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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to not want DP to work from home?

81 replies

Limeblackpepper · 08/09/2017 11:27

DP has worked from home for several years. Before having our third DC, I said I wouldn't be happy to have him at home all day, and he agreed to find a space to work.

DD is now 1 and he's only just started to work in an office space. Occasionally, he'll stay at home unexpectedly and work from the bedroom. I hate having him here as I need some space and I don't like not being able to ask him for help when things are difficult (e.g. Baby crawling around and I need to cook lunch/take washing in/etc.).

Today had a ridiculous argument as he said he couldn't get to work as he'd left it too late (?!) and he got very angry saying I make him feel bad about it. Who IBU?

OP posts:

HoHoHoHo · 08/09/2017 11:29

Would you accept him telling you that you weren't allowed to be in your home because he wanted space?

MickeyLuv · 08/09/2017 11:29

YABU I think.

As long as he stays in his office space then I don't see the issue. Is his office in a separate room? You wouldn't be using that with the baby will you?
You can't ask him for help when things get difficult if he isn't there so just pretend he is not.

Oly5 · 08/09/2017 11:30

Sorry but you are. I work from home and it makes life generally a lot easier and is far less stressful than commuting in.
As long as he's in the bedroom and not under your feet in the kitchen/living room, what's the problem?
And I think you need to get over the fact he can't help you out with childcare during the day. He's working.
I don't see your problem tbh

Boatmistress17 · 08/09/2017 11:31

Could you agree he would have a lunch break with you and watch the dc while you get a few things done?
And in the office with the door shut you can forget he is even in!!

Youshallnotpass · 08/09/2017 11:31

It's his home too?

Of course YABU

maddiemookins16mum · 08/09/2017 11:31

I think YABU. Imagine if he had say a 5 hour round trip commute and how that would impact.

youhavetobekidding · 08/09/2017 11:32

Working from home is really difficult at times, I wouldn't want to work at home with a baby in the house

RozDoyle · 08/09/2017 11:35

teaandtoast · 08/09/2017 11:36

'He'd left it too late?' What a ridiculous argument!

I think working from home only works if you have a separate office space. Garden shed?

nandostodayplease · 08/09/2017 11:37

Yabu, but I get where you are coming from as when my dh works from home it annoys me sometimes

Nuttynoo · 08/09/2017 11:37

Yabvu OP. You have no right to kick him out of his own home, especially since his wfh supports you. If you want your own space get a job.

SilverySurfer · 08/09/2017 11:37

YABVU. It's his home too. And you're being ridiculous to expect him to help you while he is working - how do you cope when he's in the office? Perhaps you should find somewhere else to live if you want your own space that badly

PestoSwimissimos · 08/09/2017 11:39

What a selfish point of view. Working from home is obviously not only far more convenient but also financially beneficial. No additional office overheads, no commute which not only saves money but time also.

YABVVVVU

NoSquirrels · 08/09/2017 11:39

Is the shared office space he works at one of those sort of hot-dealing Ines so he wouldn't get a place if he left it late? Or would just cut into his working day to go.

I think you are being a little unreasonable but understandably. It is hard to have a little one when someone is working from home.

You both need rules & boundaries e.g. 3 days at shared office out of the house, 2 days from home, known in advance. Make it routine & predictable.

On his "out" days he gets up & goes - you can't call on him for extra pair of hands etc.

On his "in" days he helps in his lunch break & time he would've spent commuting. In return you leave him alone shut in a room the rest of the time. Plan to be out more on days he's at home.

It sounds as if the arrangements are just a bit too woolly and flexible. Both of you need to set and uphold rules & expectations, then everyone knows what's going on.

NancyDonahue · 08/09/2017 11:42

Yabu, especially as he's usually away from home in the office. It sounds crazy that he rents an office. It must cost quite a bit surely? Can you build one in the garden? You could add a small loo and kitchen facilities so he still 'goes out' to work.

Parker231 · 08/09/2017 11:42

Both DH and I occasionally work from home. The rest of the family know that if the study door is closed, we're not be interrupted. I'll come out to get coffee (and biscuits) but then go back to work.

Only1scoop · 08/09/2017 11:43

Blimey how far away is his office?

A bit silky to be arguing about it all when he needs to be cracking on with work.

flowery · 08/09/2017 11:45

YABU. Surely if he's shut away in the bedroom he's not disturbing you, and it makes no sense to complain that if he's working at home he can't help you with DD, when if he was in the office he wouldn't be able to anyway! If you need his help in order to take in the washing, how do you propose managing if he works in the office which you say you want him to do?

haveacupoftea · 08/09/2017 11:47

YABU. It's annoying having them at home all the time but one day?

MrsOverTheRoad · 08/09/2017 11:49

You can't get annoyed about not being able to ask him for help! He's working!

YABU.

dolcezza99 · 08/09/2017 11:49

Massively unreasonable. How would you feel if he told you he couldn't have you at home during the day because he needed space to work? Jeez. And presumably he's paying the mortgage?

guilty100 · 08/09/2017 11:50

I understand you have a young baby, so cash may not be in the greatest supply, but is there any chance you could create a space that is "home" but outside the house, e.g. a garden office? This could be the ideal solution to both of your sets of wishes.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 08/09/2017 11:52

Before having our third DC, I said a I wouldn't be happy having him home all day. Haha, I can't even read past that sentence...
Was having another baby contingent on him vacating the house for 40+ hours a week??

Sunbeam18 · 08/09/2017 11:52

That would drive me insane too , OP. Unreasonable or not, I'd hate him being there but not there.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 08/09/2017 11:54

Would you accept him telling you that you weren't allowed to be in your home because he wanted space?

^ this

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