To ask for your honest view or direct experience?

[Wishful25]

I'm nearly 40. Married and potentially would like a 3rd child. Worried about age though! I feel young and would love another, but realistically how will I feel / how will it be for the child when the child begins school and I'm 43/44? Perhaps I'm worrying unnecessarily - I just don't know whether to be thankful for what I have and leave it there or go for a wanted third! Thanks.

I'm exactly the same age and have been toying with a 4th. Where I live I know many women who had kids in their early 40s and all seem fine.

I have however recently had a very bad back and I fear I'm not really physically up to another pregnancy. I would spend 9 months in pain and being cross with the other kids so it's probably not fair on them.

Maybe I will get a dog instead!

I'd say go for it. I was 35 when I had my dd and would have had a 2nd child if I'd been able to.

Don't worry about how your age will affect your child. I teach Year 1 and there is a huge age range among the parents. The older mums could probably be parents to the younger mums! But that doesn't make in difference as to which ones are friends with each other and it certainly doesn't bother the children.

I had my youngest at 38 so i'll be that age when she starts school (i can't work out the exact age but it really confuses me!)
I feel a couple of years older than lots of the mums at school (I celebrated my 40 and they are planning theirs) but no so it would make a difference. It might be the school I'm at but all the parents are 30s, there are hardly any 20s mums.
K

"how will it be for the child when they start school and I'm 44". Absolutely great. I was this age. It's no big deal at all. You are a bit older and wiser, and have more disposable income and common sense. Children don't notice the difference.

I'm in my 30s. My mum was 38 when she had me. I never really noticed or cared she was older.

Of course there will be many 'go for it!' replies on this thread to which I would happily add my voice.

But in answer to your original concern, how you and your child will feel... this may depend on the age of the child's peers' parents. Look around the area in which you plan to live in five years time and note the approximate age of parents with small children. Professional women tend to be older when they have children.

Good luck whatever you choose.

I'm 39 and due number 3 in a few weeks. Can't honestly say that I'm worried. Easiest of the three pregnancies too save for the chromosomal abnormality testing at 14 weeks that came back with worrying odds but has since proven fine. Haven't given school etc much thought but then not a huge amount of thought went into the planning of number 3...

I don't have direct experience but we are also considering a 3rd, I'm 35. At DS1's nursery there were mums of a range of ages and I seemed to be in the middle. I was envious of the care free younger mums who just seemed so relaxed (not a suggestion that they were lax, quite the opposite) and happy, then I was envious of the older mums who always seemed so styled and together. I don't think anyone will be thinking of your age, it's not something anyone I know has ever commented on either. I'd go for it at your age without really thinking about age as an issue.

Mums in their 20's seem to have much less money...and seem more interested in their eyebrows and hair than anything else

Nice way to talk about women you've no idea about Tabby. I was a Mum at 24 and did - not to blow my own trumpet - a damned good job. I worked in finance and had as much money as I needed for the DCs extracurricular activities. These cliches you're posting are pretty rude.

I now teach Reception and pay as much attention to the young Mums as I do every other parent. Really, I hate when women are so down on other women. Why perpetuate that nonsense?

OP, I'm 36 now and can't have more. Whilst I'm glad I had the DCs while I physically could, I regret not being able to have more and would have another tomorrow if I could. Only you can decide but I know plenty of Mums in their 40's who've made a spectacular job of parenting in their 40's. There's no stigma to it at all.

I'm 38 and would absolutely LOVE a third.

Husband says no way, so if both parents are on board and you can afford it, go for it!!

I'd much rather have a mum in her forties than a mum in her 20's. Mums in their 20's seem to have much less money and seem less self assured. (And much more interested in their eyebrows and hair than anything else). grin When taking my children to extra activities, it always seemed to be older mums there than younger mums, I often thought that's because younger mums can't afford it as much. Plus I always thought teachers pay more attention to older Mums.

Did you think before you typed? Did you even care how offensive you are? I can assure you, as a Mum in my twenties who - shock horror - actually started having children before I was 20, my children have everything they ever want or need. They do multiple extra curriculars and I couldn't give a shit about my eyebrows I also manage to be 'taken seriously' by teachers. Doesn't seem that hard as I am after all a real parent.

Perhaps I'll list all the shit about the older mums on the school run. How they seem to put money/career before their children's happiness. They never bother to show up to assemblies because work and they can't even understand their kids, the age gap is too much. They don't remember what it's like to be a child/teen. This paragraph is obviously bollocks and not my belief at all

Fucks sake.

OP if you want a third, can afford it and 'fit' them in. Go for it. We live in a 'naice' middle class area with outstanding schools. Some mums are in their twenties, some in their thirties and some older. Never notice their age tbh, I'm too busy talking about our children. Age is irrelevant. Kids really don't care anyway IME. My on DM was 25 when I was born and was one of the youngest parents when I was a child, this was a negative according to my peers. I didn't care, she was just my Mummy and I loved her.

