Next doors 5 year old kid has been screaming late at night for the past 3 years. Seriously destroying our quality of life.

[sleeplessneighbour]

They moved in around 3 years ago with their toddler, back then he screamed all day every day. Never ending tantrums. When they put him to bed at 6pm he would scream and yell for up to 2 hrs before finally exhausting himself, but often some time after midnight he would wake up again and start yelling and screaming.

For the first year this happened every single day, and I'm not exaggerating. We called over at one point (with wine and a smile I might add!) to talk to them about it and see if there was a solution we could work out. They were immediately defensive and sent us away saying that this is what kids do and refused to entertain any suggestions of moving him to a different part of the house or attempting to soundproof his room.

Over the years he does it less frequently (around 1/2 times a week) but now he is bigger he is even louder. I hear it through earplugs. It's audible in other rooms of the house and not just the one immediately adjacent to his.

I'm at my wits end. I opened my window one night and yelled at him to 'shut up' as he'd been screaming for 20 mins at 2am and the parents were upstairs in their loft conversion apparently oblivious.

WTF do I do? This is getting past the point of acceptable and has been going on for so long now that I doubt he'll ever grow out of it. Can any parents with experience of kids like this help me with how to approach them? We're a bunch of late 20's/early 30s professionals who have 1 party a year and are early to bed. We cause zero disturbance to any of our neighbours.

Any and all help appreciated, thanks from a desperate bunch of tired people.

Abit de gusted with the first page of responses. I cant image anything worth apart from all night party with bass on. Op if talking to neighbours not helped environment next place to go. Its not normal behaviour so ill be worried about the boy

Huge sypathies for your troubles OP but have you tried the silicon putty earplugs? They're much more effective than any of the other types. I am amazed at the noise they can drown out.

If the child has SEN why did the parents not explain when the OP went round?

How is the OP to know whether the child had SEN , or is being mistreated? If the child does not have SEN I would be very worried about that level of screaming.

The OP was nice, went round with wine.

Of course it affects your quality of life, being kept awake, night after night. It could also affect your ability to do your job, to operate safely, etc.

As for the drone of posters suggesting 'detatched' even repeated by JamesBlonde long after the OP had explained.,... What charmed existences you all have that you could easily skip from flat to detatched house. And there aren't any bloody detatched houses in London. Not that an ordinary person could rent. Hardly any, any.

OP your options seem to be:
-If you think there are no SEN, call social services.

• call the Council and complain about noise

-go and have another talk with the parents and ask whether there is anything they can go -move

I wouldn't report anything to anyone yet.

I would however keep a notebook and jot down every time you hear the child scream for longer than 10/15 minutes at a time (with dates and times), and if there is prolonged crying/screaming.

How is the child during the day, with his parents?

Even if the child has SN, that is not the OP's problem!Her problem is that her quality of life is being affected by the constant noise.

It is possible for the child to have special needs and for the parents to either

• not know, and just think the child is naughty -not be coping and be stressed and depressed -not want to admit to it to strangers
• have special needs themselves and not be coping

Not all parents would be able to explain to neighbours. Not all parents would be able to cope. Not all parents would be able to ask for and access help.

I'm reasonably intelligent, confident, well supported, articulate and have pretty stable mental health and I struggle to accept my children's SEN and to always ask for and accept help.

God help some families.

and no I wouldn't want to live next to them

Op I don't think you are being unreasonable, you haven't kicked off or been nasty and I can understand you feeling so down about it. Yes I'm sure it's hideous for the parents too but it is their child and you who is putting up with it as much as them as you are next to the noise and they upstairs in the loft.
Could you speak to the neighbour on the other side, say that you aren't being nasty but you just wondered if they had any concerns. Then yes I'd phone social services, it may be an additional need, it may be night terrors, it might be a behavioural problem, it could stem from some form of abuse, you don't know and you tried to talk to them and they were unwilling so actually for the safety of the child I'd be calling to get it checked out. Even if it is asd they may be able to offer the family some help.

Wow the negative responses!! OP - I feel for you.

My family home was like this, walls paper thin and 2 young children next door screaming from very early in the morning, it used to get me so down, it's like an invasion of privacy, you just want some peace in your own home.

I don't know what the solution is....could you sound proof the walls on your side? Costly but if you can't move maybe the better option, It sounds like they are pretty unreasonable who don't care about the impact their kids are having.

I hated hearing the neighbours so much that when I moved out, I bought a detached house and I'll never go back to sharing a wall again!

Seeing as you rent, why not give the requisite notice period and move?

Haven't read the whole thread, so apologies if I'm posting this in the middle of a bunfight

...but anyone posting harshly at the OP clearly has never lived with loud adrenaline inducing noise pollution over a sustained period of time. If a child is screaming for hours we are hard wired to find that VERY FUCKING STRESSSFULL!!! It's how our species has survived. So I can only imagine how crazy I'd feel after years of this. Shouting at him would be a call for help.

I'm astonished by some of the replies here.

OP, I think you've been incredibly restrained. I would contact environmental health and report them for noise disturbance. At the same time I'd contact social services and report them for ignoring a disturbed child for hours in the night. Hopefully having some visits from external organisations will give your neighbours a sense of urgency that they seem to be lacking at the moment. Good luck.

