To think you don't sleep with your phone off if your children are elsewhere

[eslindanunez]

Have been up all night with a vomiting toddler. I live on my own with her and her dad sees her once a week on a Sunday. She started throwing up about midnight last night and carried on doing so for a few hours. We cosleep so the bed was covered in sick, so was I, so was much of the bedroom and the living room and she needed a few changes of pyjamas so that in itself was quite difficult to deal with it as she wouldn't let me put her down. I tried calling and WhatsApping her dad to ask him to come over so that he could at least hold her while I changed the bed and had a shower and just for moral support ( was quite worried as she's never been sick before) but his phone has clearly been turned off as the messages haven't even been registered as read. That's still the case now at nearly 8 AM. Am I being unreasonable to think that if you're somewhere other than where your children are (he also has two other children from a previous relationship) that you don't just turn your phone off and go to sleep? Because things happen and obviously this wasn't even that bad but it could've been a lot worse! I can't imagine being away from DD and not having a means to be contacted should something happen.

Well I agree that as a single parent you shouldn't be turning your phone off if your child is elsewhere. However given the father is happy to see his child for as little as a couple of hours a week I think you need to prepare for lone parenthood OP as there's a good chance he'll lose interest altogether at some point.
I've raised my ds alone since birth and on top of nightly projectile vomiting (think exorcist!) for months on end as a baby I've had to deal with choking incidents, croup attacks and various middle of the night emergencies alone. This week mine had norovirus whilst i was barely mobile with a trapped nerve in my back. Unfortunately this is the reality of lone parenthood. You'll find strength you never knew you had because there's no other choice. I would start trying to build up a support network as I really don't think you're going to get it from your child's father going by what you've said. Hope your dd's feeling better today.

Hope you and dd are OK op.

To echo other posters- I'm a lone parent and would never ask exh to help out. Similarly , I do not expect to be contacted over non emergency childhood illness unless my dc want to speak to me or see me. It's a hard boundary to learn but it is important. This is the reality of single parenting. It's relentless and extremely difficult. On a practical note, mattress protectors and thin plastic sheeting of the type used to protect things during painting are a godsend during vommitting bugs.

I found it a steep and painful learning curve that I could not expect or ask for any help in such a situation and it has made me a stronger, more organised parent.

Sorry you have to go through this, I expect we all wish it could have been different

Ok, this has all got a bit silly now. It isn't really a question of DD's dad, but how you cope in future.

1. Keep a towel and bowl under the bed for emergencies.
2. It is only multi-room sick if you take them in lots of rooms - keep them in one spot or in the bathroom!
3. If they cry for a minute whilst you clean up then they cry - you will never raise a child to adulthood without them crying, sometimes it's necessary.

Hope your DD is feeling better and you both get some rest today!

If this happened when he had your child and came on here complaining that you didn't answer your phone, everyone would say man up and deal with it yourself as it's happened on your watch!

Practical tips:

Set up camp in the bathroom, if you can. I take in an old duvet.

Swaddle yourself with a towel, and cuddle your child with a towel over them, so when they puke the towel gets the damage. Fling it in the bath till tomorrow and set up new towels. Have a pile of flannels handy to wash you and baby down.

When it settles a bit, bleach the door handles, taps and toilet flushes. Helps you stop it spreading.

Sorry OP but do you expect him always to be nearby with his phone on?

Holidays? In a theatre? In a restaurant?

there are too many pompous twats on this thread that don't realise that you CANNOT FORCE A PARENT TO TAKE SHARED CUSTODY. YOu can offer, you can plead but if the other parent isn't interested, they have the option to just fuck off.

And why is it always on the resident parent to try to expplain the behaviour an attidude of the non resident parent?

Sorry, but I am one of those that thinks YABU.

It is horrible, I have been there, I have 4 kids and they infect each other etc etc. Dettol will be my best friend til I die.

