To think if a boy hits my daughter then yes it is different to if a girl does

[ouchthathurtsabit]

Preparing to be flamed as this is a controversial issue.

I'm a mum of a girl and 2 boys. My daughter came home with a red mark on her face saying that a boy- known for hurting others- had punched her in the face because she had gone in front of him in the queue. The boy was spoken to and it was dealt with. The children are 8 and in year 3.

So I spoke to the teacher and said I was glad it was dealt with and that I was sure my daughter would be fine but it would probably be helpful for this boy to know that it's unacceptable to hurt or hit anyone but that hitting a girl in the face is really not acceptable.

The teacher then had a massive rant at me saying that there is absolutely no difference and that's a very dangerous thing to be teaching children and it would not be an appropriate thing to say in school.

Whist I do understand what she was tryouts g to say, I do try and explain to my boys that In our society, no matter what age you are, if you hit a female then it is completely unacceptable and that no matter what a girl does or says to you then if you respond with physical violence then it's not acceptable. Males are generally bigger and stronger. Am I completely wrong in thinking at 8 years old this could be mentioned? Because I don't know! I know if one of my boys hit a girl in the face I would be a tiny bit more mortified than if it was a girl

Yh that's a fair point. It's annoying when people don't agree when you feel you are being logical and making sense

Quack porridge if you RTFT you would see your questions have been answered in detail

You do know that some of our lovely, well mannered, non violent sons will go on to rape and sexually assault females don't you?? Many rapists and woman abuser don't fit the rapist, female abusing stereotype. So, like I said initially, the teacher could have looked at the wider socialization in relation to violence against females in society.....in an age appropriate manner.

Walkingdead11

60/40 would mean that more women are the victims of violence than male.

Is that so hard to understand?

Or are you being deliberately obtuse?

Rape and sexual consent is different to hitting which. That's a whole different conversation and not appropriate for a 6 year old boy to have to think about thank you very much. Not sure how you can possibly make that "age appropriate".

@Gotta, please extract the quote where anyone has said that a girl child hitting a boy would be nothing to be concerned about?

Marinade There isn't a bloody quote! I said,...

By the reasoning of some posters on this issue, a girl child hitting a boy would be nothing to be that concerned about?
This meant that one could assume this from what has been said! There is also a question mark!.... I will repeat what just said earlier...You have problems understanding what is said, ..don't you?!

That may be your interpretation gottaget but that doesn't make it right. I don't think that's what's being said at all.

Streetface I said 'some' posters...Not everyone.

@Gotta, where is the sentiment that has led you to imply that any poster believe this? No I have no problems in understanding, your reasoning and logic are seriously fucked though.

@Gotta, and an explanation mark does not alter the intention behind your statement either, do you have problems interpreting your own posts? Are you a bit dim?

Question mark. To be honest your comments enrage me so much I probably read them too quickly as I find your attitude appalling.

LongWavyHair

The boy was 8 not 6. So we shouldn't use the facts to educate and break taboos........got it!

It isnt 60/40 Bony which I'm quite sure you are well aware of.......and I'm obtuse............

I was thinking about my own son who is 6. And 8 is still to young too be told not to rape a woman.
Learning to respect other people's personal space fair enough (if that's what you mean by age appropriate because that's all I can think of), but that should be taught to both boys and girls. Save the sexual consent talk for when the boys are older fgs. And really, I would hope parents will be teaching their daughters about sexual consent as well. Anyone is capable of sexual assault.

To be honest your comments enrage me so much I probably read them too quickly as I find your attitude appalling

You DO sound like the type of person who becomes enraged. A very angry, intolerant person who does not like anyone to disagree with her.
Anyone who gets enraged when they have not read something properly is an idiot.
Quite obnoxious and ignorant actually.

@Gotta anyone who makes wide ranging assumptions that have been picked out of thin air with no evidence to back up said assertions is probably a bit dim to be honest. So maybe that is why your comments are so annoying. Stop deflecting the fact that you made an utterly stupid statement onto me when in fact you have shown yourself up to be something of an idiot. I am as far from obnoxious and ignorant as you can imagine so I can only imagine you are projecting poor dear.

Well this has escalated

grannytomine

My sons aren't violent, they were brought up that way. Zero tolerance, nice and clear you don't hit people, once you start fudging that with a hierachy the lines get blurred. Women are people, girls are people, so don't hit people covers it

I wish my DILs mother had taught her not to hit people

Agreed. And your later post today as well sums it up perfectly.

Its going well isnt it street

And typical of a number of mumsnet threads there is no middle road apparently

Walkingdead11

Yes you are being obtuse, you have twisted and ignored parts of posts, you haven't linked to supporting reports for your figures.

and you have derailed the thread to what it has become.

For those who have just joined here's what we have so far......there is no difference between male and female violence, in fact dv is 60/40 so practically 50/50 🤔. We don't have to address the very real and appalling stats of dv or the other very real issues about rape, sexual assault, and harassment against women, well because non if these things are connected and there are apparently just as many violent women as men. We don't and shouldn't educate our children in an age appropriate manner about the level of violence women and children face and should just have a blanket view that violence against any one is equally unnacceptable. Except, of course that certain groups do get protection against say racial or religious persecution (rightly so) because in actual fact certain groups of people are more vulnerable........the elderly, disabled etc but that certainly doesn't include women, no sir!!

What we must do is ignore the position of women in our society, put our heads in the sand and hope that by instilling a general no hitting policy that those vulnerable groups will be magically protected.........does that sum it up?? 🤗

I thought we had a 'general no hitting policy '

Doesn't seem to be working

That may be your interpretation gottaget but that doesn't make it right. I don't think that's what's being said at all. What else can it mean? If hitting a girl is more serious than hitting a boy then as sure as night follows day hitting a boy is less serious than hitting a girl.

BoneyBackJefferson

Have I??? Derailed it all by myself.??? Fucking hell I am good!!!

Every single person who is hit, bullied, abused is an individual. I don't see that a boy being hurt can shrugged off on the basis that lots of other males have hurt women. That boy isn't responsible for that.

We all need to take responsibility for our own behaviour and how we bring our children up. I brought my daughter up to believe she can do anything she wants to do. She has lived in some dodgy areas when she was a student but she lived her life, went out and didn't let anyone tell her than she should behave a certain way because she is a girl. My sons were brought up the same and they were all brought up to respect each other and other people. In no way would I ever have told my sons they were more important than their sister, by the same token I never told them that they were less important. If someone hurts one of my children they are wrong, if one of my children hurts someone they are wrong. The fact that they are male or female doesn't come into it for me.

When my DIL punched my son in the face I was every bit as furious as I would be if my SIL punched my daughter.