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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed

101 replies

BikerBabe1 · 13/09/2017 15:02

MIL came to my house to look after 3.5 yr old twin DD & DS whilst I was at work an extra day today for training.

I got home at 2pm to discover she has washed all the pots that were left and she's tidied up. There was not a lot of pots and basically I've been working flat out as well as being unwell so I've just not had a spare minute but it makes me feel like she thinks we're scrubbers when she does that. (Btw you should see their house which is filthy!)

I'm so annoyed, firstly because she doesn't wash up well at all, there's always dirt on stuff. Secondly she has had to move some private papers to 'tidy up' and it's not tidying is it, it's basically moving things that I hadn't had chance to file away to a safe place to a new place that I don't know where they are.

AIBU to be annoyed?

OP posts:
Original poster
BikerBabe1 · 13/09/2017 17:34

It was 2 children, twins - boy and girl. I've just got back from school/club run with older 2...

Right, I don't normally use her as childcare but it was a very last minute urgent training thing that work threw at us and said we had to go to and my DH couldn't get the time off. My regular childminder is on holiday so yes I will be using a paid childminder next time.

She did the pots (very badly) and put them away in the cupboard but has weirdly mixed them up with other pots so now I basically have to wash everything in my cupboard so yes she has not only helped but made extra work for me.

My papers were in a couple of organised piles on top of the desk, in front of the computer (in the kitchen - diner) which is where I always put my papers that I have yet to file which I always do at the end of the week.

Thanks to those who say they hope their sons marry nicer women than me, your future DIL might really like your huge judge-iness of people / situations you know fuck all about but I doubt it.

I understand that SHE thinks she was helping but it's her attitude about it that I hate.

Well I'm leaving the thread now, I have a pile of washing to do!

OP posts:
TipTopTipTopClop · 13/09/2017 20:44

Thanks to those who say they hope their sons marry nicer women than me, your future DIL might really like your huge judge-iness of people / situations you know fuck all about but I doubt it.

I'm amused that you would solicit opinions, and then discard them on the basis that we know fuck all about your situation.

MuddlingThroughLife · 13/09/2017 21:00

I used to babysit my sister's twin boys a lot when they were young (23 now!). If I got bored I'd tidy the kitchen and even get the iron out. I was helping and she was always very grateful. 🎗

Devonishome1 · 13/09/2017 21:06

😴

Plaintalkin · 13/09/2017 21:12

I feel for your poor MIL . Good enough to be your childminder but everything else she does is wrong.

Get over yourself. Don't ask for free childcare if you don't like the 'price' you pay.

Amanduh · 13/09/2017 21:44

You come across as a right piece of work.
Yabu

ppeatfruit · 14/09/2017 10:14

Were the children happy? That's the most important thing to me anyway. If they were then YABU if they weren't then YANBU. The washing up is irrelevant

SilverySurfer · 14/09/2017 14:38

Ah how predictable, a flouncer Grin

MuddlingThroughLife · 15/09/2017 22:00

I'm new to this....whats a flounder please? 🎗

MuddlingThroughLife · 15/09/2017 22:00

Flouncer even! Bloody auto correct.

SilverBirchTree · 15/09/2017 22:02

You did need her help though, you asked her to babysit?

YABU.

Thank her and move on

maudeismyfavouritepony · 15/09/2017 22:15

I don't normally use her as childcare

How about you don't USE her at all? You use things, not people.

YABU, and ungrateful.

ImTakingTheEssence · 15/09/2017 22:27

Wow you sound like an ungrateful bitch. She obviously thought she was helping you and maybe your house is a shit tip and needed it, or maybe its and organised mess as you described. Either way stop using her for childcare if you think so little of her.

hippyhippyshake · 15/09/2017 22:32

This has got to be the 10th thread today with a ridiculous 'problem'. All ops with no posting history either.

user1487372252 · 16/09/2017 07:24

your huge judge-iness of people / situations you know fuck all about but I doubt it.

You do realise you asked for opinions.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 16/09/2017 07:26

your future DIL might really like your huge judge-iness of people / situations you know fuck all about but I doubt it.

You can't ask for opinions and then complain when you get them just because they don't agree with you

awifeyforlifey · 16/09/2017 07:38

YANBU. Nobody, family or not, should be going through your private papers to "tidy" anything without your permission. While offering to help out is generous, doing invented "chores" unasked in someone else's home is courting controversy. Homes are sacred spaces for many people.

Brittbugs80 · 16/09/2017 08:41

Does childcare not coming the category of running your own home? Your quick enough to accept that help off her.

I babysit and when the children I look after have gone to bed, I will do the washing up that's left in the side and tidy toys away but I know how busy my families are.

Maybe she thought you needed the help as you clearly hadn't had time to wash your own pots. And it is pretty rank if they have been there from dinner the previous night. At best they could be breakfast pots but that would still be unpleasant too.

Even if you don't have time to file your private papers, move them if they are that confidential. I highly doubt she read them, just moved them to a place to make it look tidier I'm guessing.

At the end of the day, your children were looked after, the washing up was done a s a pile of papers moved. It's not so bad.

How does it affect your OCD though? What are your OCD triggers? (Diagnosed OCD here too)

Shadow1986 · 16/09/2017 08:46

Coming from someone who has twins and never received that kind of help, you are being SOOOO ungrateful.

Gorgosparta · 16/09/2017 08:48

She did the pots (very badly) and put them away in the cupboard but has weirdly mixed them up with other pots so now I basically have to wash everything in my cupboard so yes she has not only helped but made extra work for me.

If she did a bad job, you eould be able to tell which ones werent clean.

Why ask for opinions if you dont want them? Or did you expect everyone to agree just because she is your Mil?

SilverySurfer · 16/09/2017 08:54

MuddlingThroughLife
I'm new to this....whats a flounder please?

Well, a flounder is a flat fish Grin A flouncer is someone who starts a thread, fully expecting everyone to agree with them, only for 99% to disagree. So the OP gets mad and flounces off and never post on the thread again (but I bet they are reading)

Inertia · 16/09/2017 09:04

I'd certainly have been annoyed at anyone meddling with my paperwork.

I don't think washing up is unreasonable though - presumably she washed them up with all the stuff she'd used while babysitting?

MuddlingThroughLife · 16/09/2017 09:37

Lol, thanks silverysurfer Grin 🎗

ZeroFuchsGiven · 16/09/2017 09:39

My Mil is like that op!

2 weeks ago we went out shopping as a family, when we returned pil had moved their caravan onto my drive and plugged it into my electric.
Mil let herself in, brought in and folded my washing off the line, hung out the washing from the machine and put another load on to wash.
She washed dried and put away my dishes and put the slow cooker on so we had tea when we got back and even used my wifi password.

I fucking love Her! Grin

Mittens1969 · 16/09/2017 10:30

If it was me, I'd be really embarrassed that I hadn't done it myself. Actually I'd never leave washing up from the previous evening if someone was coming to babysit and definitely not if it was my MIL.

I'd definitely not want to mention the fact that I hadn't done the washing up from the previous evening on mumsnet. Wouldn't you at least have put the washing up in to soak? They were probably very tough to clean the following morning. That's gross!

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