AIBU......mahoosive argument with sister

[mummyoutoflondon04]

I will try to be as brief as possible....basically we all shared a big house on holiday this year because it was Mum's 80th birthday in August. My sister is the youngest in our family and is pregnant with her 4th baby. Her other kids are all under 6!!! Mine are teenagers now. I adore her kids but she treats her eldest son as if he is the King of England. He calls all the shots and if he wants to do something it just has to happen. No idea why this is the case. He wanted to come and meet us on the beach one day and my sister texted me to ask where we were but unfortunately I didn't get the text for ages and we had changed our location several times so I couldn't exactly say where we were going to be. I did call her to explain where we roughly were and that we were exploring rather than just sitting around but got her answer phone so left a long message. That night when we had our joint family meal she was rather annoyed. To cut a long story short....when she went to put kids to bed I commented to Mum that I couldn't understand why she hadn't found out the sex of new baby due in October because her eldest wants a surprise (this is true!!) Mum was agreeing with me and then my sister stormed back in and went mad as she had been hiding behind kitchen door and had listened to our conversation. Huge row ensure. Concluded with my brother in law ordering us out of holiday home. We went and haven't spoken since. WWYD???

BIL is ex-military and a bit of a knob.

Just wondering, but what's the fact that he's ex-military got to do with anything?

Have you tried to contact your sister since this happened ?

I think tbh you need to apologise and in a fairly big way.

Whether you agree or not it is her choice to raise her kids her way. However, I do understand. My dsis and I are close as long as we don't have to live under the same roof for long. She feels and voices often that I am too hard on my dd. I feel but keep my mouth shut that she is too lax and her dd can be a bit if a brat.

You need to apologise before this becomes bigger than it needs to be

I'm not sure why some PPs are unhappy with comments about the OP?

She's slated her sisters parenting choices, appeared to disapprove of her choice to have children close together. She and the mother were caught bitching together (why do that when you're on holiday with someone in the same house?!?) She calls her BIL who is ex military (what's the relevance of that??) a knob. Tells us they were thrown out of their holiday home, when in fact it would appear that ex military knob BIL asked them to leave his and sisters part of the property, which would be sensible given they were have a HUGE row!

She's not covering herself in glory and not sure why people are feeling she should not be told she sounds unkind!

Think you just wanted us to say yes you're right op, your sister WBU

But...: you're just being over dramatic and BU yourself...

Epic drip feeds throughout the thread, OP, did not help your cause!

Op, you have changed your story / description quite a lot. I think that's one reason you're getting some harsh comments

OPmost if the bitchy comments responding to your WWYD have been spectacularly unhelpful and not addressed your question at all. What horrible judge people they are; and they have the nerve to slate you!
As a pp said, do whatever it takes to make it up with your sister (ignoring the BIL) if that's what will make you happy.
Holidaying with someone who has lots of very young children when your own are much older is always challenging

She shouldn't have been listening at doors, you shouldn't have been talking about her in a place where she might have overheard you. You definitely shouldn't have had to leave the holiday home.

We're all judgemental to varying degrees. I can't honestly say I'm not. But I have overheard myself being talked about at work at least twice and it was not pleasant. Ring her and apologise to her and clear the air. Just draw a line under it and move on.

Wow, OP, your brother in law sounds like a massive dickhead. How dare he throw you out of the house your mum has paid for? I can understand you commenting to your mum about keeping the baby's sex a surprise -you probably felt annoyed your sister was throwing you major shade over her son not being able to find you, and any tensions get 100 times bigger when you're forced to go on holiday with someone. Possibly text or email her to explain that you didn't mean to be malicious, and you're very sorry if you hurt her feelings, but that you were slightly mugged off by the way she was being cold with you at dinner. Quite often, people are willing to admit their fault too if you admit yours first.
In future, maybe avoid spending time with her husband, who sounds like a domineering shit who doesn't know his place.

From your sister's perspective op, she'd had a rubbish day (sounds like she has her hands full with the eldest child) eldest child possibly whining or throwing tantrums all day (not your fault they couldn't find you but still a bit rubbish for her) then she's busy putting her kids to bed whilst you sit around relaxing (again not really your fault but still a bit shit for her) then the icing on the cake is that you and your mum are having a good old gossip about her and her life choices whilst she's knackered and pregnant.
Did you/your mum help her out much with the kids during the holiday?

Although a lot of things weren't your fault, I still think it's your responsibility to apologise and make amends.

Ah sorry, I had misread your latest post where he asked you to leave their section. That actually seems reasonable given the row and his wife's pregnancy.

i don't think it's clear what happened, he asked you to leave their private part of the house after his pregnant wife had overheard you and your mum bitching about her so you chose to flounce out and leave altogether?

I think you are really out of order- I get that you don't want to entertain her six year old - your kids are older, i understand but for some reason, you think he's spoiled so maybe you ignored/didn't take him deliberately)

You flounced, you need to apologise to everyone.

My perspective on this is that your DSis is probably a bit hormonal and already a bit stressed about how she'll cope when baby arrives. She will likely have reacted to you as she did when a child - those old family default lines are very ingrained.

Your poor DM will be quite conflicted and be wanting you both to handle this differently. But at 80 she's probably seen this all before and may realise nothing will change.

I suspect your references to your DSis' parenting style are because this pushes your buttons and are probably rooted in old sibling differences.

As ever in family, there's some fault with everyone but in this situation the best thing for you is to be the bigger person and just apologise, even if it feels like you're doing it through gritted teeth. If nothing this will no doubt be appreciated by your DM.

One thing occurs to me though. As you said your mum paid for the holiday, I wonder if she has a bit of money. As she has reached 80 could there be a bit of an 'eye on the will' going on here? BIL may have been clumsily heavy handed to demonstrate to your DM that he will protect his DW (i.e. Her daughter) from her 'terrible' DSis.