My SIL is eight months pregnant with a baby that was an unplanned but very happy surprise. I am very much not pregnant, after a year trying and three miscarriages. I was sent an invitation to a 'celebration for [SIL] before the baby is born' - it looks like a lovely, thoughtful event: afternoon tea at a nice but not £££ place, instructions to bring a children's book but no other presents. SIL is a lovely person and this is not a grabby event: I just want to be clear that this is all about my own emotional state, not about greedy baby showers, etc.
I RSVPed yes about three weeks ago. It is on this Saturday, and I suddenly feel overwhelmingly like I can't do it. My mum can't go, which makes it feel more important that I do (otherwise there's no one from the baby's dad's family there), but also means I won't know anyone apart from SIL, who I don't know that well. I know that if I was going to not go I should have said that weeks ago, not now, and obviously the closer we get the worse it is to drop out. I am absolutely terrified that I will go and cry and it will be awkward and embarrassing for everyone, particularly poor SIL. I'm worried that if I don't go they'll think we don't care. What to do? Should I work on getting myself together for Saturday, or accept that I'm not strong enough and pull out now?