AIBU to think that parents should buy the correct uniform and stop moaning

[Loveluck7]

I am getting increasingly irritated by people on FB moaning that their child's human rights have been violated because they were put into isolation for having the wrong uniform.

I understand that some rules can seem ridiculous but unfortunately some bad parents who have let their child wear spray on trousers and tiny skirts, have necessitated schools stipulating the exact items they need to wear.

Isolation does seem a harsh punishment when it is the parent's fault but how else can schools enforce the rules when some parent's think rules do not apply to them? The child cannot attend class without trousers and parent's would be angry if the child was sent home.

You also often find that it is these parent's who also complain when a school is no good at discipline, yet will not follow the rules themselves.

I haven't read the full thread but I thought I'd say my piece.
I agree whole heartedly with uniform. However, the reason there are loads of stupid rules e.g. Skirt must have school logo on, is to stop people finding loopholes.
If you say a plain black skirt, you will get people who interpret this as meaning no pattern, but may have design elements on e.g. Lace, buckles, wrap around style etc. Or those who think the skirt can be plain in design but may have a patterned or more exciting fabric.
There are always those who try to make their uniform more unique, more fashionable etc and the entire point is that it looks uniform... as in the same.
When I was in high school we needed plain white shirts. So some people had fitted shirts, some had button up to the collar shirts, some had open necked, but one girl had a wrap around shirt that fastened at the side. Her mother's argument was that it was plain white.

I receive the uniform list well in advance so I can make sure I have time to find what I need to. It's never a surprise and schools have been strict for a while now. I'm always amazed how parents will make allowances for their kids to break rules by saying "oh they don't like to wear long skirts" blah blah blah.

I am an events manager and if any of my team come into work not in correct uniform they will be sent home or to the shop to buy the correct uniform. They are not there to make a fashion statement. They are there to work someone's wedding or dinner etc. Yes the clothes in this particular job don't really impact their ability to serve food, it's against the hotel's policy.

Cosmic I don't think you're feeling sorry for yourself, it's not about that. It's exasperating trying to keep up with all this school uniform rule changing and costs and all the rest of it, especially when they're telling you stuff you've just bought brand new isn't allowed (and previously was, or looks to you like it fits the rules).

Already this week I've had two put in isolation (over shoes that match ones on the approved list!) and my youngest's new primary school won't let my daughter pick him up or let him have packed lunches which is infuriating and causes me huge inconvenience. Not to mention eldest at sixth form college has come home saying he needs a £30 politics text book asap.

I'm also a very low income single parent with no friends or relatives to help and no transport of my own and it's nothing to do with feeling sorry for yourself. There was none of all this uniform sanctions and isolation shit when I was at school in 80s/early 90s at least not where I was

Christ there are some nasty judgemental people around.

Why the hell if a pair of shoes were ok 8 weeks ago are they not now? It's being petty and stupid to say shoes are suddenly not ok even though they were being worn to school with no problems last term. It just does not make sense !

Can you not read? I have fully supported the fact that I agree he should be able to wear the shoes and even offered to hold your hand and come to see the head with you.... all I said was I don't think that particular footwear is the most economical choice

Cosmic Pineapple please do not take the role of victim. Claiming that people are having a go at you because they disagree with you, is a really passive aggressive thing to do. I do not agree with you, this does not mean I am personally attacking you. I think if you cannot bear to be disagreed with, then AIBU thread may be too much for you.

Sayyouwill: Excellently put. You have explained the situation really well.

Well said, PortiaCastis. All the judgemental twats who say you must stick to the rules just make it difficult for other people. Parents who might have to decide between putting the hearing on in the middle of the winter or buying fruit and vegetables for their family, and buying a pair of unneccesary school shoes to suit the petty and elitist whim of some headteacher.
Ffs what does it matter. They're just shoes. Things you wear on your feet to protect them.
to [cosmicpineapple] and all the other parents who have to live in the real world. Where, yes, there is a difference between £5 and £16.
Really pissed off with people being penalised for being poor in this country, and anyone who endorses these kind of uniform rules are just adding to it.

If he's going through shoes like that I'd make him buy his own next time so he learns to look after them properly

With what money? This family doesn't have any. If someone is having to borrow cash from their mum, I don't suppose the 13 year old child is going to be sitting on a wad of cash.
And as has been pointed out a million times, these shoes were approved last term.

I honestly cannot believe that people have advocated getting 2nd hand shoes or wearing primark ones rather than the black leather, well fitting ones that this child currently owns.

loveluck in your OP you explicitly state that its "bad parents" who dont stick to thr uniform rules.

