Is being at nursery better than being with grandmother??? I don't know what to do!

[digituna]

I am a single mother (this was agreed) to my little one who is 1. I have taken a year off for mat leave, using savings (I am happy with the amount of savings I have). My income is around 30k which is around 23k bring home and that's around 1.9k a month. Nursery would be 1.25k a month... I wouldn't even be able to pay off my bills/mortgage, etc. with what's left.

My mum has offered to have her for those days, but 5 days a week is a hell of a lot of time with her. I can't imagine it being something that could work for the next 2 years...

I could pay for her nursery out of my savings, which would work, but it would take a massive chunk of my savings...

I have thought about half and half so she does 5 mornings at nursery, then 5 afternoons with my mum. That would cut the fees massively and not make it so hard for my mum.

However, is paying the extra worth it for her to be at nursery?? My mum is lovely and a great grandmother but she is very much, McDonalds for dinner and films all afternoon.

Any advice would be nice

The afternoons with your mum sounds best, especially as DC will soon go to a long afternoon nap after lunch. It won't matter about staying in if she'd just be asleep for 2hrs anyway. Otherwise I'd see if you can organise something for your mum to take her to on her full days, a music class or toddler group. If you said "we go to this group on Tuesdays," as an established thing, she might be more likely to go.

Mine have both done 5 full days at nursery, 50 hours a week so I have ample experience of almost any ft childcare arrangements, various nurseries etc - of course it's 'fine' - it's not desirable though for the under 3s, for the sake of of a bit of junk food and the which can be mitigated easily.

My mum (in her 70s) looked after my son 3 days/week from 11 months. At 1 I think one-to-one care from a loving relative outweighs the benefits of nursery, as children don't really start making friends and playing socially until nearer 3 - at which point, the "free" 15/30 hours kicks in to help with the financial side of things. DS and my mum have such a great bond now, which counts for a lot. He started going to preschool 3 mornings a week at rising 3 which for him, and DM, was the right time. But loves his afternoons with grandma.

Caring for an active toddler or preschooler is harder physical work than caring for a baby so as your DD gets older, there might come a time when it's harder for your DM to outrun her, lift her etc? but that won't be yet (and might not come at all if your DM is young and/or fit). However, 5 days/week is a big commitment and at least longer term, I would have thought that eventually, a 3/2 split (of some kind) would be a better balance for everyone?

My DM and I see broadly eye to eye on childcare, which helps, but there are compromises with any care by someone other than you. We arranged things so DM comes to our house which means all the kit, toys etc are already there, I sort out the food etc, and at the end of the day she can return to her own tidy house and DH and I clear up the day's carnage. Would that work for you and DM (and limit the McDonalds opportunities)?

We also booked her into a weekly local class with DS, and bought an annual pass for a local children's farm, so they could get out. They do mostly potter at home or in the park but at that age, as was said upthread, helping hang up the washing or shell peas is just as good as themed crafts. Normal life is hugely stimulating and exciting when everything is brand new to you!

You should certainly get tax credits to help with childcare costs, I would think several hundred pounds a month, so do investigate that. Tax free childcare/childcare vouchers can also help reduce the "real" cost to you of the balance you have to pay.

TBH, just having a person around to talk 1 on 1 to your child is great for 1-3 year olds

Have a play with your income on the entitled to website, if you dropped to say four days at work you would be entitled to more help with childcare and some child tax credits depending on level of savings. Then maybe look at two days nursery two days with your mum. My DS did a day and a half st nursery from 10-18 months then went to four full days and honestly even now at two and a half and even though he naps there I think it's too much for him, half and half nursery and grandparent care would be the perfect arrangement for me, best of both worlds.

The child psychologist Oliver James ( I read his book) and all the mainstream research says that below 3, the best care is one-to-one and a home setting or one that replicates that as closely as possible. The best carer is one who loves the child. The hierarchy of childcare went: mother or father; grandparent; neighbour or family friend; nanny; childminder; nursery. They don't need 'stimulated' in the same way we or older children do just attention, the odd story, a bit of fresh air and being involved with household chores.

