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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if you ask a question you should get a straight answer? Prostitute related.

80 replies

WotOnEarth · 09/09/2017 19:30

Before we were exclusively dating I asked my now DP of a couple of years if he'd ever paid for sex or slept with a prostitute. This is something which is important to me.

He told me he had not. I found out last night that he had in fact received oral sex from a prostitute on three occasions on a holiday with friends ten years ago (long before we met).

When I said I was annoyed he had lied to me he told me he hadn't lied to me - he hasn't had sex with a prostitute and he didn't think I meant to include oral when I asked him the question. Hmm I mean seriously - am I being unreasonable to think if you ask your DP if he'd paid for sex, you actually mean to include oral sex?

DP says I'm being unreasonable and that he hasn't lied to me.

I'm not BU to be upset am I?

OP posts:
RebornSlippy · 09/09/2017 19:32

No, yanbu. He's gross.

intergalacticbrexitdisco · 09/09/2017 19:32

Of course yanbu. He's using 'weasel words' to get out of telling the truth - doesn't bode well, really. He knew very well what you meant.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 09/09/2017 19:34

Is your DP Bill Clinton?

Feellikehell · 09/09/2017 19:34

Is he Bill Clinton?

Subtlecheese · 09/09/2017 19:34

YANBU. He knows he lied and he's a slimy liar who has also paid for sex. Quite pathetic isn't he. Be sure to tell everyone when you split.

PurpleDaisies · 09/09/2017 19:34

He should have answered the spirit of the question instead of looking for a way of technically being honest.

OwlinaTree · 09/09/2017 19:35

Well think about why he didn't admit it. What would you have done with that information? Would you have ended the relationship over something that happened before you met and that he can't go back and change? He lied by omission, but was it because he didn't want you to end the relationship?

Subtlecheese · 09/09/2017 19:36

Owlina ... it doesn't mean she owed him if he did it because he wanted to be with her. He sounds to not be up to her, perfectly reasonable, standards.

SheldonsSpot · 09/09/2017 19:37

Of course he lied.

Better go and ask him about hand jobs too.

OwlinaTree · 09/09/2017 19:40

I'm not saying that subtle, whether she stays with him or not is up to her. I'm answering the question as to why he may have lied.

Okkitokkiunga · 09/09/2017 19:42

How old is he. He could be ashamed and regret it.

malmi · 09/09/2017 19:43

I'll go against the grain. If someone says they've had sex with someone, that means more than getting a BJ. If your partner was asked about sex and not other sexual contact, why would he volunteer additional information, unless he was proud of the fact? Also, anyone being questioned on their sexual history by a new partner is liable to distort or exclude details if they would rather keep it to themselves.

I see where you're coming from, though.

Original poster
WotOnEarth · 09/09/2017 19:43

That is actually a good point about handjobs. I'm fuming.

OP posts:
Original poster
WotOnEarth · 09/09/2017 19:44

He is in his 40s.

OP posts:
Original poster
WotOnEarth · 09/09/2017 19:46

The thing is, he is always going on about how he is 100% honest often offending me in the process.

OP posts:
HelenaDove · 09/09/2017 19:48

So if the OP gets pissed at a Christmas do this year and receives oral sex from a bloke in the stationary cupboard her DP will be happy to agree that this isnt sex.

WeAllHaveWings · 09/09/2017 19:49

Am I the only one who thinks that is a really strange question to ask a boyfriend or dp? Or is there a potential partner questionnaire I've missed out on? Wonder how dh of 26 years would measure up?

Seriously though, the type of man to use prostitues isn't likely to be the type of man to answer that question honesty in a potential LTR, so essentially it is a moot question.

Subtlecheese · 09/09/2017 19:50

He sounds awful. Someone who gloats over their honesty clearly shouts too loud. He thinks he's clever but surely realising he'd be caught out eventually?

PurpleDaisies · 09/09/2017 19:51

Am I the only one who thinks that is a really strange question to ask a boyfriend or dp?

I totally agree.

HoofWankingSpangleCunt · 09/09/2017 19:52

This ^^

PinkHeart5913 · 09/09/2017 19:52

Well you asked him if he had sex with a prostitute and he hadn't shagged one just had one suck his cock. So in that respect he didn't lie as such.

A certain type of man pays for a women to suck/play with or sit on his cock I'd be more upset I was with someone that thought that was ok then his sort of lying tbh

PinkHeart5913 · 09/09/2017 19:52

Am I the only one who thinks that is a really strange question to ask a boyfriend or dp?

I totally agree

I agree too

HoofWankingSpangleCunt · 09/09/2017 19:53

To slow Blush
^^ was to we all have wings*

guilty100 · 09/09/2017 19:55

Urgh.

To be honest, I think the lying is the least of your problems. Sex with a prostitute would be a total dealbreaker for me. It's so unbelievably wrong and exploitative. I don't think I could ever respect a man who had done that.

Original poster
WotOnEarth · 09/09/2017 19:56

To those who think it's a strange question, obviously I didn't just come straight out and ask him if he'd ever slept with a prostitute.

I can't recall the exact details but we were having a conversation about one of his friends who had just returned from Thailand and had been getting up to all sorts and I expressed dismay about his friend's behaviour. This then led to me asking the question about whether he had done anything like that in the past.

OP posts: