New ish boyfriend - masonic lodge - weird?

[Creambun2]

Have been seeing a guy for just over three months now, all going well, seems a "normal" person (important for me after some awful relationships). However, this guy is part of masonic lodge and is asking me to come to some "ladies" night - sounds like some do from the 1930s or something.

AIBU to think this is a bit weird? He is in his early 30s. The only knowledge of the masonic world I have is that they used to deliver my grandmother a Christmas hamper every year after my grandfather died.

Why would a young bloke want to mess around in aprons doing "rituals" with loads of probably older men?! Is he going to suggest sex with aprons and gloves next

Anyone got any experience of this or been to one of these ladies nights ever?

PeterBlue What a ridiculous comparison. I'm pretty sure the Women's Institute doesn't exclude women

See Janice's post !

A very weird and corrupt organisation which is completely and exclusively white, heterosexual and male. Avoid

Not so, i know an asian mason and a gay mason. He's out at his lodge and brings his partner to lodge social events.

But I would still avoid them, it's bloody weird. Not because I think they're controlling the government or engaged in human sacrifice or iowt, They'rea for the mediocre.

the masons give a lot of cash to charities.

The majority of which is to aid other masons, it's more mutual aid than charity.

I've met a few. Most were white straight men. But not all. And to be fair, most men locally are white and heterosexual. The lodges presumably reflect their local populations.

They were decent enough chaps the ones I met. I've met more homophobic men who weren't masons. I do not know their stance on Catholicism. I do know Catholicism's stance on lesbianism....

If I liked the chap I wouldn't let him being a mason put me off. I'd go to the ladies night with an open mind. Put on a pretty dress. Enjoy the dancing. See what his lodge is like. If his lodge was racist and homophobic etc then I wouldn't want to remain with him, as these are men he has chosen to socialise with. If they are like the masons I know - mix of personalities, some dull as ditch water, some hilarious, thrilling men, then I would just enjoy my night

NY'it was cross party. If I give details I'll out myself but it was an astonishing decision at a full council meeting. The masons had clearly been whipped and were called out on it by a female councillor in the actual meeting. Two members eventually left their political group over it.

Who knows how many times it's happened in the past. I think the masons have a hell of a lot less influence than they did even 20 years go but it's only because people have called them out on it that they've lost their power.

I think at the last count, there were 1,900 masons out of 30,000 magistrates. That's a hell of a percentage really, and you shave to wonder why the role attracts so many masons. How likely is it that a mason acting as a magistrate would go easy on a fellow lodge member if he came before him in the dock? I'd say, even unconsciously, he's going to give him the benefit of the doubt.

YANBU, OP.

At the very best it's a massive boy's club. At worst it is or historically has been into all sorts of dodginess in the name of the brotherhood. Couldn't countenance it personally.

Well, obviously, you MUST go and tell us all about it. We need to know:

1. Is everyone white?
2. Is there a gendered raffle?
3. Is it a hotbed of bigotry?

And just generally give us a blow-by-blow account of the food, small talk, attire and speeches. You may need to nip to the loo every 30 minutes to update us. Or it might be better just to make notes and give us the full account once you get home (assuming you make it home and don't wind up in some Masonic sex dungeon somewhere... ) Good luck!

My Grandad was a Mason. He was also married to an Irish Catholic (my granny) so I think he was probably alright

Wow! Cross party! What hold does the lodge have over them that they would betray their party?

Such ignorance on here.

It was my ladies night this year and it was fucking amazing, and hilarious. About as wedding-y as you can get for a woman without having to actually get married. It was all about meeeeeeee.

Actually, not true. It wasn't all about me but it was our gentleman saying thank you for putting up with their late nights, extra meetings, helping them with their words and generally ensuring the home fires kept burning while they were off galavanting. They know they ask a lot of their partners and I am happy Dh is doing something he enjoys and can give back to as much as he is given. He could be getting hammered in a bar and getting up to all sorts of mischief.

Yes, there are many old farts still stuck in the 1950's when it comes to women. But you will find that in any walk of life. My dad is the most misogynistic, homophobic, racist hypocrite you will ever meet (but it's ok because he has a wife, daughter's and a token black friend). He would never be a mason though because they're untrustworthy!

Or there are the men, like my Dh, who put up with me raging about the injustices women have to endure and doesn't make a comment when I hypocritically go shopping for my finery so I can waltz around in a posh gown and be lay-deeee for the night, with one of my best friends who has a pint in hand rather than a glass of wine.

You don't have to believe in god either, we, not god specifically. Rather, belief in a higher being. Dh would say his faith is particularly religious, we are typical 'when it suits' church goers - weddings, christenings, funerals. The odd carol service at Xmas. He has Brothers who are Muslim and Sikh. I am sure there are other religions and beliefs but I don't discuss with them unless it comes up.

Go, don't go. Quite frankly it matters little to them. But please, please educate yourself properly on what they do NOW. Not what they, along with hundreds of other groups and people have done through the passage of time. But the raising money for charities, individuals, groups without dashing to Facebook going "look at me, look at what I've done". In this day and age where everyone wants to be a media darling, it's nice to see honest, dependable people working quietly in the background to ensure others less fortunate can have something a little more.

Examples I know of;
Local lodge sponsored a youth league team's football kit.
Donation to guiding
Support and compassion as well as advice when our son had to have what was a very minor operation from a friendly dr mason.
Support, compassion and financial aid to a family just keeping their head above water after cancer diagnosis.

These might be small things to you, but this will be happening up and down the country. So while they might be perceived as 'looking after their own', there are quite a lot of them to do the looking after.

They are trying to show the positive side of freemasonry that gets buried in the tales of nepotism. You can find grand lodge on Facebook and you don't have to prove your allegiance to follow that page. It's not kept hidden from view.

Take a look at https://mcf.org.uk the Masonic charitable foundation to see what they do in regards to anyone and everyone.

If you can, the sky series inside the Freemasons was pretty accurate. They showed a lot of things which wouldn't be seen by mere mortals most of the time.

Mostly, consider op that if you oh is a Freemason, it isn't just you who has considered him to be a just and worthy man. Rather, others have seen a positive side to him too. If you speak to his Brothers - and there is likely to be other events not just ladies nights - BBQ's, bar nights, race nights, Xmas dinner for the widows are just some social events I can think of. Formal events such as Carol services, white table events (ladies night but slightly less formal and more like their usual festive board)

Any magistrate or judge who knew a party in a case would have to declare it and couldn't try a case. So stating a mason magistrate would go easy on another mason is quite a stretch.

*isnt particularly religious.

Fat typey fingers.

Masons are no worse than the bloody pta!

A corrupt organisation - my FIL was in it. I am sure the ladies night will be harmless - but very patronising and a front for the corruption that goes on behind the scenes.

Yes, they absolutely should declare it wow. Whether they do or not is questionable, and they certainly have not done so in the past. I have recently covered two cases where a police officer and a councillor were both discovered to have not declared being a mason.

In practise, the magistrates in the small town in which I work do have prior knowledge of may of the defendants that come before them. If they removed themselves from the bench every item they recognised a name, they'd never get any work done.

What a load of rubbish, from someone who doesent have a clue. My friend is a female Mason, there are many non white people. My dad and brother were Masons on a low level.

I totally agree with minisoks. They do a lot if charity work, I went to the Masonic Girls school, as dad had terminal cancer. They made sure we were taken care of once dad died, and helped me through uni, so I will be totally indebted to them.

Been to quite a few ladies nights in the past. Always had a good time. I found it the same as any event - some nice people and some arseholes! DH and I were quite young when we started going with the in laws and found as the mason and their wives were older they all looked out for us which was nice. Still friends with those that are still alive! 😆

Go, you might enjoy it and at least you'll know what goes on (dancing, drinking, raffles and if you're lucky a game or two of bingo! 😂)

PS got my worst ever hangover after a NYE at a Masonic do. Can still remember the headache nearly 30 years later!

Masons* and their wives

You do realise there is a Womans Freemason Movement that runs along the same lines and doesn't allow men to join?

A very weird and corrupt organisation which is completely and exclusively white, heterosexual and male. Avoid. I agree with the sentiment but it isn't all white, my husband isn't white and he was invited to join. Went along a couple of times but wasn't interested and we were moving so that was his excuse not to go back.

My dad is part of the Masonic society as was my grandfather before he died.
They are harmless and it is primarily a networking thing and a social circle. Ok so the meetings are generally for men although there are female and mixed lodges.
They support their widows and families after a members death, have services which you can access if you need to and are generally a nice group of blokes.
The women are the social backbone of the group in the way that they are always welcome at the social aspects, be it a function or just after meeting drinks at the club.
Ladies night is an experience, and it's a bit like marmite. You either love it or hate it.
It's not the secret bigoted society it once was, and while they don't necessarily promote themselves publicly they are active in communities. It's not a glory thing for them it's a chance to do charitable work.
There seem to be a lot of opinions on here that are very negative which is something the Masonic groups have been trying to overcome for the last few decades

I want to know what you are planning to wear to this, what does it say on the invite? Is it black tie? I like hearing about other peoples glamorous dresses, I don't get out much.

OP please read this. I haven't RTFT but it's a subject close to my heart.

My brilliant, honest, smart, FEMINIST father is a Freemason. These days it's a friendship club with secrets (benign, I know most of it) not a secret society.

They raise so much money for charity. They do silly harmless rituals and feel a sense of belonging. When my mother died the masons rallied to help my father through, as they do for Masonic widows.

I've been exposed to them for 20+ years. Many of my friends (30s, London) are involved. There is nothing sinister. They don't get each other out of trouble. They wear silly clothes, make close friendships and donate huge sums to charity.

I'm considering whether to marry my DP. One thing that would really make me happy would be for him to join my father's lodge.

Plus, my first ever public speech was the response for the ladies. I was 10, I stood on a chair and I loved it.

What's with all the secrecy then???