To think if a boy hits my daughter then yes it is different to if a girl does

[ouchthathurtsabit]

Preparing to be flamed as this is a controversial issue.

I'm a mum of a girl and 2 boys. My daughter came home with a red mark on her face saying that a boy- known for hurting others- had punched her in the face because she had gone in front of him in the queue. The boy was spoken to and it was dealt with. The children are 8 and in year 3.

So I spoke to the teacher and said I was glad it was dealt with and that I was sure my daughter would be fine but it would probably be helpful for this boy to know that it's unacceptable to hurt or hit anyone but that hitting a girl in the face is really not acceptable.

The teacher then had a massive rant at me saying that there is absolutely no difference and that's a very dangerous thing to be teaching children and it would not be an appropriate thing to say in school.

Whist I do understand what she was tryouts g to say, I do try and explain to my boys that In our society, no matter what age you are, if you hit a female then it is completely unacceptable and that no matter what a girl does or says to you then if you respond with physical violence then it's not acceptable. Males are generally bigger and stronger. Am I completely wrong in thinking at 8 years old this could be mentioned? Because I don't know! I know if one of my boys hit a girl in the face I would be a tiny bit more mortified than if it was a girl

So instead of teaching males not to hit females we teach them that it is perfectly okay? You really need to look at this and tell me why that's okay??

So instead of teaching males not to hit females we teach them that it is perfectly okay? You really need to look at this and tell me why that's okay??

Literally nobody has said that. We teach them that hitting is bad. It doesn't matter whether they hit a male, female or the family pet.

So instead of teaching males not to hit females we teach them that it is perfectly okay?

Sorry, if that's aimed at me, that's the precise opposite of what I'm saying. I'm saying it is never okay to hit anyone.

I was questioning the logic of the rationale of the 'bigger and stonger' argument. The implication being it is okay (or less bad) if the person you hit is bigger or stronger than you.

I read Prosecco's post and despair

@Walkingdead11

Have you actually read any other view point than your own? Its quite obvious nobody has said that.

Unless you're being deliberately... obtuse.

WalkingDead, you seem to have a reading cmprehension problem. WOuld you like to read through the thread and provide some poster/time quotes, instead of relying on hyperbole and feels?

Boys really? Is she REALLY stronger than you? Is she an athlete or something?

Because even weaker men are in general stronger than women...

See graph

BoysofMelody

Your personal situation is not relevent in this debate, because more often than not men ARE stronger than women, fact.

Unless these women are bloody Buffy, then they are generally not going to cause significant harm, on the whole. However, men are causing significant harm and do it daily so why aren't you focussing your attention on MALE violence?????

becotide

No reading comprehension issues, thanks for the condescension though, really useful. Which part of my argument is troubling you, specifically??

Great graph, do you have a source for it?

I'm a strong tall female, done mma, self defence classes, broke in horses for years, retrained violent teens as a job, lift weights regularly to keep pain levels in check. I carry more muscle than many females will as I have eds &so my body needs more muscle to hold my very loose joints together (my rhumatologists wording). My friends then dh was tiny, 5'4 &scrawny &frail looking (a 'pacifist' so no boxing experience or similar). When he attacked her I stepped in &allways was shocked how he over powered us both. Would love a source on this. Even at 7my DS is stronger than his bigger twin DD who does mma.

Unless these women are bloody Buffy, then they are generally not going to cause significant harm, on the whole.

A woman punching me could still break my nose, give me a black eye, knock some teeth out etc.

Who is stronger is a compete derailment and completely irrelevant. On a basic, societal level nobody should be hitting anyone else. Why are some women so opposed to that idea?

Yes and if a man punched you you'd possibly be dead!

We had this conversation come up last night with our DC. We discussed learning self control in handling emotion, communicating verbally rather than physically, and also the difference in consequences.

Our children aren't frozen in ice; we are raising them to adulthood. If an adult male hits a female, the consequences are likely to be more serious than if he hits a male. Neither is right, save in self defence or to defence of someone else vulnerable. But the consequences matter - a charge might vary from assault through to culpable homicide depending on the outcome. And women are physically less strong on average than men. This isn't a philosophical theory, it's just a fact.

So yes, we are teaching DS now to view physical contact with girls in a different way to that with boys, even though currently several girls are bigger than him in his class - the attitudes he learns now will inform the adult he becomes and I will feel I have failed as a parent if he ever hits a woman when he's grown.

Walkingdead11

I'd say this part is troubling.

So instead of teaching males not to hit females we teach them that it is perfectly okay? You really need to look at this and tell me why that's okay??

'Do not hit anyone, male or female' is a HUGE jump to 'hitting females is fine.'

Alittlepotofrosie

Why not tell that to the men, who are by and large responsible for most violent crime.........

If a WOMAN punched me then I could possibly end up dead.

Walkingdead

The part of the argument that is troubling me is the part where you are making things up to fit your narrative and failing to provide any evidence for your opinions.

That part. Specifically.

So instead of teaching males not to hit females we teach them that it is perfectly okay? You really need to look at this and tell me why that's okay
I've not picked up on that on here.

I have seen many people saying that really we should be teaching children not to punch and resort to violence REGARDLESS of who is involved.

My personal view is that anyone saying it's fine for boys to punch boys back in defence should also say it's fine for boys to punch girls back in defence. Obviously, nobody would say that's ok (because violence isn't the answer). Which is exactly why it's ridiculous to tell boys it's fine to punch boys back.

Woman jailed for punching and killing Glasgow man

A woman who killed a father-of-two in Glasgow with a single punch has been jailed for six years and nine months.

Possible ending up dead if a woman punched you when it's less likely a woman will punch you is a low risk. A fair chance of ending up dead if a man punches you which is a fair likely hood is a much higher risk. The odd exception from the norm doesn't disprove the norm. Like I said female violence occurs despite female socialisation to be gentle nuturers. Male violence occurs because of male socialastion to be more violent, entitled and to view women as property.

slashlover

Yes women's prisons are full of women who have killed with one punch 😉

becotide

Which bits, specifically.........perhaps you could copy and paste?

But the person doing the punching does not know how it will end up. Just because the damage could be greater with a man does not suddenly make it worse. The intent to hurt the other person is the same in both.

Whoever is doing the punching is responsible for their own behaviour.

Also, saying men can do more damage, women are not as strong etc. is really damaging to the male victims of DV.

A fair chance of ending up dead if a man punches you which is a fair likely hood is a much higher risk. The odd exception from the norm doesn't disprove the norm

Whoever hits you, being killed by a single punch is a very unlikely outcome. In a lot of cases of death by single punch, it hasn't been the force of the blow, but hitting their head against something as they recoil or hit the ground. But once you've hit someone that's out big your control once you start swinging your fists.

Male violence occurs because of male socialastion to be more violent

I agree, but I would say it is never okay to hit anyone. Mixed messages about when violence is okay and a sliding scale of when it is and isn't acceptable, in my view legitimises violence (in the minds of the perpetrator) including violence against women along the lines of 'well if she drinks and argues like a bloke she can expect to get hit like a bloke' bullshit.