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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a little bit frustrated at having given this away for free?

114 replies

Sangriasally86 · 12/09/2017 20:16

I think IABU but have to get it off my chest nonetheless...!

So basically I had a top of the range iPad Pro that I paid a lot of money for about 2 years ago (cost around £900). I've just had a baby and money is a bit tight, so MIL said she would buy my iPad Pro from me (she wanted one with more storage and a bigger screen anyway) and I would then buy a cheaper standard iPad with that money and would end up with about £200 in my pocket. MIL didn't have the cash at the time, so I said just pay me whenever she can, and in the meantime I went out and bought my cheaper iPad knowing that eventually MIL would pay me back the money for the iPad Pro.

Here's where it gets a bit tricky...MIL then suddenly passed away, which has been awful for everyone but particularly FIL and DH. I haven't mentioned anything about the iPad Pro even though I know it's only sitting on a shelf at FIL's house doing nothing ( I was going to leave it a couple of months and then see if I could have it back). Anyway, FIL has turned up at our house this evening with iPad Pro and said he wants to be able to read the magazines on it (I let MIL have access to my magazine subscription app). He obviously doesn't know that MIL hadn't yet given me the money for it, and if he did know he wouldn't want it because he's a bit tight and wouldnt want to pay what the iPad is worth (to be clear, I'd get about £550-£600 on eBay for it). I know DH wants FIL to have the iPad as it will give him something to do, and although I haven't mentioned the money to DH I think he'd want us to just give the iPad to FIL and forget about the money.

Do I just let this go? £500 is a lot of money at the moment to me, and it's painful for me to see FIL with my old iPad that I absolutely loved (and made a big dent in my credit card!) when he 1) doesn't know how valuable it actually is, and 2) that it's effectively just been given to him. Do I mention this to DH, even though I think I know what the answer will be? Feel like I'm being a heartless bitch by thinking about the money when he lost his wife and DH lost his mum only a month ago, but I hate the idea that I've just given something away that cost a lot of money. WWYD?

OP posts:
Daisiesbox · 12/09/2017 20:49

If you are short of income then why did you pay £200 for a new iPad before getting the money for the old one. Unless you desperately needed one for work then I don't understand why you couldn't just wait to get the new one until your mil had given you the money for the old one. That's ridiculous when money is tight. Yes you would still be down the original but not a new one too.

Being basically £800 down on iPads while money is tight is bonkers but you can't ask for it back.

BeepBeepMOVE · 12/09/2017 20:50

Shapely

No, you are misreading.

She said she would end up with £200 in her pocket after buying the new one. So if she sold it for £500 and new one is £300 she would have £200 left for spends.

HeebieJeebies456 · 12/09/2017 20:51

just say of course he can keep it - so long as he keeps up the repayment plan that mil had with you.
Or....say you lent it to mil and now need it back?

He can't feign ignorance then. Or tell your husband and let him pay you back out of his own money - or any inheritance he is getting.

GodIsDead · 12/09/2017 20:52

Wow...just wow. 😧

WeAllHaveWings · 12/09/2017 20:52

Wow op you really need to read your post and how self centred you sound

it's painful for me to see FIL with my old iPad that I absolutely loved

That's ok then, it's not like anyone else has lost someone they loved. Your fil has just lost his wife, your dh has just lost his mum, do you have no empathy? So sorry for your loss Hmm

Troubleshootingforever · 12/09/2017 20:54

Beep beep.... OP is £200 down.

£200 is a very small amount to pay for her FIL to pass the time reading magazines while coming to terms with the sudden loss of his wife.

YouCantArgueWithStupid · 12/09/2017 20:54

I really really dislike my MIL & FIL, I'd just swallow it as a loss!

HeebieJeebies456 · 12/09/2017 20:54

Or take it off him to 'reset/customize' the settings for him and then refuse to return it?
Or say it broke?

