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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be a little bit frustrated at having given this away for free?

114 replies

Sangriasally86 · 12/09/2017 20:16

I think IABU but have to get it off my chest nonetheless...!

So basically I had a top of the range iPad Pro that I paid a lot of money for about 2 years ago (cost around £900). I've just had a baby and money is a bit tight, so MIL said she would buy my iPad Pro from me (she wanted one with more storage and a bigger screen anyway) and I would then buy a cheaper standard iPad with that money and would end up with about £200 in my pocket. MIL didn't have the cash at the time, so I said just pay me whenever she can, and in the meantime I went out and bought my cheaper iPad knowing that eventually MIL would pay me back the money for the iPad Pro.

Here's where it gets a bit tricky...MIL then suddenly passed away, which has been awful for everyone but particularly FIL and DH. I haven't mentioned anything about the iPad Pro even though I know it's only sitting on a shelf at FIL's house doing nothing ( I was going to leave it a couple of months and then see if I could have it back). Anyway, FIL has turned up at our house this evening with iPad Pro and said he wants to be able to read the magazines on it (I let MIL have access to my magazine subscription app). He obviously doesn't know that MIL hadn't yet given me the money for it, and if he did know he wouldn't want it because he's a bit tight and wouldnt want to pay what the iPad is worth (to be clear, I'd get about £550-£600 on eBay for it). I know DH wants FIL to have the iPad as it will give him something to do, and although I haven't mentioned the money to DH I think he'd want us to just give the iPad to FIL and forget about the money.

Do I just let this go? £500 is a lot of money at the moment to me, and it's painful for me to see FIL with my old iPad that I absolutely loved (and made a big dent in my credit card!) when he 1) doesn't know how valuable it actually is, and 2) that it's effectively just been given to him. Do I mention this to DH, even though I think I know what the answer will be? Feel like I'm being a heartless bitch by thinking about the money when he lost his wife and DH lost his mum only a month ago, but I hate the idea that I've just given something away that cost a lot of money. WWYD?

OP posts:

Perfectly1mperfect · 12/09/2017 22:09

I would leave it for another couple of months and then ask your husband to explain to his dad what happened.

I know my FIL wouldn't want us to be out of pocket in these circumstances. It's very sad that your MIL died but that doesn't mean you should lose your iPad or money. I think timing is the key though.

To all those saying suck it up as he has just lost his wife, he will at some point get a new kind of normal back and the OP and her husband will be important in that process. x

RaincloudOfDoom · 12/09/2017 23:52

Swap the iPads over, he doesn't need an iPad Pro to read the newspapers. Yes your MIL died a month ago. I know this sounds callous, but life goes on for the living. When you next go to see him, briefly explain the situation and ask if he would like the newer one instead. It shouldn't be a major issue, he only wants to read papers on it.

Obviouspretzel · 13/09/2017 06:36

The most ridiculous thing is that money is tight yet you still went and spent 200 without getting the money you were owed in the first place? Can't be that tight!

andbabymakesthree · 13/09/2017 06:47

Money isn't tight if you can afford a new iPad without receiving selling money first!

HeteronormativeHaybales · 13/09/2017 06:58

I'd do what AdalindSchade and KarateKitten suggest. It's sensitive and makes sure FIL gets what he needs without leaving the OP out of pocket. I think people are being quite harsh here. It's a lot of money in almost anyone's book, or should be. There would be ways of broaching this that are sensitive to the family's loss.

But all your talk about you (singular) being skint on mat leave is rather worrying. Do you not talk to your dh at all about your financial situation?

Cailleach666 · 13/09/2017 07:03

Why do you need an ipad if money is tight?

Threenme · 13/09/2017 09:11

I'm aghast that a woman has died an, immediate family member and ppl are banging on about an iPad. Imagine if the post had been dm has died and dh is moaning about df having our old iPad! LTB in every response without a doubt!!!

Daisiesbox · 13/09/2017 09:39

'andbabymakesthree

Money isn't tight if you can afford a new iPad without receiving selling money first!'

Thanks andbabymakesthree.

I was beginning to think I was in an alternative universe. Money being tight here means worrying I will have enough to pay bills and feed the kids!

teaortequila23 · 13/09/2017 10:00

Let him use it then in a few months just lightly mention that you didn't get paid for it and then ask to swap him for free. I personally would just shut up and leave it be but if it really bothers you just ask for a swap I doubt he knows the difference between the two models

andbabymakesthree · 13/09/2017 10:24

I never forget when a friend of mine said x says she's skint then goes on to tell me she's booked a skiing holiday. Skint to me if deciding whether to do beans on toast or just toast for kids tea.

I've never forgotten this defination although friend who said it has. Her idea is somewhat different now she's further down her career progression

youhavetobekidding · 13/09/2017 10:33

Could you not swap the iPads over? Tell him that your new one is better for what he needs it for and has better apps on it?

I think this would be OK

KarateKitten · 13/09/2017 15:11

Threen if this had happened in reverse I would have said to my dad 'actually that iPad Pro is DHs but let us get you something similar to use' or even been completely honest that mum had planned to give DH £500 for it but no need to as long as he gets it back. I wouldn't want my DH to be that much out of pocket when he's on paternity leave! And it's my dad, I could speak openly to him. I doubt the iPad issue would be the thing to push him into a pit of despair!

So I think the OPs DH is a bit off for not sorting this out simply for her. It's got nothing to do with how much anyone is grieving.

Threenme · 13/09/2017 17:28

I don't want to go on because op has said she realises it was selfish so it all becomes a bit irrelevant but the bit I honestly don't get is that someone can mourn the loss of an iPad when her mil is dead. Even if you weren't keen on her you'd be concerned for dh and dc who have lost granny not a bloody gadget! Adding to the op is far from skint! Skint is making (or not) making ends meet, not roughing it with a £200 iPad while you Happily WAIT for payment for the old one! Think it's safe to say op won't be at the food bank any time soon!

Threenme · 13/09/2017 17:30

Karate as for saying dh is off for not sorting it- a: he doesn't know b: HIS MUM'S BEEN DEAD A MONTH!!! I DOUBT HE'D GIVE A SHIT ABOUT AN IPAD!!! What is wrong with ppl!

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