They are usually huddled up together (too scared to break out from the group), looking people up and down and messing with their hair.

I'm sure that's nothing to do with them sensing the judgement seeping out of you and being self conscious about it. Nasty.

I was 39 when I had my DD who is now 3 and at nursery school. All the mums I see are around my age it seems to be the average where I live. Also when I was pregnant my midwife said I was her youngest mum all her others were 45+.

I'm not an especially young Mum, I'm 30 and have an 8mo ds. Being out of my twenties I'm still broke so apparentyl fit to be looked down upon. Thanks for that

I'm 42. DD1 just started reception this week. DS1 is 6 months so I'll be 46 when he starts.
Doesn't bother me one bit. There's a real mix of ages at pick up time. I'm probably old enough to be some of the mums mother! TBH I forget I'm "old" lol and still feel a bit shocked when I remember how old I am - don't feel 42.... well my body does but not my brain.
Same with nursery - a real mix of ages. I've never really noticed anything odd with being an older mum except for the mum and baby groups where I was "too old" for the younger mums and I felt I didn't gel with the ones nearer my own age as they tended to parent a bit differently to myself (and I don't wear Boden )

I can only tell you what happened with my own experience and that is miscarriage after miscarriage after miscarriage. Perfectly easy time at 37 with my first child, then between 38 and 40 three miscarriages, the last of those due to Downs. We had genetic testing due to three miscarriages on the bounce and everything was fine. Just age.

We then were lucky enough to have DS2 at 40 who is totally perfect and amazing. Then very very stupidly we TTC again and fell pregnant pretty much straight away. That pregnancy ended with a late termination two days ago due to another chromosomal problem, this time Edwards Syndrome.

So all I would say is forget how you feel. Your body knows how old you are regardless. You might be very lucky and get pregnant with a healthy baby and sail through a pregnancy or you might just be setting yourself up for all matter of heart break. You just can't tell.

I am 38 and have a 9mo (my 3rd DC). Most of the mums at the DDs' primary school are my age or older. I think it varies a lot by area and where we live most people are having babies at 35+. If you both want a third then I dont see that your age is an issue.

Tabby No wonder they don't want to be anywhere near you. You sound ridiculous. Clearly being an older parent hasn't matured you or taught you any sense of sisterhood.

The parents outside my classroom don't do this segregated nonsense at all. I doubt many do. Except Tabby, of course, who probably feels compelled to stand by herself away from the poor folk. Parenting is not about money. It's not about age. It's about the time and energy and kindness you put in.

At least you admit to being purposefully rude Tabby!
Maybe the young mums in your area stick together because they are well aware of your ignorant views so would rather not mix with someone so negative and judgemental. I live in an affluent area, I'm so glad the mums who were in their 40's here didn't share your views because I've made brilliant friends in the last 18 years since ds1 was born when I was 18.
In answer to the op, I'm 36 and I'm desperate for a 3rd child. DH isn't so keen, dc are 18 & 14, it would be starting over when we now have 2 independent sons, one who's off to uni. Ds1 has said he'd find it hard if we had another baby when we have had family members young children to stay. He has no idea about how I feel about having dc3.
I wouldn't let age be a barrier alone, the child wouldn't notice or be alone in having a mum in their early 40s once they start school. It would be the effect on your other children that would make me think seriously about it. If they are young I don't think it will be a problem, if they are older like mine it might be more difficult.

I would have been 43 when my DS started school and can honestly say that I don't think I ever even thought about my age being a problem. I've ended up with lots of friends who are possibly 10 years younger than me but I also have a wide circle of friends my own age.

My DS has never ever mentioned the fact that DH and I are "older parents". We have always been active in his school life, on the PTA etc so he has always seen us mixing with the other parents and mixing with them socially. I honestly don't think he has ever noticed the difference. He's 17 now and when we go to parents evenings you really can't tell who is now in their late 40's or mid 50's . I'm never sure why here is such a hang up about age, You could have a child in your late 20's and have a very "old" outlook on life or be mid 40's and be the coolest mum in the playground,

I'm 56 now and can still walk, hold intelligent conversations, am computer literate and don't look too bad for my age (with the help of hair dye!). Honestly, you are over thinking it - I would go for it!

it's noticed by other mums too

You speak for all other Mums now, do you? Own your assertions; this is how you feel not how everyone else feels.

As an aside, MrsJoy swearing offends me far less than your misguided nonsense about younger parents.

Whoop. Showing your true nasty colours now eh.? Not much better than me then eh? Shame on you. Ha ha ...they don't not want to be near me....they don't know me. I've never spoken to them and they have never spoken to me. I don't go very often as childminder normally does pick up, but I notice this every time I go. So does my childminder and lots of others. It's not an unusual experience as lots of mums talk about cliquey mums in the playground so don't try and be nasty saying they don't like me. They are not aware of my existence.