Even when I remarried and took on 2 more kids I wouldn't wake my partner because I was the SAHM for years, and he had to work the next day. It seemed odd to wake him.

here are too many pompous twats on this thread that don't realise that you CANNOT FORCE A PARENT TO TAKE SHARED CUSTODY. YOu can offer, you can plead but if the other parent isn't interested, they have the option to just fuck off

You're a bit of a thicko as well if you can't see that this also means you can't fucking make them come over when the bairn pukes

Your question was are you being unreasonable to expect Dad to have his phone on.
No, that's not unreasonable and I think people have missed the point of your question.

Anything could happen and any good parent would want to be contactable should the worst happen, he was not.

there are too many pompous twats on this thread that don't realise that you CANNOT FORCE A PARENT TO TAKE SHARED CUSTODY.

You do realise THAT YOU CAN'T FORCE A PARENT TO KEEP THEIR PHONE ON OR COME OVER WHEN A CHILD IS ILL don't you.

HTH

Well, I think it is unreasonable to have to always have your phone on.

Mine is going off this evening because I have something to do and my kids are with their father.

I can't understand how me doing that makes me some kind of unfit parent.

I'm imagining the convo.

My ex says "keep your phone on I want to be able to get you 24/7"

Me "no"

How would he make me keep it on then?

Er hairy I believe the poster was it "becotide?" Was referring to a post made about shared custody . And not nice to call specific people names eithet.
And it was a bloody good point becotide

We've sunk to a new level of stupid I fear. This thread is depressing the shit out of me.
Op, if you're still reading, i hope things are better with you.

I always woke my dh up when our kids were sick and I was a sahm too. Damn right I'm not dealing with that on my own when their other parent can help me.

I am also really depressed by this thread and the way society endorses men just opting out or viewing their having to work the next day as more important than physically caring for their sick dc.

I'm curious how you go about changing a bed off all its bedding and putting clean bedding on, changing yourself of sicky clothes and getting dressed again and scrubbing sick off two carpets while holding a crying vomiting child in the other hand
Sorry but this kind of thing made me laugh a little as a twin parent. When you have to handle two babies covered in vomit at the same time you just have to get on with it even if it means leaving one baby to cry (still covered in sock) while you clean the other one / the bedding etc. It feels really bad but there is just no other way.
Much quicker than trying to clean while holding a crying and sick-covered baby, or wait for another adult to come and help.

I am also really depressed by this thread and the way society endorses men just opting out or viewing their having to work the next day as more important than physically caring for their sick dc

It's not endorsing it at all its just acknowledging reality.

I am not endorsing a man opting out.

But you cannot make them opt in. And it is totally unfair and unreasonable and unrealistic to expect an ex to be available 24/7 to morally support you.

Most. Depressing. Thread. Ever.

No, you can't MAKE another adult do something, even if the thing is totally reasonable. The fact that you can't MAKE a parent not be a useless twat doesn't mean that they shouldn't be a useless twat.

If two parents live together, there's every likelihood that should you need to , you can summon the other parent in a moment of need. Just because one parent is now further away, why is it so unreasonable that they should also be contacted? Is dad's sleep now sacred, because he's in a different house? Why is everyone on his side, given how unhelpful he is in general? It beggars belief.

Basically, OP is being blamed for how useless her ex is. She's being blamed for expecting more. I despair.

It's not about how amazing you were, and how you are pretty much Florence Nightingale at every sick bed. The showing off on this thread is pathetic. OP did cope. She's asking whether it's a bit unreasonable of her ex to be totally uncontactable all night - presumably because she didn't realise he was until last night. She's wondering what would happen in an actual, serious emergency.

Some of you are just ridiculous.

In an actual serious emergency the police will go and knock the door.

There are many many threads on here where people recommend only communicating with an ex by one phone or on email that you only check once a week or similar.

This is kinda what you get as the outcome of that.

does everyone keep their phone off when their dcs are elsewhere

Yes of course and youngest 18. Why on earth would you ever not?

And I totally disagree that not being contactable at night time when your kids are with the other parent makes you a useless twat.

If it does then I have been so many times.

And op I get you totally and hope you havnt caught the big love