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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dd threw sisters' shoes away WWYD

81 replies

Newuser101 · 05/09/2017 00:37

On holiday with DH, our 3 DDs - DD1 (6), DTs (4) and my parents. Went to a local town and flip flops were on sale so my DM bought each girl a new pair, everyone over the moon put them straight on.

We went for lunch and the girls wanted to play in the square next to the restaurant so we let them (in full view of us). Never noticed that DD3 came running back to eat without flip flops on.

When we came to leave, DD3 said she'd taken her shoes off and left them on a bench "over there" and pointed to a stone bench about 20 yds away. I was cross and shouted her that she shouldn't have taken them off and went with her to get them. They were nowhere to be seen.

We scoured the area but couldn't find them. Her twin (DD2) then told me that she had hidden them by putting them in the bin Shock We scoured the bins and still couldn't find them but all the bin bags seemed quite new so could be that the bins had been replaced whilst we ate lunch (I didn't see).

I didn't know who to punish - all 3 girls were gutted and crying. I wasn't quite sure what the whole truth was - if DD2 was just saying about the bins so DD3 wouldn't be in so much trouble.

We went straight to the car and drove 30 minutes back to hotel without going to the park as we had previously promised them.

My Dad has now said tonight that my children are unruly and have no discipline and it wouldn't have happened in his day and if I'd have "pulled a stunt like that I'd have got a clip round the ear". I'm gutted. I was at a loss how to deal with today - there were 4 adults there and feel like I'm the one getting the blame for how I dealt with it.

AIBU? WWYD?

OP posts:
TitaniasCloset · 05/09/2017 00:41

I think you dealt with things just fine. Bit unfair for everyone to be blaming you. It's just flip flops though, hopefully tomorrow will be a better day and you can all have fun and forget the flip flops episode.

wonderingsoul · 05/09/2017 00:43

Way over reaction on your dads behalf imo

iamapixiebutnotaniceone · 05/09/2017 00:44

You deal with your children as you see fit. I'm sure they'd have something to say if you did give them 'a clip round the ear' too!
I know you don't think it's funny now but I do, I also think that one day looking back you and your children will laugh about the day DD ended up with no shoes because of a prank gone wrong Wink

AnnieAnoniMouse · 05/09/2017 00:45

They're kids. They're 6 & 4. They're bound to do the odd stupid thing.

I would have explained that it was a very stupid thing to have done, said no ice cream for any of them tonight, then gone and replaced them. They're flip flops not the Crown Jewels. It's not fair for one of them to miss out because the other one hid them in a stupid place. If it was impossible to replace them, then if they fit, the one doing the hiding would be giving hers to the other one,

Your dad is out of line.

Tomorrow is a new day.

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 05/09/2017 00:45

Shit happens! I expect that they will not do it again, and at least it was just flip flops, not brand new expensive shoes.
Chill out, put it down to experience and move on.
Losing her new flip flops is punishment enough, especially if it was because her sister "hid" them - you'll never know exactly what happened but you're on holiday and it's hardly the end of the world.

lindylove14 · 05/09/2017 00:46

Blimey; she's 4, it was an accident and you've lost a pair of flip flops. It's not the end of the world. It was silly behaviour, but not worth causing a row over.

iamapixiebutnotaniceone · 05/09/2017 00:46

And two 4 year olds and a 6 year old are going to be a bit unruly!

zzzzz · 05/09/2017 00:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

notangelinajolie · 05/09/2017 00:47

Don't buy another pair. Take DD2's flip flops off her and give them to DD3. She should not have put them in the bin. Why was DD1 crying?

NikiBabe · 05/09/2017 00:49

Aw bless her.

They are very young. I would buy her a new pair and say this time be careful with what you have. I dont know what happened to the last pair but if you lose another pair you wont get anymore.

They're on holiday. I'd cut them slack. Your dad sounds too harsh.

SofiaAmes · 05/09/2017 00:50

If they were "in full view" how could you miss shoes being put in a bin? I am thinking there is something missing to this story.

Pallisers · 05/09/2017 00:53

God I wouldn't have gotten at all engaged about a pair of flip-flops on holiday tbh. Would have maybe said "you are very silly and no you have no flip flops and I don't know if I will let anyone buy you a present in this holiday if this is how you behave" and then moved on.

I would have asked my dad did he want to administer a belt on the ear to a 4 year old for losing a flip flop and looked hard at him. But then my lovely dad would have been saying "its only a flip flop, she's a lovely kid, forget it"

DopeOnARope · 05/09/2017 00:54

For all anyone knows some one else could have nicked them.

I doubt anyone emptied tne bins: if the girls were in full view so were tne bins.

Fancy ruining your lunch and a nice afternoon and everyone crying and rowing over a pair of flip flops.

