Is being at nursery better than being with grandmother??? I don't know what to do!

[digituna]

I am a single mother (this was agreed) to my little one who is 1. I have taken a year off for mat leave, using savings (I am happy with the amount of savings I have). My income is around 30k which is around 23k bring home and that's around 1.9k a month. Nursery would be 1.25k a month... I wouldn't even be able to pay off my bills/mortgage, etc. with what's left.

My mum has offered to have her for those days, but 5 days a week is a hell of a lot of time with her. I can't imagine it being something that could work for the next 2 years...

I could pay for her nursery out of my savings, which would work, but it would take a massive chunk of my savings...

I have thought about half and half so she does 5 mornings at nursery, then 5 afternoons with my mum. That would cut the fees massively and not make it so hard for my mum.

However, is paying the extra worth it for her to be at nursery?? My mum is lovely and a great grandmother but she is very much, McDonalds for dinner and films all afternoon.

Any advice would be nice

Ah OK - fair enough! Totally different to choosing not to claim, then. I mentioned it only because sometimes people make decisions when stressed and unsure that need revisiting later, but not applicable in your case.

If I do 3 days at nursery, I'll be left with 294 to pay for the mortgage, the bills, food, etc. a week

For our nursery, two half days were more expensive than one whole day, so splitting the week into 2.5 days with your Mum and 2.5 days with nursery would be cheaper than doing 5 half days with each (and I would think would be more flexible for your Mum)

Can you do half days for babies at nursery?!

Nurseries round here don't offer half day places for under 2's. Only full days. You can do half days from age 2+ though.
It has caused problems with parents who have a child over 2 who does part time hours and then baby starts nursery. It was the same when I was a baby! - I went to nursery 2 full days, 3 days with grandma.

I've worked in a few nurseries as well and they don't offer half days for under 2's!

You could send lunches
You could also send 'things to do'
Play doh paints colouring books etc
Plus educational videos

Have a look into childcare fees and free hours

Where are you based? Some providers are far more expensive than others!

Can you get a lodger in to help with costs? I know you have savings but anything helps - if you're in londonnsome people want a house share in the week and go home weekends

Sorry, not helpful, genuinely had no idea you could do half days for under 2's!

As other posters have said I think half and half would be the best of both worlds. I wouldn't do full time nursery unless I had to. Your mum sounds lovely to offer. I would at least give it a go. Your situation is very similar to mine when my daughter was small. We split between nursery and grandparents. She thrived.

Go to one of the salary calculator websites and work out your take home based on 4 days. You'll probably find there's not much difference, especially once you factor in childcare. You might find that you'd be eligible for tax credits to help cover the cost of childcare. If you are, then I believe you'd be entitled to funded hours from when she's 2yo

If not, then vouchers/tax free childcare will help.

In your situation, I'd do 3 days at nursery, and a full day (or two afternoons with your mum), and Friday's off, if that's a possibility

5 full days is an awfully big ask of GP's even if they say they're willing to do it. It's also sensible to not be 100% reliant on a family member for childcare in case (God forbid) something happens that means your DM suddenly can't do it - could be anything from a broken arm to a serious illness (as happened to my BIL/SIL and their arrangement with her parents).

A 50/50 split is probably the best solution, you can always up the nursery time when your LO is eligible for their free hours.

If your mum is happy to do it then Do half and half or 2 at nursery and 3 with your mum.
I agree with pp. have some things to do at your mums including some garden toys if there's a garden. Send a packed lunch and snacks. That will make it easier for your mum too.

Find out from your work if they do childcare vouchers - most nurseries accept a variety, it will end up saving you 33% but the max you can claim a month is £243

Alternatively you willl qualify for tax free childcare which will save 20% there is no limit but you will need to work more than 16 hours per week

You should be getting help with childcare costs. Try entitledto and see what it comes up with.

I think 2 or 3 days at nursery and the rest with your mum are best option. Splitting every day seems tricky and more likely for your mum to get tired.

My mum looked after my boy from 6m till school, she was early 60's. She took him out everywhere (on foot and public transport). I did have to spend time with her on his diet and she generally got there. I paid my mum (a fraction of nursery costs) because if she hadn't have looked after my son, she'd have had a pt job still. Perhaps doing that would encourage your mum to be more proactive?

I agree with green - pack lunches to help your mum, and help mitigate the McDonald's, it half and half seems good to me, however you split it. Mine are in nursery ft 5 days and it is very tiring for them, a bit too much tv as long as they are getting some stimulation when under 3 isn't the end of the world. When you get free hours just up the nursery - the stimulation matters more as they get older imo.

Having a nice gp is worth its weight in gold, even if they are a fan of tv and mcd's.

Sorry, x post about the 3 days

Miracle my DSs nursery does half days. Guess it depends where you are.

OP, I agree with the others suggesting 2-3 full days at nursery and the rest with your mum. I'd also look at other nursery options or a childminder, as £1250 a month FT is pretty expensive. Obviously it varies with location, but do look at other options.

I would do half and half. But time with grandparents is invaluable, I wish my parents were around to do it (which they would love to, but we live 1000miles apart)

While she's so small I don't think it would matter for dd. As she gets older she will need the interaction and stimulation of nursery. However thinking of your mum I would split it. Its really hard work as you know! I did a day with me, 2 days at nursery and 2 days with grandma. Got help with nursery fees via child tax credits. Look into what help you would get with fees and see if you can manage that?

