Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you don't sleep with your phone off if your children are elsewhere

559 replies

eslindanunez · 10/09/2017 07:51

Have been up all night with a vomiting toddler. I live on my own with her and her dad sees her once a week on a Sunday. She started throwing up about midnight last night and carried on doing so for a few hours. We cosleep so the bed was covered in sick, so was I, so was much of the bedroom and the living room and she needed a few changes of pyjamas so that in itself was quite difficult to deal with it as she wouldn't let me put her down. I tried calling and WhatsApping her dad to ask him to come over so that he could at least hold her while I changed the bed and had a shower and just for moral support ( was quite worried as she's never been sick before) but his phone has clearly been turned off as the messages haven't even been registered as read. That's still the case now at nearly 8 AM. Am I being unreasonable to think that if you're somewhere other than where your children are (he also has two other children from a previous relationship) that you don't just turn your phone off and go to sleep? Because things happen and obviously this wasn't even that bad but it could've been a lot worse! I can't imagine being away from DD and not having a means to be contacted should something happen.

OP posts:
Expemsiveuniform · 10/09/2017 11:01

The op definition of "emergency needing to phone other parent" includes a night of puking. That is not an emergency.

And realistically. If the child's father says no. Not going to have phone on not going to be contactable. What can she do? She can't make him.

dolcezza99 · 10/09/2017 11:03

This thread is making me really angry. The dad gets 6 nights a week 'off' - he should be contactable if the OP needs him. She didn't make this baby all by herself and so shouldn't have to always deal with the hard stuff all by herself either.

If that's what she wants, then she should give him 50/50 custody.

No? Thought not.

Beerwench · 10/09/2017 11:07

OP - unfortunately you're dealing with the reality of being a single parent, and this is one of the situations that make it so hard, and unfortunately as well as you learning how to cope with it, your DD has to too. It's horrible, I agree but necessary.
Practically when this has happened to me in the past, I've taken DD to bathroom, stripped us both of and showered/bathed the vomit off together and then got dried/dressed. Bowl at the ready for more eruptions and a pair of pants/vest on DD only - easier to change without sick is hair and other delights. Changing the bed is more challenging but I wrapped DD in a big towel and sat her in the corner of the room with her bowl and got on with it, talking and reassuring. You don't have to be superwoman, both of you need to learn how to deal with things like this just the 2 of you.
I agree that as a parent if you can be contactable then you should be, my phone is charged next to the bed and I have a few numbers on loud and everything else is silenced. In a family emergency I'm contactable, and I expect my ex to be in emergencies. I'd be annoyed if he wasn't for an emergency and you need to point this out to him.
That said the situation you dealt with wasn't an emergency, so I do think yabu to call anyone in the middle of the night.
But yanbu to expect to be able to contact the other parent in case of a true emergency.
Hope your DD feels better soon.

hairymaryquitecontrary · 10/09/2017 11:08

his thread is making me really angry. The dad gets 6 nights a week 'off' - he should be contactable if the OP needs him. She didn't make this baby all by herself and so shouldn't have to always deal with the hard stuff all by herself either

That's what happens, isn't it? If she wants a fairer split she should have gone for shared custody.

SemiNormal · 10/09/2017 11:08

Does everyone keep their phone on if their dc are somewhere else? - Of course I do! Otherwise why what is the point in giving after school club, school and others an emergency contact number?! As a parent you should ALWAYS be contactable IMO. That doesn't mean not having a life, not having a drink, not going to events or being close by 24/7 it just means that should an emergency occur then someone can at least notify you ASAP.

Expemsiveuniform · 10/09/2017 11:10

After school club have nine and my ex number. If they can't get me they phone him.

Unless those of you who say 24/7 don't really mean it?

If I was away with my boyfriend and something happened and I wasn't available (yes, DD that means you and your broken leg) then it gets dealt with. Yes I felt guilty but I got over it. Having a life outside my kids that I don't want them or my ex involved with does not make me a bad parent.

littlem133 · 10/09/2017 11:10

My husband works shifts so is often not around for the night time illnesses. It can be a lonely place on my own in the dark with a poorly or crying child. When I worked nights I didn't want my phone on all day when I was sleeping but would need to know if school or nursery rang. So, On my iPhone there's a facility to have your phone on silent and it will only ring if a certain number calls twice. It's under 'do not disturb' and only your 'favourite ' numbers will actually ring. This may be worth doing with your ex.

FlyingGiraffeBox · 10/09/2017 11:12

He is Op's ex partner not her DD's ex father

This.

ShapelyBingoWing · 10/09/2017 11:19

I've been in this exact situation OP...lone parent of a first child and panicking because they're being sick everywhere for the first time. It does make you want another set of adult hands to help. But I'd rather gnaw my own arm of and clear it up single handedly than rely on my ex. And FWIW, I agree with others that this wasn't an emergency (however stressful it was) and he didn't need to be contactable.

Here's how I make up both mine and DD's beds now to help in this scenario:

(Top layer to bottom layer)
Duvet.
Sheet.
Mattress protector.
Sheet.
Mattress protector.
Mattress.