Then a few posts ago you say that cosmic is obviously one of those parents you were referring to in your OP.

How is that not judging the fuck out of her?

Cosmic, fuck them. You're doing your best and they seem determined to castigate you for it. I hope school see sense on the shoes issue, my DS is also hard on his shoes and in the past we've had "cheap" £15-£20 pairs that have lasted literally one day so we now buy him £50 StartRite ones and they last until he outgrows them. Email the head and copy in the governers, it shit fair for then to punish your DS for wearing shoes that were approved not even three months ago.

OP it is not that I cant cope with you disagreeing with me. It is your judgement of me that is upsetting.
You have already stated I am one of those parents

I have not replaced the shoes I bought in April. They are the exact same pair. Not new.
I checked with the head if year they were ok before I bought them. He wore them all summer.

I think you are self rightious and are getting some sort of kick from beating me down on this thread. I suppose that is me playing the victim but I feel that way because of 2 posters.
My son will have new shoes by the weekend.
Think what the hell you like about me I dont know you and frankly nothing you say can make me feel any worse. Call me passive aggressive, a victim, label love mum I am sure you will feel good about yourself afterwards.

Loveluck it isn't actually a crime to buy fashionable shoes for your kids, when you have checked with the school before purchasing. Cosmic did nothing wrong.
The school have changed the terms here and have punished her child totally unfairly.

Noeffingidea

Are you for real?

Do you think people have money because the fairies come and drop it off at night?

I don't suppose the 13 year old child is going to be sitting on a wad of cash

Wouldn't matter if he was.

Parents are not here to fund some head teachers power trips. He wakes up one morning wanting to piss up a lamppost and what? Just throw money away on uniform every time? Fuck that

chock what the fuck are you on about?

I think uniforms are a good idea , but make them sensible trousers polo tshirt and sweat shirt job done! Ties and skirts are outdated crap!

I would get rid of all uniforms and dress codes that don't apply to safety. I get that piercings can be a risk during PE, but what difference does it make what colour their hair is? Too much energy goes on this when education is failing children in other areas.

Well loveluck and I will sit on our castles judging all you peasants sat crying over your bowls of gruel. Fgs

I SAID THE KID SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO WEAR THE FUCKING SHOES. Not once did call her a shit parent I stated a perfectly valid opinion.

With the amount of problems with discipline in our schools I do not understand why parents would not do the utmost to support school rules, unless extenuating circumstances such as poverty prevent you from doing so

chock well if thats what you said then you're not being a judgemental twat then, are you?
Can't say the same for others on the thread though.

My 16yo brother has just started at a post-16 school and there is a uniform. The school measured them all on their day one induction and is ordering their uniforms. They're allowed to wear their own clothes until then - smart casual, no sportswear, no midriff showing, no ripped clothing. The uniform is tailored trousers, a school logo hoodie, and a school logo polo shirt. It's a flat fee of £51 payable by the parents, payment can be made in full by the end of the month or in five instalments by arrangement with the office. Shoes can be from anywhere provided they are black leather, fully enclosed, and don't have a heel higher than one inch. No trainers and no additional colouring such as piping or coloured laces.

To me, that is a sensible uniform policy.

Bearfrills: you are right, I do think Cosmic "is one of those parents". I don't agree with what she has done in this situation. And I don't think the constant excuses she makes for not following the rules are valid. However, me having that opinion, is not attacking her, it is having a difference of opinion.

People who join discussion threads and then act wounded when someone does not agree with them, it's just someone who is trying to shut down debate. It is not a valid thing to do, to play the victim, when people do not agree with you. Choc has been very reasonable but all cosmic wants to do is have a pity party. This type of victimhood is actually quite aggressive.

bearfrills that is sensible, though I don't see the point of post 16's having to wear uniform, tbh. All 16 year olds go to college here and wear their own clothes, with no problems at all.

Where dis she not follow rules?

She checked befire she bought them ffs

Calling her a bad parent is attacking her. You have no idea what sort of parent she is and you are not making yourself sound any less judgemental by trying to defend it as a difference of opinion.

I think uniform policies are often overly strict and that parents on limited incomes are unfairly penalised. You think parents should comply with uniform policies. That is a difference in opinion.

Someone who does not comply with uniform policy is a bad parent. That is a personal judgement and an attack that victimises another person.

See the difference?

The course he's on involves some vocational work where they need to be in uniform to identify them but not in the sort of uniform where a member of he public would presume them to be an official employee (it's an aviation course).