SamoyedSam · 05/09/2017 00:55

Jesus! Check your dad out Confused?!

This is what I'd do: Accept that hiding a pair of shoes in the bin as a prank (as opposed to a malicious act) certainly isn't unruly or horrendous behaviour for a 4 year old...they're not generally known for their impulse control or their carefully developed sense of cause, effect and consequence Grin. Then I'd comfort all 3 crying girls and have a chat about making better decisions next time. Then I'd take them to the park Grin! Then I'd tell my dad that his suggesting using physical chastisement in the form of hitting kids around the ear is way worse than some innocent prank gone wrong, and that the next time he implies that I should hit my kids will be the last time he sees us for a good long spell. And also tell him that some bint off mumsnet thinks he's a dickhead!!

Original poster
Newuser101 · 05/09/2017 00:58

Thank you all for your responses you've made me feel so much better as I've been questioning myself for the past couple of hours.

They are a bit unruly when all together it's pretty exhausting keeping all 3 in line all the time to my parents standards.

@sofiaames nothing missing from the story we were keeping an eye on them playing whilst reading menu / chatting. Like I said I'm not 100% convinced that DD2 did put them in the bin, she may well have done but equally could've been saying that as she saw I was cross with DD3.

DD1 was crying because she's a sensitive soul and crying because her sisters shoes were lost and on their own!

OP posts:
CorbynsBumFlannel · 05/09/2017 00:58

Massive overreaction on everyone's part. She may well have just lost them. Careless maybe but not deserving of being shouted at. Poor girl!

DopeOnARope · 05/09/2017 00:59

Them all crying and your worry that DD2 made up the bin story so that her sister wouldn't be in 'so much trouble' worries me. And you shouting at her. She is 4. All she had done was remove her shoes and go barefoot and then find her shoes were missing.

Why would she be 'in so much trouble '?

What does your DH make of all this?

Original poster
Newuser101 · 05/09/2017 00:59

@samoyedsam Grin

OP posts:
EvilDoctorBallerinaDuckKeidis · 05/09/2017 01:00

If I couldn't afford to replace them I'd try to hide my upset and explain that we couldn't afford to buy any more. If I could I'd tell all three of them that under no circumstances was it allowed to happen again, and replace them.

NikiBabe · 05/09/2017 01:01

DD1 was crying because she's a sensitive soul and crying because her sisters shoes were lost and on their own!

Oh that is just gorgeous. She was upset that the shoes were all alone and abandoned. So cute.

minisoksmakehardwork · 05/09/2017 01:04

OP I utterly feel your pain of twins and older siblings 2 years apart - mine are now 5,5,7 and 9. The twins do cover for each other, or deny all responsibility equally. And then there are times when they will cheerfully hang each other out to dry.

So they lost a pair of flip flops. It happens, they are little, on holiday and excited. I presume you ate lunch in the same town as the flip flops were bought so DD wasn't actually shoeless?

Are any of the girls the same shoe size?

SoftKittySillyKitty · 05/09/2017 01:05

I think you dealt with it fine OP. Your dad on the other hand...

MadamePomfrey · 05/09/2017 01:07

What did DD1 do wrong?? At 6 she is to young to be responsible for DTs! 4 is very young I think to understand taking shoes off/hiding shoes and the potential consequences!!

The adults are the only ones who have any responsibility and by that as you said there were 4 adults not just you! No one saw d3 take her shoes off no one saw dd2 put them in the bin!! I don't think the are unruly from what you have said. It was a mistake they happen. The only thing to take from this IMO is the whole thing happened and no one saw!

NikiBabe · 05/09/2017 01:08

Never noticed that DD3 came running back to eat without flip flops on.

So she had taken them off, ran back to eat and when you left, they'd gone. She took her shoes off to play bare foot and forgot to put them on again and someone maybe took the abandoned shoes.

I wouldn't have gone looking in bins.

I suspect the girls made up stories as they knew an explanation would be wanted and they didnt have one, they just misplaced them.

I dont get why parents go nuts about the smallest things. I remember losing a new pair of gloves at school the first day I wore them. I have no idea how I or where I lost them to this day. My mum went bananas over it. Came into the school, asked me question after question. Bottom line I lost them and I didnt know how.

Adults lose stuff all the time. But children are somehow expected to be held accountable to a much higher degree.

abbey44 · 05/09/2017 01:18

Your DF seems a little over-dramatic over a pair of flip-flops. It's not the end of the world.

And, to prove him wrong, back in the early '60s (so probably "in his day" or thereabouts) my little sister chucked her brand new pair of summer sandals over the railings and into the sea in full view of everyone with a proud shout of "Oosh. Gone!" (she couldn't say "shoes" at that point). It happened then, it happens now, it'll likely happen in the future. Meh. Let it go.