In challenging my dh when he flips out like a mentalist at the slightest thing the kids do .

[Spidermama]

My ds, on his way to bed, saw dh with a plate of supper he'd just made for himself (oatcakes and cheese) and ds jumped up to try to pinch a bit. I thought it was a jokey, blokey thing but dh leapt as if ds had nutted him, the supper went flying, and dh went into one, 'HOW DARE YOU. LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE. PICK IT ALL UP THIS SECOND'. Etc.

In a state of alarm I find myself leaping in to minimise damage and trauma from this sudden explosion which is all coming from dh. I tell him to calm down. Say ds didn't mean to knock stuff off the plate.

DH goes even more mental, like a 5 year old, stamps upstairs .. thinks better of it and comes back down again shouting, 'This isn't fair!'

Meanhile ds silently slinks up to bed withdrawn and pale. I say, 'I'm going to check that ds is alright.'

'You're going to check that DS is alright?!?' he rages.

Now he's upstairs watching telly. It's the only evening we've had together for a while and he's off again tomorrow. What shall I do?

ever tried to take a bone off a dog, donna?

Precisely, my2d. It's a bit neanderthal.
When I put plated-food on the table I can see DH sneakily checking the other plates to make sure that no one gets a bigger piece of meat than him.

Have just skimmed the thread so apologies for any repeated stuff.

My DH can be a bit like this occasionally, tho he wouldn't have reacted like your DH in this situation. He is unreasonable at times but I think it's because he cannot seem to take into account the ages of our boys (13, 4 and 2) and expects too much at times. We do fall out over is unfairness sometimes, but I think (and hope) he understands I will always jump to the boys defence if I feel he is unreasonable. I do think he is mainly much less tolerant because he isn't here all of the time and it sounds as though your DH is the same.

Having said that, recently DH has tried harder to not be so shouty (not nasty shouty, just raised voice if the children don't do what he wants immediately) and has tried to understand more, but this is because I will remind him that quite often their behaviour is down to the age that they are.

Am I right in thinking you have 3 boys? Do you have the book 'Raising Boys'? It is pretty good (especailly for me, not being of the male species and all that )

Also I would say to him, if he wants a quiet supper, then he really needs to wait until the children are in bed. We kind of encourage the smaller boys to try what we have on our plates (the 4 yr old being a fussy eater) and if we are having something we would generally ask if they wanted the same.

He was unreasonable, but maybe he doesn't realise how much he upset/scared your son and explaining to him may be enough. He might even be embarrassed to admit that he was totally childish about the whole situation!

He does need to consider his relationship with his son now. I would bet he doesn't want a fiery relationship with him as a teenager or even a son who will worried to voice his own opinion and do what he thinks will make his dad happy. My DH and DS1 mostly have a fabulous relationship, but there are times....

I also totally understand when you say he is a great dad, mine is too, just does't have a clue attimes...but then I think most men are the same!