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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be jealous of Kate and Wills *self pity*

89 replies

AliceScarlett · 04/09/2017 11:14

Today marks the 25th cycle of DH and I trying to conceive. Nearly 2 years now and I'm losing hope. So I'm feeling sorry for myself and to make things worse Kate is all over my FB feed with her 3rd child.
Of course everyone at work is pregnant too.
I know self pity isn't helpful, I know feeling sorry for myself isn't wise, I know not being strong and resilient is only making this worse.
I hate feeling jealous because I also feel angry at myself and guilty for feeling jealous.
So I spend time moaning on the internet Confused

OP posts:
SciFiFan2015 · 04/09/2017 11:18

You have an impressive level of self-awareness and resilience.
Moan away - it's better to get that stuff out rather than letting it stew away inside you.
Any other words feel useless so I hope you're plans and dreams can come true.

FortyFacedFuckers · 04/09/2017 11:19

It's hard, I have been ttc for 10 years and my sister has recently announced another unplanned pregnancy. It's very difficult when everyone else seems to fall pregnant at the drop of a hat.

SleepFreeZone · 04/09/2017 11:20

I totally understand. Kate is always announcing a pregnancy when I'm losing mine so I'm used to it now. She seems a lovely lady though so I wish her all the best.

ScipioAfricanus · 04/09/2017 11:28

You're not the only one. I'm lucky enough to have one DC through fertility treatment but would have loved two. It just feels particularly galling given that Kate gets to be rich, pretty, thin and have three children when I have not got any of the three former attributes and my one child! (Obviously I know I'm very lucky as it is) It causes a pang to see such news and you know it will be coming up on the news a lot whereas with a neighbour or friend it's less in your face. As long as I don't actually act in a negative way I allow myself to have this kind of feeling and find it subsides a bit better for not trying in vain to repress it. I too hope for good things for anyone who is feeling a bit 'oh for fuck's same...' about this popping up in Facebook etc.

Original poster
AliceScarlett · 04/09/2017 11:29

Maybe I should start announcing my period on FB to help other barren people I know feel better Grin

OP posts:
BunnyBunnyMooseMoose · 04/09/2017 11:30

YANBU. And you sound lovely. Flowers

awifeyforlifey · 04/09/2017 11:33

I'm sorry, I didn't even know about the new royal baby, but I can't imagine. Flowers

Spuddington · 04/09/2017 11:35
Flowers

Their first pregnancy coincided with mine after a long battle of TTC. Sadly I lost mine.

I have one DC and I'm so lucky after years of losses.

You don't have to be strong all the time.

ScarlettInSpace · 04/09/2017 11:36

Ah I know how you feel OP, I'm currently 20 wks pg after 6 years TTC, this is the first public figure pregnancy announcement I haven't felt bitter about since, well, about 6 years Blush

I did smile at the idea of announcing monthly non-pregnancy news Wink

Neutrogena · 04/09/2017 11:38

Stay off FB - it seems to bring nothing but misery to folks on here.

These feelings will pass eventually.

OuchBollocks · 04/09/2017 11:40
Flowers

Prince George was born shortly before I had a MMC with the baby I had tried 2 years for. I think I was going in for my EPRC the day the first official pictures came out . It is rather galling.

(I now have 2 lovely DC but am still not thin or rich!)

redexpat · 04/09/2017 11:40

Oh that is rubbish Im sorry Flowers

Greenleavesincolour · 04/09/2017 11:43

Yea I feel really upset. Had a mc earlier this year and now my husband has developped some ED issues so conceiving is unlikely. Just a bad day today.

BadgersBum · 04/09/2017 11:44

It is so hard, I'm lucky I have one DS (fell pregnant within a drop of a hat of getting married/trying so lulled me into a false sense of reality). After 9 years of nothing but raised hopes and mc I've come to terms with the fact that he will be an only child, but it still doesn't completely take away the twinge of envy every time another friend announces she's pregnant.

Before I accepted that it wasn't going to happen, I'd get through it by reminding myself that they're not having MY baby, there isn't a finite number of children and they're somehow using up my chance.

I do like the idea of an 'I'm not pregnant', in fact I will be using this;

To be jealous of Kate and Wills *self pity*
SilverBirchTree · 04/09/2017 11:44

I'm sorry. Hang in there Flowers

And don't blame yourself for feeling the way you do

TizzyDongue · 04/09/2017 11:45

You're not being unreasonable in any shape or form as you are more than aware of other people will carry on without a care in a part of your life that is utter despairing for you.

You are absolutely allowed to mourn your 25 losses of hope. Absolutely. That's where the anger and jealousy comes from: doesn't make you a bad person.

BadgersBum · 04/09/2017 11:45

I'll try again WITH the attachment!

To be jealous of Kate and Wills *self pity*
dietcokeandwine · 04/09/2017 11:45

Aw OP Sad you moan away. 'Tis what an Internet forum is for.

Infertility is shit.

Flowers
DeadButDelicious · 04/09/2017 11:47

We lost our first daughter at 20 weeks. She would be the same age as Charlotte. I always get a pang of sadness when I see her. It's like looking at what might have been. Very hard.

Flowers for you Alice.

simonthedog · 04/09/2017 11:48

I feel really sorry for you, however you don't actually know that she hasn't being trying to conceive since immediately after Charlotte was born or that she hasn't had miscarriages in between. Flowers

Orangebird69 · 04/09/2017 11:48

Maybe I should start announcing my period on FB to help other barren people I know feel better

Lol, that's the spirit OP GrinFlowers

FlipperSkipper · 04/09/2017 11:49

I get you. I've been TTC since their wedding, my son was born in January this year after my 5th ivf cycle. It's ok to feel sad and jealous.

Jjpeston · 04/09/2017 11:49

Anyone who isn't sympathetic to you has a heart of stone. I'm really sorry, constantly having to be happy for others is such a drain. I have a friend who was trying for 7 years and just got pregnant - don't give up hope. Keep you health good, try to relax, and never lose hope. x

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 04/09/2017 11:50

I'd get through it by reminding myself that they're not having MY baby, there isn't a finite number of children and they're somehow using up my chance.

I used to use that notion to cope too Badgers, it really helped me get through some tough times. I'm now lucky enough to have 7 week old DS after 3+ years ttc, conceived on my 3rd cycle of IVF with ICSI.

OP, have you been over to the Infertility Boards? I found a lot of helpful support there. Flowers for you, infertility is shit.

PollyFlint · 04/09/2017 11:53

Oh god, that must be incredibly hard. All credit to you for acknowledging that's inevitable to feel this way sometimes, too - you sound lovely. Flowers

Sometimes, even though the rational part of you knows that people have every right to be pleased and talk about things like pregnancies, weddings, financial windfalls and other big happy life events, it's just impossible not to feel secretly sad or jealous if you're the one who is trying to conceive/has just been dumped/is eaten up with stress over massive debts/whatever.

Best of luck with your journey - I have no doubt that you will get there x

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