But the best childcare, is what works for you and your budget and child. My dd went to nursery for a short while at that age before I managed to take a career break and the staff were very loving towards her and she did more fun activities in one day than she I could manage in a few weeks!

£1.25k per month is £57 ish per day. - depending where you are in the country you may be able to get cheaper than that. London is certainly in this ballpark but elsewhere £45 ish is possible. Childminders are less. You ought to get at least some of this tax-free, again depends where you are and also what schemes your employers are registered with.

You only have to swallow these costs for 2 or 3 years until the government subsidised early years education funding kicks in. I would go 3 days nursery, 2 days with grandma, spending your savings as necessary.

I read that Oliver James book - what a terrible guilt inducing boat load that was if your only feasible options are to SAHP or use ft nursery. I don't think he's wrong though.

Your still under the bracket for tax credits, I'd use the www.entitledto.co.uk/help/childcare-cost calculator and play about with the figures and see what it comes back with. If it were me I'd definitely be considering part nursery purely for the social aspects.

I was a single parent just outside London on a similar wage with my first and basically my wage was swallowed and I lived off tax credits and CB week to week. £117 a week I think it was. I was so happy when her funded hours kicked in! It's hard but doable...

At 1 years of age, everyday things are stimulating. Being in the garden, "helping" hanging washing out, singing songs. I worked in a nursery. Young kids like simple things. Because everything is new and stimulating to them. I remember taking kids out to a visit to the airport. It was raining and we watched the planes take off from behind a big glass window. One girl literally spent her whole time tracing the raindrops running down the window.

I split it, two days at nursery, two days with my mum and I dropped a day at work. Would that be an option?

I would definitely have full days with each rather than attempting half days. That's 3 changes in carer/transitions for your daughter in a day, this could be v stressful at her age. Could end up being tricky with naps too.

I pay £45 per day for a childminder in London (cheapest I could find). I get child tax credits of £300pcm to help pay the £225 per week bill. Have you applied for tax credits? I'm a single parent earning similar.

I wouldn't do morning/afternoon split. I'd do a couple of days at nursery.

Look into tax credits. I based my financial calculations of whether I could afford another child on the fact that half my childcare was grandparent based. I got pregnant again. I found it was twins. And then my mum (and therefore my grandparent childcare) died suddenly. All of a sudden I needed a whole lot more childcare than I had ever imagined!!

My takehome pay is less than my childcare every month, but tax credits makes it just viable.

Looking at your figures I suspect you would be eligible.

Your mum can claim her National insurance stamp for looking after your 36dd. Help top up her pension if she's needing it.

www.gov.uk/government/publications/national-insurance-credits-for-adults-who-care-for-a-child-under-12-fact-sheet/specified-adult-childcare-credits-fact-sheet

*Oops Your dd not 36dd

Hi OP, definitely look at tax credits as others have suggested . We were entitled on a fairly high household income due to childcare costs. I'd do 50/50 split tbh, until free hours kick in.

Would it be possible to compress your hours at work? I do full time over 4 days and it saves me a fortune. Otherwise nursery fees would have been just over 1k and school wrap around 50pw (we're in Merseyside) Just by dropping 1 day childcare it has saved me 2.5k a year.

I appreciate this may be trickier as a single mum, but I try to do one really long day and 3 shorter ones for pick ups, school runs.

all the mainstream research - that's not true. Depending on a parent's income level, academic ability, home environment etc in many cases, even under three, it's actually better for children to have some level of preschool provision than not. There's also (US based) research that shows children who attend what are regarded as poor quality preschools do better long term than those who don't attend preschool at all.

That is only the case if the home environment is inadequate.

You would definetly get Working tax Credits and help towards childcare etc. Dh and I earn 32k joint (before tax both work ft) and we have receive working tax credits a portion of this is for childcare but we pay the whole lot to the CM and top that up.

Could you price up a CM?

A lot of cheaper nurseries aren't much better TBH. Why don't you prep meals and drop them off and provide educational dvds so at least it isn't that bad.