To think if a boy hits my daughter then yes it is different to if a girl does

[ouchthathurtsabit]

Preparing to be flamed as this is a controversial issue.

I'm a mum of a girl and 2 boys. My daughter came home with a red mark on her face saying that a boy- known for hurting others- had punched her in the face because she had gone in front of him in the queue. The boy was spoken to and it was dealt with. The children are 8 and in year 3.

So I spoke to the teacher and said I was glad it was dealt with and that I was sure my daughter would be fine but it would probably be helpful for this boy to know that it's unacceptable to hurt or hit anyone but that hitting a girl in the face is really not acceptable.

The teacher then had a massive rant at me saying that there is absolutely no difference and that's a very dangerous thing to be teaching children and it would not be an appropriate thing to say in school.

Whist I do understand what she was tryouts g to say, I do try and explain to my boys that In our society, no matter what age you are, if you hit a female then it is completely unacceptable and that no matter what a girl does or says to you then if you respond with physical violence then it's not acceptable. Males are generally bigger and stronger. Am I completely wrong in thinking at 8 years old this could be mentioned? Because I don't know! I know if one of my boys hit a girl in the face I would be a tiny bit more mortified than if it was a girl

At my dgd high school she says there's not a week goes by without a fight between boys or one boy hitting another boy for no reason. When i asked her what about the girls, she said, well they don't physically fight just shout and bitch at others. High schools sound horrendous now

At age 13 my son is considerably smaller than most of the girls in his class.

The teacher was right. At that age there is no difference.

Here's a thought, if a girl hit the DD in the OP then should she not have been punished/been punished less just because she was a girl?

Yabu

If it's 'worse' to hit a girl then that means it must be 'better' to hit a boy which obviously it isn't.

Sigh..........

So you are teaching your sons that no matter what a female does/says to them, or however badly she may hit him, it's never OK to respond/defend themselves?!

I think this has got to the point of RTFT where every point has been answered. Several times.

Walkingdead11

A Patronising sigh doesn't help you get your point across.

Treating women as though they are more delicate than men, and that they need protecting and extra special consideration on the basis of their sex flies in the face of feminism surely?

All children should be taught not to hit, not "don't hit, especially don't hit girls."

FerretsAreFeminists

You seem to have completely misunderstood the meaning of this sentence:

Men can be victims of domestic violence as much as women can

"No they can't."

"Where do people get this shit?"

It doesn't mean that men are equally as likely to experience DV!

BoneyBack, I suspect because the point was made several times and in detail. Only for the next post to respond in such a way as to suggest nothing had been read and the conversation hasn't moved forward.

You will breed a child with the same attitude my sister has thanks to our 'Mother'. My sister boyfriend broke up with her. She hit him. Repeatedly. He not not retaliate. My 'mother' related this story to me as 'well he really upset her so he deserved it'. When I asked her if it would have been ok the other way around she was horrified, 'well of course not, men don't hit women'.

Nope. My sister is a violent twat. This is why female or male domestic violence is so under reported. We've raised a generation of men who are embarrassed to admit they are being assaulted. I would never want my son to feel that he should be ashamed like that, do you?

At least the teacher has the proper measure of you now.

@DonutCone

Exactly.

DonutCone. Making sure girls as just as good for a punching from a bloke really isn't helping equality.

Your post suggests the female has been brought up thinking it is acceptable to hit males. Which is about as far from the point which people are trying to make.

This reminds me of the gender debate when one group of people argued that we shouldn't push stereotypes onto girls and force them to play with dollies and lipsticks, instead providing them with opportunities to enjoy toys that encourage spatial awareness and physical agility. The amount of responses that suggested that by doing so children would grow up confused about their biological sex was astonishing.

Protecting females from male pattern violence does not encourage girls to grow up beating the shit out of men. Bad parenting does that.

Is this still going on?! Of course it's worse for boys to hit girls. I cant fathom why people are trying to argue anything else.

Physical strength has nothing to do with equality. Am I less than equal to DH because he's 6 ft and about 15 stone and I'm 5 ft 6 and 9 stone? No I am not. If I punched him in the face would it hurt him? Not really. If he punched me in the face it's a different matter.

