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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dd threw sisters' shoes away WWYD

81 replies

Newuser101 · 05/09/2017 00:37

On holiday with DH, our 3 DDs - DD1 (6), DTs (4) and my parents. Went to a local town and flip flops were on sale so my DM bought each girl a new pair, everyone over the moon put them straight on.

We went for lunch and the girls wanted to play in the square next to the restaurant so we let them (in full view of us). Never noticed that DD3 came running back to eat without flip flops on.

When we came to leave, DD3 said she'd taken her shoes off and left them on a bench "over there" and pointed to a stone bench about 20 yds away. I was cross and shouted her that she shouldn't have taken them off and went with her to get them. They were nowhere to be seen.

We scoured the area but couldn't find them. Her twin (DD2) then told me that she had hidden them by putting them in the bin We scoured the bins and still couldn't find them but all the bin bags seemed quite new so could be that the bins had been replaced whilst we ate lunch (I didn't see).

I didn't know who to punish - all 3 girls were gutted and crying. I wasn't quite sure what the whole truth was - if DD2 was just saying about the bins so DD3 wouldn't be in so much trouble.

We went straight to the car and drove 30 minutes back to hotel without going to the park as we had previously promised them.

My Dad has now said tonight that my children are unruly and have no discipline and it wouldn't have happened in his day and if I'd have "pulled a stunt like that I'd have got a clip round the ear". I'm gutted. I was at a loss how to deal with today - there were 4 adults there and feel like I'm the one getting the blame for how I dealt with it.

AIBU? WWYD?

OP posts:

PsammeadPaintedTheLion · 05/09/2017 09:04

Just buy some more flip flops, tell her it's her last chance to look after them properly, and remind them all about not losing stuff.

19lottie82 · 05/09/2017 09:04

Wow, seems like a bit of an over reaction! Kids make silly decisions, but is a pair of cheap kids flip flops really worth all this stress and upset?
Surely a serious chat about looking after their (and each other's things) would have sufficed, unless events like these are a regular occurrence?

diddl · 05/09/2017 09:05

Op, you sound about as dramatic as your dad tbh.

"I was cross and shouted her that she shouldn't have taken them off and went with her to get them.

I didn't know who to punish - all 3 girls were gutted and crying. I wasn't quite sure what the whole truth was - if DD2 was just saying about the bins so DD3 wouldn't be in so much trouble."

Good grief-she's 4! & it was flip flops!

She still had the shoes that she had taken off to wear.

4 adults & no one noticed that she had taken them off!!

I lost a pair of FFs, so I bought myself a new pair.

Actually, I hadn't even lost the first pair-they were somewhere but I just cba to look for them.

So I've got 2prs now!

user1493059174 · 05/09/2017 09:07

Goodness me - major over reaction from everyone - all over a pair of flip flops?! Good luck with the teenage years!!

Hoppinggreen · 05/09/2017 09:10

I probably would have shrugged and gone to get some more ( or wouldn't because I wouldn't let dc of that age wear flip flops in the first place)
I would also have told my dad that I didn't hit my children

livefornaps · 05/09/2017 09:27

If none of the adults saw the child take off her shoes/hide them/come back without them then all 4 of you were not paying enough attention to the kids and all 4 of you are to blame. Even if the wee girl came running up with no shoes, had you noticed immediately then you would have been able to find them.

Four pairs of eyes watching and none of you noticed! And then you lay the blame with the kids. If you shout that much, you create kids who are too scared to take responsibility or try anything new because they will worry about messing up so they'd rather stay with what's "safe". Rather than learning that when bad stuff happens, we pick ourselves up and keep going. And of course: it's just things.

It sounds like your dad has completely forgotten what it was like to be a parent and you should tell him so. Does that mean you got a clip round the ear when you were little?

emmyrose2000 · 05/09/2017 09:29

My Dad has now said tonight that my children are unruly and have no discipline and it wouldn't have happened in his day and if I'd have "pulled a stunt like that I'd have got a clip round the ear

Your dad is 100% in the wrong and needs to get a grip and grow up. Does he always over react to (minor) things? Was he a tyrant during your childhood, or is that more recent?