Have I read right that you can do this out of savings ?
I don't know how having savings would affect any claims for help, but, if you are entitled, there different things to look into - both tax credits and childcare vouchers, which all add up.
Your Mum doesn't sound ideal, but I think you need to look closely at the figures to see what you can actually afford.
If you are in a stable career, with potential for future earnings being high, then would it be worth negotiating with your mortgage company for either a payment holiday, or moving to interest only for 2 years of so ? Find out when you can claim 30 hours "free" childcare, or at least the 15hours education funding which might help.
Maybe go with your Mum just one day a week - it will save you money but doesn't sound great for your dc for more than one day a week, from what you say, and will also cause you anxiety. Also find out about the possibilities of working 4 days a week yourself for a couple of years - look into how much your income will reduce (it will be less than 1/5th due to the way personal tax allowance works), compared with how much you save in Nursery fees.

When you know the answers to all the options, you'll be in a better position to make a decision.

I think your mum can look after her full time until she turns 2. Then you'll have free hours at nursery and you can share the load. 1 year is not that long, your mum won't be overwhelmed only in one year, given that she already offered her help.

My mum used to look after my son until he was 2.5. She was more than happy to look after him and she's quite sad now as we moved to somewhere else. I had to send my son to nursery and I still miss the help from my mum a lot, it was so easy when she was taking care of him. I need to work afterhours sometimes, sometimes my son gets sick, it's really not easy to arrange childcare. Assuming you were exaggerating when you were saying mcdonalds for dinners and films for all afternoons, I wouldn't care much if she didn't have a well planned day with lots of activities, as long as I know she's being loved and cared for.

If your Mum is volunteering to do it, and you trust her, then I'd definitely say give it a try, but have a back up plan for in case she cannot keep up, in case there is some emergency where she cannot do it, in case she goes on a holiday, or whatever. Sure it's possible that her eyes may be bigger than her stomach, as it were, so give her a trial period so she can make sure she's really up to it before you commit 100%.

My Nan watched me, my sister, and my three cousins - that's FIVE of us - from when we were born until about 16 or so. She cared for mine when they were young every day until we moved away as well. This was before mat leave was so good, so she always had an infant GC in the house all day, as long as I can remember. She is still caring for her GREAT GC even today, when she's free!

She was perfectly able to cope (though God knows how she did it!) and we had a lovely, wonderful childhood with Nan. We were all of us well cared for and looked after, well fed, and safe. And she wasn't especially young - just a tough woman, still kicking about today and I wouldn't pick a fight with her now even in her late 80s!

Childcare is prohibitively expensive, and being with Nan means 1 on 1 care in the hands of somebody who loves your DC fiercely. I definitely felt better and rested easier when they were with my lovely, loving nan than when they were with people who weren't family and were only paid to look after them, iyswim. IMO, if you trust your mum and she is happy to do it, then you're very lucky!

I'd look at the impact on your finances of going pt first (if you'd like to be home with her).

Whether you go full time or part time I'd start off with your Mum looking after her, but mention now that when she's a bit older you'll be looking at other settings with other children.

If your Mum has offered then it's not for anyone here to say it's too much for her or what will she do about appointments etc. she'll take her with her, like a parent would. Honestly, I think anytime you mention a grandparent people picture an elderly lady with a bun & a stick.

You can take steps to avoid some 'hot spots' such as packing her a lunch box & making sure her toys are rotated at your Mums.

Would your Mum take her to a toddler group if she started going with you now?

Will she at least take her out for a walk?

Anyway, I'd start with your Mum & see how it goes - keep your savings intact as much as you can! If it's driving you batshit you can look at other childcare options under the guise of wanting her to have other children to play with.

In my mind it's daft paying for childcare unless/until you absolutely have to.

But if you'd like to go part time definitely look at your options because it should be doable.

Oh & there's NO need to keep apologising for chosing to have a child on your own, it's a perfectly acceptable thing to do 💐

I know your mum has offered full time care, but as a sahm to a toddler it is exhausting and there's no way I could put that on my mum and not feel guilty. Plus your concerns that she will just watch tv all day.

A good compromise in my opinion would be 3 days at nursery and 2 with your mum. Or mornings at nursery if that works financially. Your mum still has her life to live and some freedom, but she can help out if DD is sick (which she will be) and can't go to nursery and DD gets both environments. And if she doesn't do that much with your mum then it's only 2 days a week so not much harm done.

Also my DS (age 2) goes to nursery 2 mornings a week now. I pick him up at about 12.30 after lunch and then he usually naps for 2 hours from 1-3. Those days are bliss! But if your DD has a similar routine then it's actually only a few hours watching tv with grandma

Definately look into tax credits. Lots of nurseries offer half days, short days or just the option of a few full days in the week (for DDs emotional well-being I'd personally send her 3 days a week,I have worked in nurseries for years and the ones who only do 1 or 2 days find it more difficult to settle in).

Could you also go part time? Going part time tax credits are likely to cover 70% of nursery costs and you get precious time at home with DD :)

I honestly think if your DM is going to patent your child in the way you would then your DC will be better off elsewhere. Im all for free play and pyjama days but sticking the tv on for a baby 5 days a week is not going to be good long term.

How about one or two full days with DM and rest at nursery. Also dont forget Childminders can be cheaper than nurseries so that is an option.

Definitely check out tax credits as well. It made a huge difference as did childcare vouchers.