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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Tidiness Boyfriend and sex

112 replies

Mushybanna23 · 12/09/2017 11:23

Live with my boyfriend have done for a year now. He moved in with me and my family, we have a small room to ourselves with sink fridge amicrowave oven tv and sofa. it's tiny and really more inconvenient to use. Then we share a bedroom which up untill a year ago had 22 years of my stuff. I really struggle with change and tidiness. He knew I was a messy person before he moved in a fully warned him. I said I was willing to make a change. A year on I've chucked out so much stuff I no longer needed had a few massive tidy ups. I've tried to keep on top of it but with work my nan passing away and my slight laziness it's always last on my list after work. I do all the cleaning though I Hoover wash up replace toilet roll cook dinner and do the food shop. I don't mind doing all of that as I work less than him and he pays more rent earns more and I'm
Home in winter at 4. We want to buy a house next march but I don't want to unless we actually start having sex it happens so little I've tried everything. Every time I mention sex he jokes when it's tidy you can have sex like I'm some kind of child. Before all of this he was always to tired for sex. We have no space for anything wardrobe is full so I have baskets of cloths around the place with no place to go I keep washing them hanging what I can up and then it all haveing to be folded and left in the basket again. Aibu to give him the ultimatum or am I being unfair with my mess. Would renting a proper flat or house for 6 months as a tester work as an idea

OP posts:
sailorcherries · 13/09/2017 15:49

You haven't mentioned the bdsm thing and haven't had sex in over a month but made a post where you told him about the bdsm a month ago?

You had space to store a dining table and chairs to upcycle and sell but your living quarters are so cramped that you cannot move?

You have enough money to buy a house but don't have £500 for a spare wardrobe?

You have a walk in wardrobe yet keep baskets of clothing in your bedroom?

You are leaving in December and had no other job a month ago but do now?

You haven't mentioned sex and don't want to pressurise your boyfriend in to sex he isn't comfortable with but are taking your vibrator on holiday to use during sex? No wonder the poor man has no sex drive.

Mushybanna23 · 13/09/2017 16:42

I live at home with my parents they turned one of the small bedrooms into a kitchen for us when I say kitchen it's tiny tiny. I'm self employed was leaving in December but now not till begening of next year due to contract in rent. I have money for a house but I can't acesss it to pay for wardrobe it's only allowed for a mortgage. Some of the rooms are being renovated and I can't really start storing my stuff in them as our rooms have been separated off. Table lived in the out house after I realised it wouldn't fit so sold it on. Yes I'm into bdsm yes I've told my partner and I was drunk when I mentioned it due to nerves. We do have sex twice a week and then that's it for a month or longer it's the best sex I've had at times other times it feels like he's only doing it to please me I've never pressurised him at all. He told me I should bring the vibrater on holiday as he knows I can't orgasm with out it not that he's ever tried to make me on his own after sex. I've brought it before on holiday and it wasn't used and he said I should bring it. The ultimatum is that he needs to be more affectionet I need some passion in my life and some sex just plain ordinary sex I don't care he needs to started making me feel more wanted or that's it

OP posts:
Mushybanna23 · 13/09/2017 16:47

Idea or closet size obviously not my closet

Tidiness Boyfriend and sex
OP posts:
TheHodgeoftheHedge · 13/09/2017 16:53

You can't orgasm without a vibrator and he doesn't even bother trying?

Honey, you are not having good sex. Please go and have some time to find yourself and someone else who will make an effort.

and for what it's worth, if you don't have enough storage space, hire some or get rid of your stuff. Pretty simple.

Mushybanna23 · 13/09/2017 16:55

Idea or closet size obviously not my closet

Tidiness Boyfriend and sex
OP posts:
ILoveScrabble · 13/09/2017 17:37

The ultimatum is that he needs to be more affectionet

Oh dear Confused. I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't spontaneously want to be affectionate with me. That would be awful. It's not how it's meant to work especially when you are young.

blueshoes · 13/09/2017 17:53

OP, you are not making sense to me and contradicting yourself as other posters have listed out. Sorry but your story does not add up. Perhaps you are in denial. The sooner you get him out, the easier it will be for you to clear your head.

Mimsy123 · 13/09/2017 18:30

Hi op, I'm confused. Why do you have so many cloths?

Mushybanna23 · 13/09/2017 19:51

Well I don't have many just two ski outfits one for cold skiing and one for Easter including ski thermals two wetsuits two hunting outfits 4 ball gowns currently trying to sell 2 of them a few wedding and race outfits 3 racing hats in boxes 2 winter coats that's just one rail almost full

OP posts:
splendidisolation · 13/09/2017 22:15

Troll alert

Coffeeandcherrypie · 14/09/2017 09:52

No gimp suits, OP?

arranisle · 14/09/2017 09:59

He's using sex as a bargaining chip, which is wrong and I don't think you should allow it. But the circumstances sound extremely stressful and cramped. I wouldn't want to have sex surrounded by baskets of clothes and loads of stuff either.

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