I don't understand why the six year old was punished too. She didn't do anything wrong. She sounds lovely and empathetic.

This is such an over reaction to something minor that a FOUR year old did.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 05/09/2017 09:30

I'd tell them that they must never ever throw away their shoes and then I would buy a replacement pair

Totally agree with zzzz - they are cheap enough, the kids were playing, not being spiteful - it was mischief and not meanness, and they have learned a lesson.

Let it go. It's a pair of cheap shoes and apart from the fact that you couldn't take them to the park because one child had no shoes on her feet, it's no great loss.

They won't do it again, so don't let anyone try to make them feel as though they are responsible for war in the middle east or something.

Bekabeech · 05/09/2017 09:33

The one who is in the wrong is your Dad.
Unless these were gold plated flip flops then I think it is a bit of an over reaction.

One of my DDs once put her new school shoes away "safely" because she was so proud of them. Then promptly forgot what she had done. When we came to look for them for shoes we couldn't find them. We pulled the house appart. We then got special permission for her to wear "non standard shoes" to school (actually for the rest of the summer term as I wasn't going to buy more new ones incase her feet grew).
We found them six months later in a toy suitcase - by now too small and replaced.

Kids do silly things.

I would just point out the dangers of taking off shoes when playing in a strange place. That "bins" aren't suitable places to hide things, and move one.

Did your Father hit you/frighten you as a child? If not I would point this out to him. If he did then realise maybe he isn't the best role model for parenting.

thecatsthecats · 05/09/2017 09:33

Gosh, I remember my mum getting really angry when I was running and I fell and tore my 'new' (actually charity shop) trousers, and put a bloody great dent in myself at the same time. I was 8ish, and I was very upset that my mum was more bothered about the trousers than me.

I threw a pair of shoes out of a train door just before it moved off aged about 2.5, because I wanted new ones. I didn't appreciate that it would be a bit tricky to buy new ones in Budapest pre-Google.

For some reason, my mum likes to snigger about the first story as if she did nothing wrong, whereas the second story is something she finds funny.

OP - if your kids still remember this twenty years later like the first story, you'll know you overreacted!

KidLorneRoll · 05/09/2017 09:33

A pair of flip flops costs what, £5-£10 at most?

Just get another pair and forget about it. Things get lost and no need to sour a holiday mood with something so utterly trivial.

Coffeetasteslikeshit · 05/09/2017 09:34

Agree with the majority, a lot of drama over not a lot.

MoonfaceAndSilky · 05/09/2017 09:34

I didn't know who to punish - all 3 girls were gutted and crying

I must be really lax in my parenting skills. This exact same thing happened with my boys a few years ago, except it was one croc that was thrown hidden, we were on the beach and we found the shoe - floating out to sea! After telling ds it was a silly thing to do and trying to paddle out to get it, we gave up and all stood on the beach trying to see who could spot it. We still talk about it now, and I can still see that orange croc bobbing over to France.
I find it sad that your girls were all crying - over a pair of flip flops

Pepsipig · 05/09/2017 09:36

Wow massive overreaction from everyone! Personally I would have just bought another pair and told them to take extra care of them. Then got on with the day and gone to the park. It's a shame your whole day was ruined over a pair of flipflops!!!

RB68 · 05/09/2017 09:37

My DD who is 12 had a similar incident and it has become known as the "Day the Sea stole my Flip Flops"

She had removed them to paddle and left them on the shoreline with incoming tide - of course by the time she returned....

It happens they are just flip flops - v annoying but not deliberate. A bit daft but then grown people who act as couriers store parcels in bins and think thats OK

ChicRock · 05/09/2017 09:40

^I didn't know who to punish - all 3 girls were gutted and crying. I wasn't quite sure what the whole truth was - if DD2 was just saying about the bins so DD3 wouldn't be in so much trouble.

