learning. Support the schools, do your job as parents, educate your children.