Sleeplesneighbours
I have started a very similar thread.
It seems like the only people in the world that are not entitled to live in peace and quiet are those of us in this situation.
I have asked for advice by starting the thread but have only mostly received similar comments of an unhelpful manner.

All we want is peace and for my children to be able to sleep at night.

Feeling totally disheartened and attacked. :-(

I got half way through the first page and felt compelled to respond because I'm shocked at the other comments. I am the patent of a screaming child. She hates bedtime.....I'm trying to seek help but it's a slow process abd sometimes all hell brakes loose..some times she has tantrums in the middle of the night. All of which is completely unacceptable when it comes to disturbing my neighbours.
At the end of the day this isn't your problem and I can't believe people are having a go at you. My biggest concern when my dd has a melt down is the neighbours. Mine are lovely and understanding but I'm sure it pissed them off a lot. I'd try and speak to the neighbours again.....if they can't be reasonable then you will need to complain.

you are not a bad person for wanting to be able to relax in your own home!

I couldn't have that for 3 years. I do feel sorry for you. I'd have been ticked off and made the neighbours regret their defensive response and subsequent lack of action with something I learnt a colleague in a similar situation did.

The neighbours then took action to address the issue. I won't post what she and her DH did here as people will jump down my throat..... but it worked.

OP I really feel for you and I'm sorry there are such horrible comments
Who are these MNers with access to a magic money tree that pays for a house in the middle of nowhere? I presume they don't have jobs to get to from these magic never land sites, hell of a commute.

I think as they are doing up their house the least they could do is soundproof his room, maybe ask the landlord to talk to them because there'll be issues letting that flat to anyone.

I hope a solution is found

DD who is 4 had night terrors most nights screamed at 12 am 2 am 4 am like a new born baby it's calmed down a lot now. I felt sorry for the neighbours but more sorry for myself I was so tired.

Ignore the shitty comments, you're not selfish, it's torture living next to a noisy neighbour!
It's perfectly ok to say it's ruining your standard of living, it's not your duty to care about your neighbour or their child.
I wouldn't be able to cope with this, i have a disability, lAck of sleep makes it worse.
I don't know what much you can do, but you're certainly not a horrible person, yes ofcourse the parents have it worse, but your duty is too you and your family.
You're certainly not a horrible person either for shouting one comment after years of this, some people on here must be saints if they've never cracked under pressure.
I'd report it to ss, nspcc, council Anyone.
Hope things get better for you

YANBU OP! I'm amazed you've lasted this long without cracking.

I'm absolutely disgusted with some of the responses on this thread. It's very easy to see who the nightmare neighbours in their particular streets are. The OP isn't the one who needs to change her way of life; that's the role of the neighbouring parents. Telling OP to move house, pay for soundproofing etc - what utterly idiotic comments.

It's irrelevant why the kid is behaving this way. The only thing that matters is that the parents need to deal with it. Most likely that would involved soundproofing his room. If he screams due to bad behaviour and not SN, they need to discipline him. If it is SN that doesn't absolve them of taking responsibility for his disturbances, and if that means forking out for sound proofing then so be it.

I agree with PP who suggest calling the police and social services. Repeatedly if necessary.

"sent us away saying that this is what kids do"

No, its not. If the child has health problems then that can be discussed. Mitigation strategies such as noise proofing etc can be looked at. A recognition that its not just one house that is being affected.

However, the neighbours dont want to do that. They are being anti-social and uncaring because they are just dismissing the problem affecting other people. That is ignorance at best and arrogance at worst.

Lilly - Similar here. Between night terrors and sleep apnea it was multiple times a night waking crying or screaming. It broke me.

I'm also shocked at the responses to this.

This is absolutely not for the OP to live with. It isn't her child so why the comments about how the parents must be feeling are relevant I don't know
They signed up for parenting, OP did not.

I would also be mortified if this was my child and would be doing everything in my power to soundproof/move child whatever it took. When my DS was tiny I was very conscious that my ndn had a daughter doing GCSEs who's room was next to DS so I would take him downstairs when he cried to minimise noise, it's just being considerate to others.

Move if you can Op they sounds like nightmares!

There is no way that I could 1- rearrange my house to mitigate the problem 2- sound proof, as it isn't only one room affected.
I feel completely helpless with the situation. Normal parenting techniques don't work.
I just try and spent a lot of time outside.

My guess is the child doesn't have SN otherwise the parents would have told OP, because it's not normal for a child to be screaming like this at night. Suggest, like others have, that you contact SS and let them investigate - the referral might encourage the parents to do something too. Sounds like they swan off to their loft conversion and leave the child distressed in their room which is just not on.

It's neither ignorance nor arrogance. It's just my reality.

Everyday my son gets up before six and crashes around, shouting and screaming, wakes us and his sister.

Everyday I say "it's too early to get up, we have neighbours, be quiet" etc , me and my husband take it in turns to keep him in his bed room until after 7, we don't go through to kitchen until 730, as that's involves going above my neighbours bedroom. It's really hard, and everyday my son still doesn't listen and runs about the house being noisy at some point. I still try everyday though, but it doesn't work. Not that I will stop trying.

There's not always a solution. People do try . No amount of calling SS, the council etc can change reality.