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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is being at nursery better than being with grandmother??? I don't know what to do!

97 replies

digituna · 13/09/2017 22:59

I am a single mother (this was agreed) to my little one who is 1. I have taken a year off for mat leave, using savings (I am happy with the amount of savings I have). My income is around 30k which is around 23k bring home and that's around 1.9k a month. Nursery would be 1.25k a month... I wouldn't even be able to pay off my bills/mortgage, etc. with what's left.

My mum has offered to have her for those days, but 5 days a week is a hell of a lot of time with her. I can't imagine it being something that could work for the next 2 years...

I could pay for her nursery out of my savings, which would work, but it would take a massive chunk of my savings...

I have thought about half and half so she does 5 mornings at nursery, then 5 afternoons with my mum. That would cut the fees massively and not make it so hard for my mum.

However, is paying the extra worth it for her to be at nursery?? My mum is lovely and a great grandmother but she is very much, McDonalds for dinner and films all afternoon.

Any advice would be nice

OP posts:

Whatthesausage · 13/09/2017 23:02

Hi, have you looked into what tax credits are available to help with childcare costs? Or voucher scheme through employers x

RicottaPancakes · 13/09/2017 23:03

If you think your mum would look after your daughter well I think it would be better for your daughter to be with her, and it would be cheaper too.

Tumbleweed101 · 13/09/2017 23:03

Before you decide have you looked into what help you might get via tax credits towards childcare or other childcare schemes through your workplace?

SaucyJack · 13/09/2017 23:03

I think 5 afternoons would still be hard on your mum. She can't ever plan a day's clothes shopping, or a long lunch with her best mate.

If you're going to split it, be best of doing mornings or two full days with your mum, and the rest of the time at nursery.

Gunpowder · 13/09/2017 23:04

I think the mornings at nursery, afternoons with your mum sounds like a brilliant compromise! It will save you lots of money and leaving your DC with someone who loves them is invaluable. If she's been at nursery in the morning it doesn't matte if she watches CBeebies with your mum every afternoon.

HellsBellsnBucketsofBlood · 13/09/2017 23:05

Depends on the nursery and also on how your mum interacts with children. If she will take her to the park, a few play groups and talk to her a lot, then the savings would be good. Nursery isn't a requirement if children have chance elsewhere to be socialised.

It also depends on your relationship with your mum - any issues/resentments can be magnified. Are you OK with your mum not necessarily doing things your way?

Only1scoop · 13/09/2017 23:05

5 days full time is way too much

Can you do 2.5 days nursery and 2.5 days dm?

NoSquirrels · 13/09/2017 23:06

I'd go half & half, OP - 3 full days at nursery, 2 full days with your Mum. Or 2.5 each.

Generally speaking I'd go for one-to-one care for an under 2, but McDonalds & TV every day is not great, so you'd want to mitigate that.

Sashkin · 13/09/2017 23:06

I would do half and half like you say. It is quite a big commitment for your mum, and you don't want her to burn out. I also think it is nice for kids to spend a bit of time at nursery - they do activities like messy play and group games that you can't/wouldn't want to do in your own house.

I'm going to be working compressed hours when I go back so I get an afternoon off a week too - is there any way you could do that? My friends who work part time say they don't see much of their toddlers during the week because they go straight to bed as soon as they get home. If you have an afternoon a week at home you'll get a bit more quality time.

Original poster

digituna · 13/09/2017 23:07

How do I find out if I can get childcare help??

Yes or 2.5 days for each. No my mum won't take her out etc. which is okay but I don't know how good that'll be for her, not trying to be mean either, but it would probably get to me if my mum rebelled against my wishes

OP posts:

Stickerrocks · 13/09/2017 23:08

Every afternoon with your mum is a big commitment for her. She would constantly have to plan her days around nursery pick ups and would find it difficult to plan appointments etc. What will you do to co-ordinate holidays, cover illness etc? I would consider a number of full days at nursery each week alongside full days with your mum. Remember that many nurseries have more spaces available on Mondays & Friday's, because so many people take these days off if they work part time.

SalamiSandwich · 13/09/2017 23:08

Can she not do half and half? Don't forget you'll get funded hours as she gets older.

Original poster

digituna · 13/09/2017 23:09

I have thought about part time you know, I am wondering if it could actually end up being cheaper!!

OP posts:

NoSquirrels · 13/09/2017 23:09

When you say "this was agreed" about being a single mum, does that mean you don't claim CM either?

Benefits you can go to entitledto.com (I think) & stick in your figures.

Original poster

digituna · 13/09/2017 23:09

Yes I don't get CM

OP posts:

WhatsThisNow · 13/09/2017 23:10

McDonalds and films? At age 1? Generally I'd say being cared for by a grandparent trumps most other forms of childcare but being completely unstimulated would bother me. Can you try a childminder? They are cheaper than nurseries. And throw in a day with your mum?

Rainshowers · 13/09/2017 23:10

Why don't you split it? As she gets older, 5 days a week will be a lot for your mum to fill. I work three days, DD goes to nursery for two and is with grandparents on the third. This works well for us and she gets time with them that enjoy and loves nursery. Plus the day she spends with them means a few more ££ left at the end of the month!

mishfish · 13/09/2017 23:11

Hey OP

As a single parent on £30k you should be entitled to come tax credits. Also look into the tax free childcare scheme on the HMRC website and see what you'll be better off with. I believe that as you're a lone parent, you'll also be entitled to the 30 hours funding from the term after your DC turns 2 (so the April, September of January after their 2nd birthday).

In your position I would have my DC in nursery 3 days a week and with my mum 2. I would claim tax credits or pay into the tax free child care account for help with the costs. Then once my DC turns 2, the 30 hours would pay for the 3 days DC is at nursery and mum could continue for the remaining 2 days.

Also look into your housing benefit and council tax reduction entitlement.

Secondtimesally · 13/09/2017 23:12

Have you looked into childminders? They are cheaper than nursery, and provide a home environment which I personally think is better for such a young child. Your council will have a list of registered childminders.

LittleBearPad · 13/09/2017 23:13

I wouldn't leave her with your mother full time given what you say. If your mum took her to children's centres, playgroups etc it might be different.
Maybe a day or so with your mum.

Ojoj1974 · 13/09/2017 23:14

Half and half sounds like a great plan. If your DD has been at nursery all am then a quieter pm is fine. I would however totally ban Mc Donald's with no negotiations

NoSquirrels · 13/09/2017 23:15

Your choice, obviously, on the child maintenance, but I'd think about claiming something in the future. DC deserve to be supported by both parents, even if he wasn't thrilled with you keeping the pregnancy. And even if you don't "need" it now, you could stick it in a savings account.

Original poster

digituna · 13/09/2017 23:18

Unfortunately I wouldn't be able to claim CM as I don't know who he is, no judgments please

OP posts:

Camomila · 13/09/2017 23:25

I'd do 3 days nursery, 2 days with grandma if I were you as well.

2 days a week of CBeebies with grandma isn't that bad really, and if you are worried there'll be a bit too much McDonald's you could always batch cook lunches for your DD.

Xmasbaby11 · 13/09/2017 23:26

2 or 3 full days with nursery and the rest with your mum. You may find you have to increase nursery when your dd gets older and needs more stimulation.

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