Then if there's a nappy leak/vom incident, I just strip off the top layers and bag it up to be dealt with in the morning, and get a blanket to see us through till morning.

pullingmyhairout1 · 10/09/2017 11:19

I have been a single parent most of my childrens life. I've never called either of my exes for help even if they've been admitted to hospital apart from once when it was literally life or death for my eldest.

I don't know many lone parents that do either. Also if I'm truly honest I would expect my exes to deal with the kids illness if it wasn't serious without my input.

Nuttynoo · 10/09/2017 11:20

I'm sure she gets sick or distressed when she's with her dad too, how many times has he called you?

Yabvu OP.

Shinyhappypeople78 · 10/09/2017 11:21

Sorry Yabu. What will happen when you have a vomiting older child and a newborn?
Been there. Done that.

NK493efc93X1277dd3d6d4 · 10/09/2017 11:25

Oh come on it was vomiting - not meningitis. Not great to have to deal with overnight but as a single parent you must get used to dealing with situations alone.
It will get easier as you get more confident I'm sure.

Lelloteddy · 10/09/2017 11:26

There are some proper cunts on this thread.

Wilburissomepig · 10/09/2017 11:33

Another YABU I'm afraid. Unfortunately that's the reality of being a single parent, it's a bit shit and it's not easy, but that's the way it is.

You just have to knuckle down and get on with it and I do think it's unrealistic to expect him to come over in the middle of the night to deal with sick etc. I'm sure you coped fine in the end. I also wouldn't be letting him come over to see your DD today in case she passes on the bug to him and he in turn passes it on to his other DC, that wouldn't be fair. Unfortunately, you'll just have to take your chances.

To be fair, comments like this I sincerely hope that the people bashing me have had to deal with a multi-room hours-long sick explosion on their own otherwise you're being unfair! are really not going to garner you much sympathy. Life's hard sometimes, for all of us.

Hope your DD is feeling better.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 10/09/2017 11:34

There's not much point in coming on the thread just to say "I've coped with worse than that, so why can't you" it comes across as a bit smug really.

Hippee · 10/09/2017 11:34

OP - Sorry this thread seems to have become a one-upmanship contest about who has had the shittiest situation to deal with. Take care of yourself - if this is a bug there's a good chance you'll be getting it soon. Do you have anyone who can help with your DD if you are ill yourself? Perhaps you could have a chat with your ex about the phone situation and agree a set of circumstances in which it would be okay to call him - he probably hasn't switched his phone off on purpose to avoid you and it might make him realise that he needs the phone on for emergencies.

Nanny0gg · 10/09/2017 11:34

Oh come on it was vomiting - not meningitis

And if it ever is, he won't know.

Sallystyle · 10/09/2017 11:45

I doubt there are many parents here who haven't dealt with a night of vomit on their own. Unless they have one small child that is.

Her dad is a deadbeat dad. He sees her for a few hours once a week so he isn't particularly interested in her is he? A man who sees his child that little isn't very likely to think about keeping his phone on in case of emergencies.

Last night wasn't an emergency but there is nothing wrong with wanting some support either.

I do keep my phone on overnight now but when my children were young and went to their dads I didn't always have a mobile phone. I trusted that he could deal with anything and in an emergency they would be safe with him. If I went out for the night I would not have known until I returned home.

I can't really work out if you are being unreasonable or not. I can see both sides of the argument. I hope your daughter is feeling better and you manage to get some rest Thanks

Sallystyle · 10/09/2017 11:46

I'm sure she gets sick or distressed when she's with her dad too, how many times has he called you?

What, in the three hours that he sees her? It also sounds like the visits happen in OPs house.

Sallystyle · 10/09/2017 11:48

Sorry, it's a couple of hours, not three hours!

schoolgaterebel · 10/09/2017 11:59

His DD was in the care of her mother, he probably assumed you were capable of looking after her.

Bluelonerose · 10/09/2017 12:04

If my kids are away from me for the night they are with someone I trust and phone is always on silent otherwise it would drive me mad. If it was a real emergency they would either a. Batter my door down until I answered or b. tagged everyone I knew on fb and get hold of me that way.
However my kids live with me I think it would be different if they lived with their dad.
Imo I would of sent a quick text saying "just so you know dd was up sick all night. Is there any chance you can pop over in morning please just to settle her while I clean up. I no shed settle for you"
I don't think I would of expected him to come over in the middle of the night for a bit of sick.

Witchend · 10/09/2017 12:08

I've had nights of vomiting and don't expect dh to get up if he's asleep. Nor would he expect me to get up if I'm asleep and he's awake.

BaconAndBees · 10/09/2017 12:17

Flowers. It's horrible the first time, and when you aren't used to looking out for worrying signs. You get use to it 😏 and you will soon become expert.

My DH was always at work or away when the children were small and sick snd it's a bloody nightmare! If it happens again, use layers of waterproof bed covers and towels so you can peel off later after layer. Could you put her in a highchair in the room you are working in?

Swipe left for the next trending thread