To rehome a dog when DH doesn't like dogs

[butterflyparadise]

Please help me. I have 2 other threads running about this through a couple of stages of my situation.

Long story short (more background in my other threads) I had a dog with my ex, Bella, she is a cross breed who is approx 12. Ex kept her but now he's moved abroad with work and can't take her which was the original plan. Bella has been in kennels for a few months.

My DH and I have preschool twins and a cat. I have exhausted all rehoming options with friends/family. I had hurdles to overcome before I could consider rehoming her myself.

I love this dog, she was my baby. DH does not like dogs. He listened to me and how I felt about Bella and her situation. Taking her ourselves wasn't a distinct possibility until now. So we've not needed to have a proper chat about it as all the obstacles were reasons not to take her. These have all been sorted, we could take her.

DH has now said he doesn't want to. He says we're on complete opposites about it. I like dogs, he doesn't. I have an emotional attachment to her, he doesn't. He doesn't like the noise, the clattering of claws on laminate, the barking goes right through him, being tied to having to get back to a dog etc. The walks, the extra responsibility etc. I see these as things we just have to deal with and overcome.

He says he'd do it but only because he knows it would make me happy.

He's stressed at work and in general, he's been pretty miserable lately as a whole.

Now I'm in limbo. We wouldn't be taking right away, there would be a transitional period for everyone to get used to everyone and she would stay in kennels until then.

I've asked if we could take her as an interim and see if we could rehome her to someone else but at least getting her out of kennels. And with me secretly hoping DH would let us keep her.... He replied that I wouldn't want to give her up.

AIBU to take her despite DH's feelings?

Jemima runs a group I'm a member of, campaigning for the responsible use of flat faced dogs in advertising. She's very passionate about welfare and if for whatever reason it doesn't work out (I'm sure it will but forewarned is forearmed) I'm sure she will be able to help. Wishing you all the luck in the world with Bella. I can't wait to see pictures!

I have been reading and waiting to hear about Bella and so pleased she is coming to live with you. I like dogs and have looked after many in over the years for family and friends in their homes but never wanted one in my home.
I am more of a horse person myself and I have had a horse in my kitchen!!lol
But I would have a dog if my partner was in the same situation as yourself because of the unique situation.
So happy that it has turned out well for you all and Bella

Do consider posting a pic if Bella is snoozing on his lap at Christmas, won't you? You can always cover his face with a paper crown!

My sister always thought she hated cats until she started dating a man with a cat who had to move in because there was nowhere else for her. She had that cat for several years longer than she had the man!

YABU

I assure you that you can be a dog lover and have a sense of proportion (unlike a lot of posters here). I do believe that the dutmost we have to animals is that they are not cruelly treated. That's it. I'don't be interested to know where posters who think this shocking draw the line on this. Are you vegans? Do you wear woolen clothes (sheep hate being shorn). Or does just apply to dogs and cats?

What I don't get is why it's always a given for the non-dog person to get their way.

It's not just with dogs; in any situation like this the "no" wins. If you want a child and your spouse doesn't, you don't get to override him and have one anyway. Your asking this person to take responsibility for another living thing. It's not right to force him/her to do that if they don't want to.

You're

It's not just with dogs; in any situation like this the "no" wins. If you want a child and your spouse doesn't, you don't get to override him and have one anyway.

It's not equivalent. The dog is already here and is a responsibility she originally took on. It's more similar to saying that a spouse shouldn't have to live with a child she had in a previous marriage who had been living with their other parent.

I do believe that the dutmost we have to animals is that they are not cruelly treated. That's it.

Yes, that's what you believe. Others - like me - believe that when you take on an animal they become family. The OP took on his cat, he can take on her elderly dog. And he (provisionally) has anyway.

Really pleased dh has agreed to give it a go.
Think if things don't go well and/or he cat really doesn't like her there is another conversation to be had but fingers crossed it won't come to that!

@honeyroar

I do agree and I actually think that in this situation taking the dog was the right thing to do. I would hate to see any animal suffer regardless of my personal preference.

I just find the extreme side of it baffling. The ‘oh I love my dog more than my kids’ type or the people who react as if you were spawned from Satan’s bollocks just because you don’t like dogs. Or the ones who assume you will love THEIR dog. Or you must be scared of them because what other reason could their POSSIBLY be.

No other animal envokes this kind of response. I find it really odd

I'm really pleased for you OP. I really hope that it all works out for you all. And well done to your DH for realising what this means to you and for doing the right thing. All the best

No other animal envokes this kind of response. I find it really odd
Exactly.

Agree with you, lucy, and yes, I am vegan. It's weird how these people go all crazy over one dog, and gladly chow down on corpses day in and day out. But one dog, who has had 12 good years gets lots of sympathy. People consider it cruel to leave a dog in kennels, and don't care about all the millions of animals on farms, getting fattened up for the abattoir. Weird, eh.

When I got with dh he had a dog I just couldn't love. I like small fluffy shitzu type dogs. This was a staffs.
I had a small fluffy Persian cat. He didn't like cats
We got them both rehomed. As much as I like cats and some dogs we've agreed no pets.
Not fair on the pets we gave away.

We couldn't trust the dog not to get my cat. It was an awful and very sad time but because of our love for each other and wanting to be together as a couple. It was something we had to do.
None of my children would take the cat, much as they loved her. 😥

I also think I've reached a point in my life where I no longer want to clean litter trays, scoop poop.

Is Bella home yet?

Sorry haven't updated since I was last on.

Bella is coming tomorrow morning for good. She's been for a few visits and has certainly made herself at home!

She's booked into the groomers tomorrow afternoon as she's a bit smelly and matted after her stint in the kennels

Has your DH warmed up to her more do you think?

Fab news! Good on your Dh! I'm sure she'll settle in quickly!
It'd be lovely to see a picture of her at home!

Brilliant news!

Good luck for tomorrow.

Fantastic news!

@RandomMess Not really Although when Bella's visited and DH has been in you really wouldn't know he's not a fan of dogs! He hides it very well so you never know, he may come round....

She's only met the cat once so far and it went as well as could be expected. Pretty textbook really from what I'd read. A lot less stressful than I'd imagined. I think I'd got myself worked up though about DH's concerns over it.

I will def post pics when she's home for good! Thanks for all your good wishes and allowing me to talk it through with you all! Bella thanks you too ❤

Yeah! If she's a typical Flatcoat personality she will be fine with the cat. I've had 7 and only one was not a cat lover . Fantastic news.

First day was a success! Visit to the groomers, walks, cuddles, games. Much of the same today!