I'd go with the first asking for it back as you need it and it was only ever a 'on loan' to mil.
If he says he's aware she was buying it off you them you can remind him it's not been paid for yet.....

Longtime · 12/09/2017 20:55

I agree with MatildaTheCat. My df passed away in January and if this had happened to my dm she would have been absolutely mortified to think my db or I were out of pocket for an amount that made things difficult for us. I think you should mention it to dh and see what he says.

LilQueenie · 12/09/2017 20:55

it's painful for me to see FIL with my old iPad that I absolutely loved Biscuit

The man has lost his wife. If you are not careful you may lose your DH too.

EamonnWright · 12/09/2017 20:56

BeepBeepMOVE

How is everyone rich enough to just forget about £500?

Its no different to if OP had lent it to MIL. She would need it back if MIL died.

I'm certainly not rich but I can't see any way she can bring this up without looking really really shit.

Threenme · 12/09/2017 21:00

it's painful for me to see FIL with my old iPad that I absolutely loved

I know you've said you see your selfish and I'm glad because this is obscene, if you say anything like this to your dh I'm sure he'll be gone along with your previous ipad.

awifeyforlifey · 12/09/2017 21:00

Not everyone's finances are the same, OP, so do what's right for your family. Talk to your DH and the two of you can decide together. Nothing wrong with DH explaining gently, if need be, that it was a loan that MIL had thought to buy.

Threenme · 12/09/2017 21:01

I've also seen some things blamed on hormones but this is a stretch for anyone to pass off as that.

Imabanana · 12/09/2017 21:03

You do have to forget it and write it off op, for the sake of your marriage. Your dh will never forget if you talk about money when he is grieving.
However I do think you're getting a hard time here. It's obviously a significant amount of money to you and you're bound to think about it. Better at least you said it here and not to your dh, so mumsnet doing its job.

AngelaKardashian · 12/09/2017 21:06

The OP has accept she was BU.

AngelaKardashian · 12/09/2017 21:06

That should read "acceptED", of course...

Longtime · 12/09/2017 21:08

How is OP only £200 down? Have I misread this? OP was going to sell the iPad to dmil for £500. She bought a cheaper one for £300 in the anticipation of getting the £500 from dmil which would cover the cost of the new iPad plus give her £200 in cash. At the moment, without the £500 from dmil, she is not £200 up as she expected, she is £300 down from having purchased the new iPad. Hence she is £500 down from what she expected to be, ie the money she expected to get from dmil for the iPad.

Don't get me wrong, I totally understand the sympathy towards OP's dfil. I am still devastated by the loss of my df but my dm has only just found out how much it has cost me over the past 21 months to travel backwards and forwards to the uk, often at a moment's notice, and she is mortified that she didn't know.

fruitlovingmonkey · 12/09/2017 21:09

Swap it for the cheaper one.
Tell your DH about the money.

Louiselouie0890 · 12/09/2017 21:10

Id say offer him your cheaper one for free if he can't afford the more expensive one. Win win

Longtime · 12/09/2017 21:10

Though I do think the "painful to see dfil with an iPad that I loved" is insensitive and selfish.

MadisonMontgomery · 12/09/2017 21:12

Can you not just say to him that you lent it to MIL and ask if he wants it to buy it off you? I can't imagine that would upset him.

LoyaltyAndLobster · 12/09/2017 21:14

Could you not swap the iPads over? Tell him that your new one is better for what he needs it for and has better apps on it?

^^ exactly this!

ToffeeSauce · 12/09/2017 21:20

Can't you just say you lent it to your MIL and now you'd like it back?

bimbobaggins · 12/09/2017 21:20

Rather than thinking about the money lost just ask your film for it back and sell it on.
Although I have to question how short of money you are, not only did you let the merchandise go before getting the payment for it you were also able to buy a new one before you had even been paid for the sale.
If you are not that desperate for money as it would seem then just let it go and in future insist in cash upfront