We have two DSs. The younger one engages in physical play with his friends more than the other one, but I have never really come across girls who feel the need to do that scuffling/ rough-housing kind of play. They communicate differently. Our DD would find it very annoying and would have zero interest. So even though there may not be physical differences particularly at the age of 8, tolerance around this kind of thing can vary between boys and girls - very broadly speaking.

Of course there are boys who shun physical play or reactions, just as there are girls who might think it's fine to kick someone to make a point, but very generally, I think there are some differences in the way boys and girls play and respond to each other.

Trying to pretend girls and boys are the same in this respect does both sides a disservice and misses the point.

BoneyBackJefferson

Not patronising in the least.....complete and utter despondency in the lack of insight and repercussions by some led to the sigh.........

Now, as has been said (lots 😀), no one is saying that it is okay for a girl to hit a boy. But, because of the very real pattern of male to female violence (DV, sexual assault, rape, harrassment), it IS an issue in the wider context, that is representative of the position of women in society. We do not have equality, we still live in a male dominated society....which IS reflected in the issues raised above.

The teacher has completly ignored that implication in her attempt at representing equality....because we dont have it! Sigh.......

Did anyone else watch that video where the drunk lass took a swipe at the huge doorman? It was in the news about two months ago? If you can get the video up, look at the comments from men. I'll give you an example. "These bitches wanted equality, well now you've got it. We can start punching you back"
That's the reality of dismissing females physical vulnerability.

Physical strength has nothing to do with equality. Am I less than equal to DH because he's 6 ft and about 15 stone and I'm 5 ft 6 and 9 stone? No I am not. If I punched him in the face would it hurt him? Not really. If he punched me in the face it's a different matter.

If you were 6ft and 15 stones and he was 5ft6 and stone then would it still be worse for him to hit you than for you to hit him?

streetface

WTF? If she attacked the doorman then was he just meant to let her?

If I was to attack someone first - male OR female then I expect them to defend themselves and that I would get hit back.

Oh ok so assault is now measured in the amount of damage that you cause when you punch somebody. Ok well next time I want to punch someone I'll just punch them lightly and then it doesn't really count at all.

There was a video on facebook a while ago of a drunk woman slapping her boyfriend, repeatedly. He was blocking and not talking to her. Then he retaliated and almost killed her....that is why it is different. He could have chosen to walk away, he could have restrained her but no, he chose to nearly kill her....that is simply not acceptable. But some will say she got what she deserved, aa happened on facebook. It was disgusting.

Why should the boyfriend have to be the only one to restrain himself while being assaulted? Maybe if that woman had been taught not to hit anyone at all then she wouldn't have caused that situation. I'm not saying she deserved it, but this is what comes of teaching kids that boys dont hit girls. She obviously thought it was completely acceptable to slap him repeatedly and didn't even think that he might hit her back. Neither of them come out of it covered in glory and by the sound of it they both behaved appalingly.

Good job she didn't have a weapon or he might have been dead. How far can we go with the what ifs? One punch to the head he could have died or been seriously injured. Women don't get to behave like animals because they're the "fairer sex".

Didn't see it but his reaction was over the top but she was also still in the wrong for slapping him. You don't know if she treated him like this normally, if this was the last straw after months/years of assaults. She could have walked away too.

When a woman snaps on a man who commits DV, then she is treated more leniently.

For all those going on about how men are stronger than women, you seem to have missed the point (again) that these are children, where this is not generally the case.
It does make me quite cross to think that a child hitting my DS is more acceptable than that same child hitting somebody else's DD (unless, apparently, the hitting child was a girl ).
There is, of course, an argument that these children are going to grow up to be adults where the size/strength difference will come into play, but it seems to me that "Don't hit other people, especially girls" does imply that it's actually kind of okay to hit boys. When that becomes the case, a boy learns that it's okay to react with violence, but we are assuming that he will grow up to be a man who will have the 'sense' only to react with violence to other men. For one thing, that is not okay either and, for another, a man who retains that feeling that violence is an acceptable reaction or action isn't necessarily going to think 'but not towards my girlfriend/wife'. I'm with those who think children should be taught that it is wrong to hit anyone - girl or boy - and to deal with their emotions in different ways.