Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

AIBU to think that parents should buy the correct uniform and stop moaning

740 replies

Loveluck7 · 06/09/2017 17:07

I am getting increasingly irritated by people on FB moaning that their child's human rights have been violated because they were put into isolation for having the wrong uniform.

I understand that some rules can seem ridiculous but unfortunately some bad parents who have let their child wear spray on trousers and tiny skirts, have necessitated schools stipulating the exact items they need to wear.

Isolation does seem a harsh punishment when it is the parent's fault but how else can schools enforce the rules when some parent's think rules do not apply to them? The child cannot attend class without trousers and parent's would be angry if the child was sent home.

You also often find that it is these parent's who also complain when a school is no good at discipline, yet will not follow the rules themselves.

OP posts:
Twistmeandturnme · 07/09/2017 08:36

There must be a middle ground. Our local school has kilts for girls and blazers, ties etc. All the PE kit is logoed...even the sports socks had to come from a certain shop and in a colourway that was impossible to find elsewhere. When DD started in Y7 it cost hundreds of pounds to kit her out. They are also really strict so there's no opportunity to swap things in: although, tellingly, the boys trousers can come from wherever as long as they are tailored and not tight.
Moved her part way through the year to another school as apart from the strict uniform the behaviour policy was dire ( another story). Went to the school outfitters for the new uniform and it was less than £70, plus tights and skirts from supermarket. This school is strict but their uniform expectations are reasonable so it's easy to spot those who are taking advantage as opposed to those who have grown a bit.

blackteasplease · 07/09/2017 08:43

I think uniform should be as straight forward as possible.

For primary school, a certain colour tracksuit bottoms (shorts in summer) with a polo shirt and sweatshirt for all kids would seem sensible. Or maybe smart trousers if they must be smart (why though?). All this business of skirts (which lead to the long/ short debate), tiesn blazers, stuff with a logo on, starts the problem imo.

Original poster
Loveluck7 · 07/09/2017 08:50

Cosmic, having looked at the vans lace up black shoes online, I have to agree with choc, they are not school shoes,they were a fashion choice. I do not know of a school around here that would allow vans. I do know several schools with specific statements about them in the dress code.

You can get a pair of black laceups shoes which are acceptable for school from sports direct for £15.99. If that is too much for you, you could try going to your local selling sites or mums Facebook groups and ask if anyone has a pair they are willing to part with.
I think you are the type of parent I'm talking about. I am sure your school published the rules at least six weeks ago you didn't follow them and now your claim you can not afford £16, even though you previously bought your son a lot more expensive pair.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 07/09/2017 08:56

Primark is becoming the Aldi of clothing. Whenever someone brings up struggling with food budget, it's 'Shop at Aldi,' because of course, there's one on every corner. We all live in cities where Aldis abound and you can walk to shops. Or a Primark.

chockwockydoda · 07/09/2017 09:03

Loveluck

Thank you my point exactly

Cosmic

If you bought them in April he's worn them for 4 months.

If he's going through shoes like that I'd make him buy his own next time so he learns to look after them properly

CosmicPineapple · 07/09/2017 09:03

Cosmic, having looked at the vans lace up black shoes online, I have to agree with choc, they are not school shoes,they were a fashion choice. I do not know of a school around here that would allow vans. I do know several schools with specific statements about them in the dress code.

In April 2017 I went to school saw the head of year showed her the shoes and asked if they were suitable. The answer was yes.
I bought the shoes.
DS wore them from April until the end of July with no issues. Went back yesterday in the same pair of shoes was put in isolation.
I will buy him new shoes I have borrowed money from my mum and will get them this weekend.
What is upsetting is that I could not afford to buy new ones so sent him in old ones and he was punished for it. Something he could not control.

Thank you both for adding to my already shitty feelings. You are both correct I only care about labels and have done all of this because I am a crap mum. I can only dream of being a good a parent as you and choc.

Think its time for me to hide the thread.

maddiemookins16mum · 07/09/2017 09:04

One of the mums at DD's school is always moaning about the cost of the uniform (the skirts are £35.00 - two usually last us the year, same with the jumpers). Funny how she never moans about the designer outfits her DD wears the rest of the time.

Purplemeddler · 07/09/2017 09:05

But those same shoes were acceptable 8 weeks ago. It isn't on to just change the terms and assume everyone has enough money set aside to indulge the latest whim of the school.
Sometimes schools are way too free with parent's money and seem to live in a dream world where all families have cash just lying around

Yes, this. I live in quite an affluent area and the assumption all parents are loaded is quite annoying. If a school is in a less affluent area it must be even more annoying.

You don't need an expensive uniform. I can't see the issue with bog standard uniform from M&S and the like. The only school-specific item you should really need is a tie (and that's if you think a tie is necessary for a neat school uniform, given they are barely worn in the workplace these days).

I heard on the radio this morning that a school has banned girls from wearing skirts (everyone must wear trousers) so that kids struggling with their gender don't get upset. Well how about saying boys can wear skirts? Didn't some boys wear skirts in a school in Exeter last term because it got so hot?

