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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed

101 replies

BikerBabe1 · 13/09/2017 15:02

MIL came to my house to look after 3.5 yr old twin DD & DS whilst I was at work an extra day today for training.

I got home at 2pm to discover she has washed all the pots that were left and she's tidied up. There was not a lot of pots and basically I've been working flat out as well as being unwell so I've just not had a spare minute but it makes me feel like she thinks we're scrubbers when she does that. (Btw you should see their house which is filthy!)

I'm so annoyed, firstly because she doesn't wash up well at all, there's always dirt on stuff. Secondly she has had to move some private papers to 'tidy up' and it's not tidying is it, it's basically moving things that I hadn't had chance to file away to a safe place to a new place that I don't know where they are.

AIBU to be annoyed?

OP posts:

ppeatfruit · 13/09/2017 16:11

I don't think you're being unreasonable TBH I would wonder how she found the time if she was babysitting twin 3 and 1\2 yr olds. Did she just put them in front of the TV? I 'd prefer her to take them out , play with them etc. than do the washing up badly esp. moving your papers about.

tiggytape · 13/09/2017 16:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Emmageddon · 13/09/2017 16:14

You are ungrateful. Smile and say thanks, and be happy you can so easily get childcare for your twins.

TipTopTipTopClop · 13/09/2017 16:16

You sound terrible. I hope my sons marry nicer women than you.

TipTopTipTopClop · 13/09/2017 16:17

Yes. OP should leave a list of instructions next time her MIL provides free childcare for toddler twins.

steppemum · 13/09/2017 16:18

if I was babysitting all day for a relative, and had a few minutes, I would probably do some washing up.
Why not, it seems like an innocent enough thing to do for the person who has just been out all day. A nice thought, not to come home to washing up. After all we've all been there, busy, had to dash out of the door etc.

user1479335914 · 13/09/2017 16:20

To be fair to OP, there is a fine line between 'helping' and interfering, the interpretation depending on the kind of relationship you have with the 'helper'.
I would not ever move someone else's papers in their home, and would be miffed if anyone did it to mine. Someone's private paperwork has not got anything to do with anyone else. There would always be the feeling that may have looked through it. Its like someone's diary or handbag - you just do not go there. NBU about the papers at all.

Blossomdeary · 13/09/2017 16:23

Sounds as though she is a kind and thoughtful lady, both to take on the care of two such small children for you and to try and lend a hand in the house. I think you are being very ungrateful.

SilverySurfer · 13/09/2017 16:27

YABU. What a bitch your MIL is to do the dishes. LTB.

It seems you don't get on with your in-laws but that doesn't stop you using them for childcare

TipTopTipTopClop · 13/09/2017 16:28

Sounds as though she is a kind and thoughtful lady, both to take on the care of two such small children

Good grief, I just re-read the OP, it's THREE children.

OP are you coming back?

steppemum · 13/09/2017 16:29

I haven't seen if Op said it, but surely the private paperwork thing depends on where it is?

I leave paperwork on the dining room table, and sometimes on the kitchen chair.
If my MIL was using the kitchen, she might move the stuff on the chair. My kids use the dining room table for craft and drawing etc, and she might move them all in order to use the table.
So, to me, it depends where the paperwork is. Maybe she just wanted to wipe all the worksurfaces down, which I do once I have finished cooking etc.

NoFucksImAQueen · 13/09/2017 16:30

You are so unreasonable I can't believe you don't see it. Next time pay for childcare

BewareOfDragons · 13/09/2017 16:31

I also hope my boys marry nicer women then you when they're grown up.

ChasedByBees · 13/09/2017 16:31

She was trying to help and be kind and you're just looking for reasons to be annoyed.

crumpledwand · 13/09/2017 16:34

You're being unreasonable. She was trying to be helpful. My Mil is the kind of person to do this if she knew I had been unwell. total gem she is.

Rachie1973 · 13/09/2017 16:34

I do it for my son and DIL if I'm there. I don't ask, I just do. They both work and both say 'thanks Mum'. That said, my DIL would do the same here if I had to work and the kitchen was untidy. She'd actually also cook tea once she'd done it. I love her lol.

As for the papers..... well yes, it's your house but you knew someone would be coming to look after your kids. Just put them away somewhere.

No biggie. You sound very spiteful to be around.

guilty100 · 13/09/2017 16:35

This is a tricky one. I understand your feelings about your MIL tidying your house - mine used to do the same and it felt both judgemental and completely practically useless because, as you say, the jobs were done badly. I believe it was well-intentioned, but it felt like being bossed around in my own home (MIL is very bossy).

However, I think if someone is in your house doing childcare, then that's a bit different. They are kind of in that informal domestic space, which is a bit different from being on a more formal visit. (By "formal" I don't mean like a state visit from the Queen, but just a visit in which there are some boundaries). I think if you ask for free help, you are kind of inviting this in I'm afraid.

Bonez · 13/09/2017 16:38

it's not just 'someone's home' though. It's her son and his partner's home and she thought she was being helpful.

cupoftea12 · 13/09/2017 16:39

YANBU my grandma used to do this and drive my mum up the wall. It's an invasion of privacy it isn't her business whether or not the pots or washed, and it's not up to her to tidy up. If the relationship is strained it can also come across as passive aggressive.

Mittens1969 · 13/09/2017 16:39

It wouldn't bother me, but I'd be a bit embarrassed that I hadn't done it myself. I definitely wouldn't moan about it on mumsnet though.

Womble75 · 13/09/2017 16:40

My mum washes up for me when she pops over. I never ask her to nor do I expect it but I'm eternally grateful she does as it's one less thing for me to do. It's never much probably a few coffee cups and some baby bottles but I love her for helping.
If it was your mum not your MIL would you be as pissed?

thebear1 · 13/09/2017 17:15

It is threads like this that make we dread becoming a mil. Yabu she was trying to help.

Gorgosparta · 13/09/2017 17:24

Jesus wept.

You dont like her. Washing up is interfering....but asking fot a favour like babysitting is fine.

So what if you have to wash up again as it isnt to your standard. You wanted her to leave them so you could do them. You are still doing them. Its not caused you anymore work.

innagazing · 13/09/2017 17:29

You are being totally unreasonable and very ungrateful!

Your MIL gave up a good part of her day to do you a big favour and look after your children. She probably thought she was helping by washing up. She'd be a very unusual woman to do the washing up just to wind you up

You should be buying her a very large bunch of flowers, not complaining on here about her.
You sound very hard work. Maybe you should make more effort with your relationship with her

CleopatraCatLover · 13/09/2017 17:29

Wtf! Yabvu, what a complete cow, looking after your twins and washing up

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