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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed

101 replies

BikerBabe1 · 13/09/2017 15:02

MIL came to my house to look after 3.5 yr old twin DD & DS whilst I was at work an extra day today for training.

I got home at 2pm to discover she has washed all the pots that were left and she's tidied up. There was not a lot of pots and basically I've been working flat out as well as being unwell so I've just not had a spare minute but it makes me feel like she thinks we're scrubbers when she does that. (Btw you should see their house which is filthy!)

I'm so annoyed, firstly because she doesn't wash up well at all, there's always dirt on stuff. Secondly she has had to move some private papers to 'tidy up' and it's not tidying is it, it's basically moving things that I hadn't had chance to file away to a safe place to a new place that I don't know where they are.

AIBU to be annoyed?

OP posts:
Ttbb · 13/09/2017 15:29

YABU about the pots (you were going to wash them anyway now you can just reqash them). YANBU about the papers. If you go into someone else's house you should assume that things are left in certain place for a reason.

Coastalcommand · 13/09/2017 15:32

She was doing you a favour by looking after your kids, and then also helped with the mess you'd left her to sit in all day! YABU!

Whitecurrants · 13/09/2017 15:32

Next time pay for a babysitter. No worries about her interfering then

^this

AlternativeTentacle · 13/09/2017 15:35

Maybe it's a touch of my OCD, maybe it's the fact I don't get along with my in laws

If this is a diagnosed condition, then you need to explain to her about your 'OCD' and the other symptoms that manifest themselves when people mess with your stuff.

Celticlassie · 13/09/2017 15:36

It sounds like she was being helpful. Why else would she wash pots? You'd be better not using her as childcare if you dislike her being in your house.

I'd love it if my MIL could come and do my dishes

sayshellsunderwaterblblblb · 13/09/2017 15:36

Say thank you and ask her politely not to tidy/move papers in future. Ignore the pots - you can wash those afterwards. Try to identify tasks you can set her to in case she experiences an urge to clean/tidy/arrange/help around the house, excluding things you don't want her to do. She probably means well.

PerspicaciaTick · 13/09/2017 15:37

I would wash pots if I was in someone's house for a while, especially if I was doing childcare and preparing food for the children.
I wouldn't touch paperwork unless it was likely to be damaged e.g. if I was doing a craft activity with the children.

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 13/09/2017 15:39

If you've actually got OCD, then I get it more. My little sister has OCD, and has had a horrendous time with it. It's worth speaking to her in that event, and just saying how it upsets you, given the fact you have OCD

unless you're just saying you're 'a bit OCD' in which case AGH

RB68 · 13/09/2017 15:40

Fundamentally she was trying to help rather than being deliberately annoying - get yourself a box for papers that need sorting and filing hide them in it, re wash the pots that you would have had to do anyway. Don't sweat the small stuff

diddl · 13/09/2017 15:41

I would be annoyed about the papers as if you can't find the then that has caused work.

The washing up-not so much as if some needs redoing that's similar to it all still needing doing iyswim.

whoputthecatout · 13/09/2017 15:42

You're lucky to have someone to babysit.

Send your ma in law over to mine. She can wash my pots anytime.

Heartofglass12345 · 13/09/2017 15:44

No, i get where youre coming from. We went away once and my parents in law fed our cats, which we appreciated. Then i discovered she had put clothes away which meant she had been in our room, the door was shut for a reason! Another time they babysat for a few hours and when we got back she had put the dishes away and washed and dried more but with the hand towel 😱 She tidies whenever she comes here, all i want her to do is spend time with her grandchildren to be honest. I dont work so tidy at my leisure when my oldest is in school and youngest is asleep lol

JediStoleMyBike · 13/09/2017 15:46

I wish I had the luxury of help / babysitting.

So - you hadn't washed the pots. If she hadn't washed the pots you'd have to wash them. If you have to redo them you still have to wash them. You are in no worse a position surely?

BabsGanoush · 13/09/2017 15:46

One day your son and his wife may ask you to babysit.....

carefreeeee · 13/09/2017 15:46

If your papers are that private don't leave them lying about. If the pots need doing again you are no worse off really anyway.

If you accept the childcare you can't complain about the other things. If you invited her round for dinner and she did that it would be different.

PoorYorick · 13/09/2017 15:48

I do people's washing up because I love it when they do mine.

If I were asked not to, I wouldn't.

letsdolunch321 · 13/09/2017 15:50

I oreviously spent so much negative energy stressing over my ex MIL, happily in a better place now.

Even though ypu have to wash up the pots again to your liking be grateful.

EdmundCleverClogs · 13/09/2017 15:52

If your papers are that private don't leave them lying about

In one's own home? They weren't 'lying around', it doesn't read like they were in the way of anything. There was no reason to move them, I'm sure.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 13/09/2017 15:52

Any way she thought she was doing you an extra favour, not passing judgment?
Her way of saying,
"Sorry you have been unwell DIL let me do this so you don't have to when you get in" - even if the quality of her washing up leaves something to be desired.

But shuffling paperwork is not so helpful (though I assume you would not have anything private eg bank statements lying out in the open).

Mitzimaybe · 13/09/2017 15:55

I feel your pain and I think YANBU. A friend offered to feed our cats in an emergency. I got home to find she had "cleaned and tidied" the kitchen to "do me a favour". Admittedly it was a mess. But she had thrown out a lot of things that weren't rubbish, including my jar of fermenting kefir as well as lots of other stuff. I had to go through the bin and retrieve stuff but couldn't find the kefir. I did, however, find a smashed bowl which she hadn't mentioned. When I said I was upset about it, she got huffy with me. It has taken me ages to find some of the things she "tidied away" because she put them wherever she fancied, not where they live.

PurpleMinionMummy · 13/09/2017 16:01

My mum washes up if she babysits and there's pots. And she comes for free. I don't understand why anyone wouldn't like a babysitter who washes up!

Alicecooperslovechild · 13/09/2017 16:03

Sorry, I think that you are BU. If the kids were napping/playing quietly she probably just wanted something to do and thought that she'd help out a bit. It's not as though she had her own stuff with her and could get on with that.

If it's not to your standard, do it again. If you don't want her to do it, say something like "I noticed that you'd washed up, thanks so much for that, it was a hectic morning and we hadn't got around to it. Please don't think that we left it there for you to do though, we're grateful enough that you look after the children and certainly don't expect you to do more, please just leave it if there is any washing up in future." - don't expect it to work though - I couldn't look at a pile of dirty dishes all day. I'd probably assume that the cheeky sods that I was baby sitting for had left them in the hope that I'd sort it.

Myhomeismycastle · 13/09/2017 16:04

If MIL followed this up with 'I washed your pots & tidied your papers away because the place is a shithole' of course YANBU, but she didn't did she? She was trying to help Confused

Bloody hell, I would be grateful of the help, even if I had to retrieve my paperwork.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 13/09/2017 16:08

Babysitting twins all day AND doing your washing up, how very dare she!

God, I'm SO glad I only have dds. Mils can't do anything right for DiLs, at least not on MN.

livefornaps · 13/09/2017 16:08

"She can wash my pots anytime" sounds like a smash 80s hit.

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