We went straight to the car and drove 30 minutes back to hotel without going to the park as we had previously promised them.

My Dad has now said tonight that my children are unruly and have no discipline and it wouldn't have happened in his day and if I'd have "pulled a stunt like that I'd have got a clip round the ear"^

Christ you all sound like an incredibly highly strung bunch of people, every single one of you.

Chill the fuck out, you're on holiday, it was a pair of flip flops.

LaughingElliot · 05/09/2017 09:41

Seriously I'd have just bought new ones because kids do silly things and ultimately I'd want them to have a happy holiday instead of spending it crying and being yelled at. Over flip flops.

This is so not worth the drama.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 05/09/2017 09:48

Your dad's a bit of an arse, isn't he.
Mine's the same.
Every time my 4yo puts a toe wrong, I get a look and a sigh that says quite effectively "Well I wouldn't have put up with that from you". Well for starters, you weren't around us as kids as much as you think you were; and for seconds, no, we probably DIDN'T play up much for fear of getting smacked. However, that hasn't really improved our relationship with him much. :(

PlasticPatty · 05/09/2017 09:49

Goodness. This is no big deal. The children played. One took her shoes off, one hid them, they can't be found. Answer, buy more.
Your children aren't bad, they're babies. I'm glad you're feeling better about that. And you have three small ones in one house - no matter how quiet and biddable they are, sometimes it is going to seem like they are 'unruly' just because there are three small children together.
I'm incredibly reasonable now I'm a grandma and no small child depends on me. My dd would tell you I'd have given her the telling off of a lifetime if she'd lost her shoes as a child (we did lose shoes. I lost hers). But from the point of view of someone thirty years down the line - don't listen to your dad. You are doing a wonderful job and your children sound adorable. Cuddle your babies and be happy. That's what matters.

LespritDescalier · 05/09/2017 09:52

the girls wanted to play in the square next to the restaurant so we let them (in full view of us). Never noticed that DD3 came running back to eat without flip flops on

They may have been in full view, but you weren't paying much attention to them. The kids were being silly as kids are, but you were the one who didn't notice them taking off shoes, putting them in bins, wandering about without shoes on, and not wearing them for long enough for the bins to be emptied.
I wouldn't punish them, I'd be telling myself I should be watching my kids more closely.

SootSprite · 05/09/2017 09:56

What concerns me is the total over-reaction going on. Kids do silly things, like hide flip flops. Why do you think one dd felt like she had to deflect blame away from her sister? I'd be worried that they were so scared. You went mad, your parents went mad...over a pair of flip flops.
Debating who to punish the most, your children being gutted...over a pair of flip flops.

Are your children often so deeply upset and scared of your reaction?

Oliversmumsarmy · 05/09/2017 09:57

All this drama over a couple of quid.

At the end of the holiday which will have cost a damn site more what will be their over riding memory?
Happy times and a laugh at when 4year old lost her shoes because her ds hid them in a public waste bin or stressed out trying to conform to their grandfather's impossible standards and getting told off and upset over a pair of flip flops

jonsnowsbuttocks · 05/09/2017 10:02

You did absolutely fine. The were all punished by not getting to the park so regardless of what the honest truth is they will unlikely do it again. Your dad was out of line but unfortunately you will hear that day in and day out that how you did something parenting wise was wrong. Smile and wave, you are doing great.

Joinourclub · 05/09/2017 10:06

I think you need to relax and enjoy your holiday and parent your kids how you want to, not how your parents want you to. Hell, its holidays, you don't even have to parent to your usual standards let alone your parents!

apostropheuse · 05/09/2017 10:07

Your father sounds like a complete horse's arse. You haven't come out of this well either, but I can kind of understand as you have obviously been exposed to his parenting style.

All the adults concerned seem to have completely over reacted over some flip flops, which to be honest aren't even suitable for small children to run around in playing. I'm shocked that they were shouted at, never got their ice cream AND weren't taken to the park as promised. Totallt disproportionate response.

They're little more than babies really.

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