To think you don't sleep with your phone off if your children are elsewhere

[eslindanunez]

Have been up all night with a vomiting toddler. I live on my own with her and her dad sees her once a week on a Sunday. She started throwing up about midnight last night and carried on doing so for a few hours. We cosleep so the bed was covered in sick, so was I, so was much of the bedroom and the living room and she needed a few changes of pyjamas so that in itself was quite difficult to deal with it as she wouldn't let me put her down. I tried calling and WhatsApping her dad to ask him to come over so that he could at least hold her while I changed the bed and had a shower and just for moral support ( was quite worried as she's never been sick before) but his phone has clearly been turned off as the messages haven't even been registered as read. That's still the case now at nearly 8 AM. Am I being unreasonable to think that if you're somewhere other than where your children are (he also has two other children from a previous relationship) that you don't just turn your phone off and go to sleep? Because things happen and obviously this wasn't even that bad but it could've been a lot worse! I can't imagine being away from DD and not having a means to be contacted should something happen.

My kids numbers are set to over ride dnd at night on my phone. My ex's is not.

Because he would ring me for absolutely everything and I wanted him to be the parent and get on and deal with the crap.

I had an emergency this week that meant I had to call an ambulance for a baby that was having a fit
The call handler offered to contact the parents for me, I declined as I wanted to do it
If there is an emergency someone will contact the absent parent

Not all emergencies are police-worthy.

I'm sure the threads you're referring to are about abusive exes expem. I'm not sure that's relevant here.

As far as we know, we're just dealing with a standard can't-be-arsed absent dad. Why the hell should he be left to get on as if he doesn't have a child why OP is dealing with everything?

Ah yes we did get the police knock on the door and trust me it's the end of your safe world as you now see it.

I guess that's why some turn off their phones and some don't.

loving Youngest is 18?! That's hardly what this thread is about is it?

If there is an emergency someone will contact the absent parent

Again, it depends what the emergency is and if it warrants an outside agency.

Try to find this reasonable! When separated, my h moved to a flat and gave me his new landline number when i said school wanted contact details. So in wrote the number he gave me on the forms, along with all mine, and sent it into school. Occasionslly, over the first few months, id phone this number to contact him about the children. Never an answer. Id then phone his mobile and he would answer and always be at home. One day i asked if i could check his landline number. He said it was correct. A couple more times i said can i just double check this number. Yes correct. I said but i always phone it first and you never answer, yet youre in the flat.

His response?

'I dont have a phone.'

He couldnt see an issue with giving me or the children's school / preschool a number that didnt actually have a phone attached to it as a contact number. Which would have been less of an issue if he could keep a mobile longer than six months at a time. This really confirmed for me that i was the brains

Loving. I had to get the police to get my ex when DS was involved in a car crash.

Ex doesn't answer his phone to me

That's his choice.

A bit of vomit wouldn't even be worth a text to me. This was not an emergency.

What kind of an emergency do you guys envisage then?

(Genuine question. To me emergency is life or death.)

HoofWankingSpangleCunt

stop getting offended when posters tell you to calm down and go back to bed after you tell them to fuck off (..) twats, and don't make it so personal when you disagree with others, I wasn't.

In future just get in the shower with the baby, bundle up sheets and leave them in the bath. Or put the baby down and keep an eye on her as you do stuff - babies can't refuse to be put down, they don't have that power! Sometimes you do just have to let them cry.

FWIW I don't think being uncontactable for a certain period overnight makes you a useless twat if the child is with a trustworthy parent.

But I do object to everyone sticking up for this particular dad, and berating OP when it is OP who does all the parenting while this useless twat gets on with his seemingly child-free life.

We have scores of women making OP feel worse on this thread. It's just unbelievable. Some women have actually used this thread to show off about their own competence. It's nauseating. And all the while, useless dad is blame-free.

I sometimes turn the ringer off on my phone when i'm alone and my children are at their dads and i'm very tired (chronic pain condition, so i need to sleep when i can. i do have a landline he can contact me on in an emergency, but, if he rang me to tell me one of the kids was puking and can i come over, i'd tell him to get fucked quite frankly!

Expem you're projecting wildly because of your own situation with an incompetent abusive ex.

In circumstances where the parents are amicable and able to provide contact numbers in case of emergency, why on earth expect the police to waste their time chasing up a parent with a switched off phone?

Am emergency could be that you need to get child and a&e but don't have a car - but you know dad does have a car and he's local.

Calling an ambulance when you don't actually need one is irresponsible.

The op hasn't said why contact is only 3 hours if a Sunday has she?

Merchant
That is an emergency that would warrant an ambulance

If I needed to get a child to a&e and I didn't have a car I'd get a bus or a taxi (and have done) or get a neighbour to drop me.

fllying

You must be very young to not appreciate your kids need you post 18 and your parents need you post 80

insancerre

No, it isn't necessarily. If you can get to hospital without an ambulance, you should. We were advised by 111 to take our daughter to a&e after a bumped head. She was awake, alert, breathing. A blue light would be an over reaction. If a parent (either parent) could take her, they should.

Expem You're being ridiculous now. If it's worth bothering the neighbours, it's worth bothering, erm, the child's actual father

Get a taxi.

Take a bus.

Knock next door and ask them if it's really bad.

If I phoned my ex by the time he woukdmfaff and get here I'd have been at the hospital. And in a situation where it's a&e worthy then you should be getting them there asap.

(Not out of hours, a&e since that is what is being said)

Even out if hours. Suppose my ex phoned me and I was in bed 2 hours away with my boyfriend. What use would I be he would have to cope.

Why were you taking her around the house to puke everywhere?
Surely it's common sense to keep them in one room, and sit with a bowl on hand.
You can't put her down?
Yes, you can, on the bed surrounded by towels, again common sense.

It's not nice, I get that but you're a single parent, you're going to have to learn how to deal with it.

If you haven't got a car and you are a single parent then you need a plan for how you and only you get them to the hospital if needs be. That's not being ridiculous. That's being sensible.

Merchant
Not an emergency then