To announce pregnancy to family by giving a baby scan at 16 weeks

[Missoul]

My husband thinks it's totally inappropriate and keeps saying 'What if we discover that the baby has problems at the 20 weeks scan'.
I live abroad and I would like to give a little scan to my parents as we don't see each others often.

What do you think? Is it such a bad idea??

Given you've waited till 16 weeks, I'm inclined to agree with your husband. What's another 4 weeks to respect his wishes too?

I am seeing my parents tomorrow, they come to see me, I will have to tell them anyway.

I think youve done well enough to keep 16 weeks of pregnancy to just you two. So why not tell them tomorrow?@

I agree with NapQueen. Different at 6 weeks perhaps. Congratulations by the way.

He doesn't want me to give a copy of a scan.

I think if there are issues at the 20 week scan you'll more than likely need family support.
Plus how lovely to be able to tell your mum in person tomorrow!

No scan pic but he's happy for them to know?

He thinks there could be a problem at 20 weeks although the baby was pretty healthy at the 12 weeks scan so I am.

But whats his reasoning? Dont most people show their scan pics after the 12/20wk ones to their closest family?

I think you've done well to keep it secret this long! I couldn't wait to tell everyone. I sent my mum a whatsapp of my 12 week scan as she was in Australia at the time to let her know. I would tell them, if you'll be telling everyone in 4 weeks time problems or no problems anyway, there's no harm telling parents now. Just ask them to keep it to themselves.

You've done well to keep it quiet this long.

Tell him he can tell his parents at 20 weeks if he likes, you'll be telling your parents when you see them.

Oh it's so tough. But I totally get what your husband is thinking. Everything went so woefully wrong at our 20 week scan which resulted in a sad outcome. What are the odds of this happening? So incredibly slim! I'd tell your nearest and dearest. Offering a scan pic is enterely up to you!

But share it with your parents and other close people you love and trust. After the 20 week scan, get out the confetti, bells, and whistles and tell the world!

Good luck! Congratulations!

He says that it's not appropriate to give a copy of a healthy baby scan IN CASE something goes wrong at 20 weeks. Weird principle, I can't understand that's why I am asking you guys.

I brought my parents to one of my 12 weeks scans; they were over the moon to be included because they'd never seen one done before, and there were tears all round. It was a lovely experience, and if a problem had been found, it's not as if we wouldn't have told them about it anyway.

If something goes wrong I would think you will still tell your family and need their support. Or is his plan if there is a problem to hide it and secretly handle it without letting any family know?

@TheVanguardSix sorry to hear that....
Thanks for sharing it, I understand a little better now. Still a very slim risk I agree with you.

So if something does go wrong, how will having seen the 12 week scan worsen the experience for your folks?

Does he realise that the 20wk scan being clear and well isnt a guarantee of a problem free birth? Not to be maudlin, but the worst could still happen and then what??

Imo he is being daft

If you are seeing your parents tomorrow will they not notice you are pregnant. If you find out at 20 weeks there's something wrong with the baby are you never going to tell them you were pregnant. Of course you are so I don't understand your dh logic.
Id tell th.em if I were you

Is there a reason that your DH is particularly anxious? Most people tell everyone at 12 weeks.

We showed our parents the 7 week scan (though no one else). If something had gone wrong we would have needed their support.

I told work at 13 weeks.

He would rather not tell his family yet and make sure we are all sorted regarding our new jobs contracts. His mum is going to blow a fuse otherwise.

I'd give him this as it's clearly really important to him. My 20 week scan wasn't great either so I get it.

BTW your MIL doesn't get to blow a fuse because you're having a baby unless you're expecting her to keep you completely without getting a job.

If parents know now, they have 4 weeks to get used to the idea of being grandparents before the 20 week scan. If you get bad news then, they have had time to process the grandparent idea before they will step in and support you (as any good parent would). I can't imagine telling them in one breath at 20 weeks you were going to make them grandparents and in the next one that there are problems, then expect their support. Congratulations and good luck btw!

Difficult one.

I think it's fine at 16 weeks for you to tell your family if you want.

I think your last post is a good point from him. He's got solid reasons for not telling HIS parents yet - that seems fine. Can you compromise on making sure yours don't tell his etc.?

Scan pic - I'm actually with him on this. Things can go wrong. You can tell them without sending the pic. It's his baby too, so I think if he's really against sending out the pic then I would respect that - it seems a bit icky to do the whole cutesy scan pic email 'guess what...?!' thing if he doesn't like the idea. And if he'd be happy with the pic thing after 20 weeks, that's not long to wait anyway. He may be supersititous!

But he doesn't get to veto you telling your parents etc simply because his mum happens to be an interfering and volatile person!