to be a little bit frustrated at having given this away for free?

[Sangriasally86]

I think IABU but have to get it off my chest nonetheless...!

So basically I had a top of the range iPad Pro that I paid a lot of money for about 2 years ago (cost around £900). I've just had a baby and money is a bit tight, so MIL said she would buy my iPad Pro from me (she wanted one with more storage and a bigger screen anyway) and I would then buy a cheaper standard iPad with that money and would end up with about £200 in my pocket. MIL didn't have the cash at the time, so I said just pay me whenever she can, and in the meantime I went out and bought my cheaper iPad knowing that eventually MIL would pay me back the money for the iPad Pro.

Here's where it gets a bit tricky...MIL then suddenly passed away, which has been awful for everyone but particularly FIL and DH. I haven't mentioned anything about the iPad Pro even though I know it's only sitting on a shelf at FIL's house doing nothing ( I was going to leave it a couple of months and then see if I could have it back). Anyway, FIL has turned up at our house this evening with iPad Pro and said he wants to be able to read the magazines on it (I let MIL have access to my magazine subscription app). He obviously doesn't know that MIL hadn't yet given me the money for it, and if he did know he wouldn't want it because he's a bit tight and wouldnt want to pay what the iPad is worth (to be clear, I'd get about £550-£600 on eBay for it). I know DH wants FIL to have the iPad as it will give him something to do, and although I haven't mentioned the money to DH I think he'd want us to just give the iPad to FIL and forget about the money.

Do I just let this go? £500 is a lot of money at the moment to me, and it's painful for me to see FIL with my old iPad that I absolutely loved (and made a big dent in my credit card!) when he 1) doesn't know how valuable it actually is, and 2) that it's effectively just been given to him. Do I mention this to DH, even though I think I know what the answer will be? Feel like I'm being a heartless bitch by thinking about the money when he lost his wife and DH lost his mum only a month ago, but I hate the idea that I've just given something away that cost a lot of money. WWYD?

Bit soon really op.
Although if you're feeling brave mention it to your dh. About a swap maybe.

How would your DH feel if he knew the only reason you're mourning the death of his mother is that she owed you money?? For the love of God never tell anybody about the iPad that you "loved so much" yet willingly passed on.

They're think there's something missing in you.

I get it but what worries me is your DH is not aware how tight money is at the moment, do you have debt why didn't you tell him what you were doing at the time? Or are you one of these strange couples who think it's okay for a new mother to live in poverty and try and pay for the expense of a baby whilst Dad carries on as though nothing has happened.

Practically though I would offer to swap them over as the new one you have will do what he wants as well.

Ok, fair enough. I felt I probably was BU but wanted to put it out there. Think it's just the postnatal hormones making me irritable and unreasonable. I'll let it go.

Let it go and speak to your husband if you are short of money.

It's a tricky one and no, you aren't a heartless bitch. FIL clearly doesn't know the value and only wants to use it for casual browsing so doesn't actually need such an expensive piece of kit.

Ask dh to have a quiet word explaining the situation and offer him the new iPad you bought or even explain that simply giving it away isn't really possible for you at the moment. He's bereavemed but most people would be mortified to know they'd put you in this position.

Just needs to be addressed delicately. If you don't you could easily hear from him next month that he's Sold it on eBay.

If the family are short £500, that's going to impact on OP's DC, isn't it? Surely the MIL wouldn't have wanted that to happen? Does the gap in finances just go away magically?

You could ask for a deed of variation to the will. Or you could wind your neck in. Depends if you want a functioning relationship with your FIL and DH, or value cold hard cash over that.

Leave it. Totally heartless to do anything else

I disagree. I think your husband should buy him an Amazon Fire and tell him the other needs to be sold as it's too expensive.

Fuck me, you're heartless.

I hate it when women blame shitty behaviour on hormones!

Ok thanks for all comments. Have realised now how inappropriate it would be to mention the money.

I get your point OP. Having been absolutely skint on maternity leave I know I was selling things for 50p at one stage and feeling grateful for that small change.

That said, in your situation what you say and do at this time is crucial for future relationships. I don't think you mean to sound heartless as some people are implying, but you do need to accept that the money and I pad need to be forgotten.

If you're skint try and do some surveys as that's a good way to get money while baby sleeps.

I'm going to go against the grain and say I think you should mention it to your DH. I'm surprised you haven't already? Wouldn't it have been normal for you to tell him 'your mum is having my Ipad Pro and I'm buying another'? Also, strange your MIL didn't mention the same to her DH - i.e. Sangria is selling me her Ipad.

I'd tell your DH and leave it in his hands. If you don't combine your money, as it sounds you don't, perhaps he'll broach it with his dad in time or give you the money for it. But I'd tell him anyway in a non-demanding way, just so he knows. What if your FIL decides he doesn't want it, doesn't know it's value and passes it on to his mate for £50 or to one of your DH's siblings if any? How you going to feel then?

You can do it in a way that doesn't make you seem terrible I think.

Blimey! The guy just lost his wife, let him have the bloody iPad. Or swap it with the cheaper one.

Fair play for being honest OP, these things can be tricky.
You will still get loads of people who won't read your update, don't take it to heart, you asked and accepted the answers in good grace.

You could buy another iPad before you got the money, are you really so broke?

People saying mention it to the husband? If my wife mentioned something like this to me after my mother died I would probably never look at her the same way again.

Honestly, a lot of people on mumsnet are rich enough that they can just swallow this sort of loss. I'm not.

If you're not OP, then I suggest you ignore these well meaning but privileged posters, and explain that the iPad is in fact yours (which it is, as you weren't paid for it), and maybe if you can afford it offer fil a cheaper one.

Swap it.

If money really is that tight, talk to your Father in Law about having a cheaper device for looking at magazines, sell the IPadPro on Ebay and split the difference.

If the family are short £500, that's going to impact on OP's DC, isn't it?

OP is £200 short, not £500. She sold it at £200. It became a debt at that point, not an iPad. What it's worth doesn't really matter.

I understand where you're coming from but I don't think there's anything that you can do in this situation.

Perhaps leave it for 6 months or so and then suggest a swap, but please don't do anything now

Why do you need an ipad at all if money is so tight? Lots of cheaper android tablets around. Also tablet is a luxury item. Why does your dh know how much you are struggling? Don't mention the ipad for now but do have a conversation about finances with dh.

How is everyone rich enough to just forget about £500?

Its no different to if OP had lent it to MIL. She would need it back if MIL died.

I would explain the situation gently. Maybe offer to buy him a cheaper tablet. He obviously has no need for such a high tech piece of kit.