CosmicPineapple · 07/09/2017 09:06

If he's going through shoes like that I'd make him buy his own next time so he learns to look after them properly

He is 13 yo ff. He takes good care of his clothes. He cannot stop his feet from growing. He went from size 9 to size 10 xmas to April. I suppose you think I should force his feet in to small shoes. Hmm

chockwockydoda · 07/09/2017 09:09

Cosmic

No one called you a shit mum. I'm happy to get in my car drive to where you live take the shoes in and shove them up the arse of his year head. IF there wasn't a change in uniform AND it's not stipulated that they aren't allowed. Send an email to the head copy in the governors and tell them he's wearing the shoes that now match the policy and until his toes hang out of them you're not buying more. Put your big girl pants on and stop feeling sorry for yourself.

All he missed yesterday was getting their planners and chatting about the summer to his mates

TheFairyCaravan · 07/09/2017 09:10

If he's going through shoes like that I'd make him buy his own next time so he learns to look after them properly

ODFOD!

I paid £90 for a pair of shoes for DS2 when he started his nursing degree. We thought they'd last him the course but the inconsiderate sod hasn't stopped growing, despite being almost 21. What are we meant to do, cut the bloody toes out?

Gileswithachainsaw · 07/09/2017 09:10

Funny how she never moans about the designer outfits her DD wears the rest of the time

Presumably her home designer gear isn't going to get ruined with paint, chalk, pens etc, stolen by patents who dont return shit their kids bring home by accident and can be sold on afterwards..

CosmicPineapple · 07/09/2017 09:13

No change in uniform. Apart from y11 tie is now gold.

chockwockydoda · 07/09/2017 09:13

Cosmic

You've got a winging answer for everything. Either he the quality was shit like you insinuated or his feet grew which is it?

My son is twelve so far he's had to replace his school tie a school bag and a pair of PE socks that he has either lost or damaged. So at 13 I absolutely think he is capable of looking after his stuff

Gileswithachainsaw · 07/09/2017 09:17

Wtf does it matter chock she bought shoes that were approved. They change their minds.

Not her fault or her ds's fault.

CosmicPineapple · 07/09/2017 09:18

Put your big girl pants on and stop feeling sorry for yourself.

Hang the fuck on. Between you and the OP judging the fuck out of me how do you expect me to feel?
I have already said I have sent him with a note asking that they ring me if the shoes are still not right before they put him in iso.

It is fucking hard being a single parent and on a normal day I get on with it as fucking usual. Yesterday was a shit day for my son caused by me. Excuse me for feeling a bit shit about that. I happen to be human and my emotions can get the better of me.
Dont suppose as a label loving single mum I am allowed feelings though. You two bash away at me all you like I could not give a fuck.

chockwockydoda · 07/09/2017 09:19

Giles.... did I not say that?

The argument was style over substance. They aren't shoes they are trainers. She cut the label off. Take the child to see the head and tell him he's wearing them. End of story

Gileswithachainsaw · 07/09/2017 09:19

Flowers cosmic

chockwockydoda · 07/09/2017 09:20

Clearly

TheFairyCaravan · 07/09/2017 09:21

Cosmic it's not your fault. It's really not. Flowers

Lovingmybear2 · 07/09/2017 09:22

It always makes me laugh that the only time kids seem to wear sensible appropriate clothes to school are on TT days.

Girls turn up in jeans shorts or leggings and not school skirts rolled up or very short and boys just wear shorts or trousers.

No hassle. Each child feels comfy and adult teachers don't spend their time enforcing stupid uniform rules.

Ditch the uniforms and save parents a fortune and teachers time.

Gileswithachainsaw · 07/09/2017 09:23

She can buy her ds what she likes though.

Or are people not supposed to ever but something nice just because school may decide to fuck about with stuff weeks later and they won't have the money then to boost the heads ego.

If she wanted to buy her son 400 pound trainers knowing he's not even make it home with then that's her choice and her right. Doesn't make it ok for school to do what they have done.

chockwockydoda · 07/09/2017 09:24

How have I judged the fuck out of you by saying you bought a £50 pair of trainers instead of a £15 pair of shoes and want to bitch you can't afford another pair.

I've been a single parent it is seriously fucking hard I didn't even have a single family member to borrow £20 off so yes I get it completely. I get going into the shop and paying for a loaf of fucking bread with pennies because that's all the money I had.

So yes I will sit on my high horse and say grow a backbone and go tell the school he's wearing the shoes. Notes are a waste of time.

CosmicPineapple · 07/09/2017 09:34

Either he the quality was shit like you insinuated or his feet grew which is it?

Can you not read?

Tge qyality of the £16 asda shes were shit lasted 1 term.
The M&S ones at £46 were better qualutiy and lasted 2 terms.
His feet grew so in April I bought him vans at £47 from amazon after checking with the head of year they were suitable.

They have lasted well and are in good condition still fit so I have not yet replaced them.

What is your problem with me?

CosmicPineapple · 07/09/2017 09:35

So yes I will sit on my high horse and say grow a backbone and go tell the school he's wearing the shoes. Notes are a waste of time.

Sorry I work full time so I am not able to go to the school as I cannot just take time off work.
I suppose you will judge me for that also?