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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a little bit frustrated at having given this away for free?

114 replies

Sangriasally86 · 12/09/2017 20:16

I think IABU but have to get it off my chest nonetheless...!

So basically I had a top of the range iPad Pro that I paid a lot of money for about 2 years ago (cost around £900). I've just had a baby and money is a bit tight, so MIL said she would buy my iPad Pro from me (she wanted one with more storage and a bigger screen anyway) and I would then buy a cheaper standard iPad with that money and would end up with about £200 in my pocket. MIL didn't have the cash at the time, so I said just pay me whenever she can, and in the meantime I went out and bought my cheaper iPad knowing that eventually MIL would pay me back the money for the iPad Pro.

Here's where it gets a bit tricky...MIL then suddenly passed away, which has been awful for everyone but particularly FIL and DH. I haven't mentioned anything about the iPad Pro even though I know it's only sitting on a shelf at FIL's house doing nothing ( I was going to leave it a couple of months and then see if I could have it back). Anyway, FIL has turned up at our house this evening with iPad Pro and said he wants to be able to read the magazines on it (I let MIL have access to my magazine subscription app). He obviously doesn't know that MIL hadn't yet given me the money for it, and if he did know he wouldn't want it because he's a bit tight and wouldnt want to pay what the iPad is worth (to be clear, I'd get about £550-£600 on eBay for it). I know DH wants FIL to have the iPad as it will give him something to do, and although I haven't mentioned the money to DH I think he'd want us to just give the iPad to FIL and forget about the money.

Do I just let this go? £500 is a lot of money at the moment to me, and it's painful for me to see FIL with my old iPad that I absolutely loved (and made a big dent in my credit card!) when he 1) doesn't know how valuable it actually is, and 2) that it's effectively just been given to him. Do I mention this to DH, even though I think I know what the answer will be? Feel like I'm being a heartless bitch by thinking about the money when he lost his wife and DH lost his mum only a month ago, but I hate the idea that I've just given something away that cost a lot of money. WWYD?

OP posts:
Mittens1969 · 12/09/2017 21:23

It doesn't really seem to be just about the money, the op spent an extra £200 on a tablet so she can't have been that skint. She says it's painful to see her FIL with her old iPad. I actually couldn't believe I read that tbh.

I can't really imagine it could be too much of an issue to suggest swapping with him though. As has been said, he won't have a clue how much it's worth.

You need to tread very carefully though, OP. I remember what it was like when my FIL died, emotions are running high at times like this.

ShapelyBingoWing · 12/09/2017 21:23

BeepBeepMOVE - thank you, after having read through again more slowly, I can see you're right!

OP - how much exactly were you expecting from MIL?

ShellyBoobs · 12/09/2017 21:27

YANBU.

There's no easy way to resolve this but I completely understand your predicament.

hidinginthenightgarden · 12/09/2017 21:29

It does read badly yes but I can see why you are thinking it. Swap them. He won't know any different but you will look like an absolute bitch for even mentioning it.

PolaDeVeboise · 12/09/2017 21:35

'Painful' watching someone use an I-PAD, really? You sound unhinged.

ByseddSosij · 12/09/2017 21:39

I'm sure it was far more painful for your FIL to lose his wife Hmm

GabsAlot · 12/09/2017 21:40

askyour dh if h can swap thm

but pleaese let it go if he doesnt want to

i didnt even know what i was doing for months aftr my dm died

GorgeousLadyOfWrangling · 12/09/2017 21:41

Oh God I've been there...again with a new baby and on unpaid maternity leave. In my case we had to write off a 4k loan and pay for the funeral (stepfather-in-law later changed his will so only his son would inherit, same son who lent them bugger all and was estranged for years). Writing it off is the right thing to do. I get it, we were struggling ourselves but your partner's mum just died and you need to get FIL through this. That's what's important which you clearly know from your latest posts. If your DH is not supporting/sharing finances whilst you are SAHM though is another issue entirely.

LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 12/09/2017 21:42

And also you fucked up by saying pay me when you can...that to me sounds like you weren't as desperate for the money as you make out?..

picklemepopcorn · 12/09/2017 21:42

Tell your DH you only did it because you were desperate for money, that Fil would be perfectly happy with the simpler one and has no idea how much it cost. Ask him to swap it back. Ho estly, it shouldn't be a big deal.

WildImaginings · 12/09/2017 21:44

Jesus fucking wept.

Dreams16 · 12/09/2017 21:46

Have a word with your DH could you just say MIL had only borrowed it and it belongs to you still and that you'd planned on selling it?? Other than that offer the other iPad

WildImaginings · 12/09/2017 21:47

Oh and for what it's worth, until I started my new job a couple of months ago I'd been earning minimum wage for the past year.

I've been more skint that I've ever been in my life, and I still wouldn't have even entertained the idea of asking for the money back.

OP, I'm glad you have taken advice on board and decided not to say anything. Please help him with the magazines.

Beek84 · 12/09/2017 21:49

YABU.
And you've realised that, which is good. But seriously...your original post is just - well - it makes you sound horrid to be honest. Have a word with yourself.

AdalindSchade · 12/09/2017 21:50

Why are you so skint - does your dh not work?

AdalindSchade · 12/09/2017 21:51

Sorry to answer your point no you shouldn't let £500 of iPad go for nothing but if I were you I would buy fil a £100 tablet and take it to him, explaining that the iPad is a few years old and needs to be upgraded (sort of true) and you bought him this new one for reading the paper.

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 12/09/2017 21:52

Surely this isn't real? Surely nobody is that mercenary? Shock

AtHomeDadGlos · 12/09/2017 21:53

'Sorry about your dead wife...but she's owed me £500'.

'Ok, here you go' - changes will and cuts you out of 1000s down the line

just5morepeas · 12/09/2017 21:56

Feel like I'm being a heartless bitch by thinking about the money when he lost his wife and DH lost his mum only a month ago

Um, I think you already know what the right thing to do is. Is this seriously an issue you are having trouble with?!

Civilsoot · 12/09/2017 21:58

Can you get a cheap tablet and then nicely tell your FIL that you leant the ipad to you MIL and you need it back for work. Give FIL cheap tablet and then eBay the expensive one to recoup some costs?

I think if you handled it really really sensitively you could get the ipad back to resell but DO NOT ask FIL for the money.

KarateKitten · 12/09/2017 21:59

Could you pick him up a cheap tablet for reading magazines etc on and exchange the iPad for it. Then sell iPad on ebay. Just tell him that you'd like it back if he's ok with a new tablet suitable for reading magazines etc on. It doesn't have to be a big deal.

'FIL, would you mind terribly if I got you a tablet so I could have my iPad Pro back? I'll set it up for you to have your newspapers and magazines etc. for you. Would that be ok with you?'.

KarateKitten · 12/09/2017 22:00

Cross post with Civil.

The reality is that FIL probably won't care or give it a second thought!

Bluntness100 · 12/09/2017 22:02

Op. Do you and your husband share finances?

Quartz2208 · 12/09/2017 22:06

This really does depend I think on your joint finances, if you split and don't share with your husband and are tight because you are on maternity leave then he needs to step up and you need a joint finance conversation

SuburbanRhonda · 12/09/2017 22:09

Do people seriously never read the OP's updates?

Ffs indeed.