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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be jealous of Kate and Wills *self pity*

89 replies

AliceScarlett · 04/09/2017 11:14

Today marks the 25th cycle of DH and I trying to conceive. Nearly 2 years now and I'm losing hope. So I'm feeling sorry for myself and to make things worse Kate is all over my FB feed with her 3rd child.
Of course everyone at work is pregnant too.
I know self pity isn't helpful, I know feeling sorry for myself isn't wise, I know not being strong and resilient is only making this worse.
I hate feeling jealous because I also feel angry at myself and guilty for feeling jealous.
So I spend time moaning on the internet Confused

OP posts:
Fletchasaurus · 05/09/2017 07:17

I got the 'haha no baby for you this month' yesterday, the day she announced it. I'm only at about 10 months of trying but I constantly have the laugh and smile at the "when are you going to have kids". I locked myself in the toilets at work and cried.

SageYourResoluteOracle · 05/09/2017 07:23

I too felt a pang. I'm fortunate enough to have DD6 after donor egg ivf but knowing that there won't ever be any more children (we were turned down for adoption last year too... that's a whole other thread) makes every pregnancy announcement sting.

Flowers for you, OP

RedBlackberries · 05/09/2017 07:28

Oh alice you don't have to be all 'stiff upper lip' about it. It's shit and when someone is pregnant in the media it's shitter and I don't know why.

I tried for ages with my first and it took a couple of years. Everyone around me was getting pregnant and I just didn't want to see them. And all the helpful fucking annoying advice on how to conceive drove me mad. Now I had unprotected sex once in July and I got pregnant! Fertility is a weird thing and it's full of surprises!! Flowers

mynameisnotmichaelcaine · 05/09/2017 07:35

That's shit for you, I'm so sorry.

Neutrogena · 05/09/2017 07:37

@RedBlack

I had unprotected sex once in July and I got pregnant!

Doesn't sound like you had fertility issues at all.

hippyhippyshake · 05/09/2017 07:44

I had multiple miscarriages around the time of William and Harry's births. We were abroad at the time of Harry's birth and I was thankful as it made it so much easier with no newspapers and tv coverage. Moan away op. I wish we'd have had the Internet then, you would realise you are not alone. I remember just being so envious of Diana and internalised a lot of bitterness. When you are TTC, 'everyone you know' is pregnant. I even remember being jealous of Sally and Gail on Corrie having their babies when it should have been me having mine. It's normal to feel this way Flowers

LisaSimpsonsbff · 05/09/2017 07:45

I'm really sorry, OP. I heard the news while listening to the radio as I drove to the recurrent miscarriage clinic, so I also had a 'oh, fuck right off' reaction! I've struggled a lot with feelings of jealousy and resentment - so much, in fact, that I wrote into the Guardian problem column in a moment of madness/needing to unburden. Her reply came last week, so sharing it in case it is helpful for anyone else struggling with these feelings: www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/aug/25/after-three-miscarriages-im-becoming-jealous-and-resentful-of-my-pregnant-friends

RedBlackberries · 05/09/2017 07:56

neutrogena I definetly did first time around. I didn't ovulate much.

kateandme · 05/09/2017 08:01

its ok to feel hun.noone would resent you of that.your not being horrible to them or shouting horribleness towards those pregnant you simply feeling your own very reasonable pain at the reminders or feeling this topic brings.and that's painful.
I think anyone other than those who have or had experienced it will ever truly no the loss and how the smallest thing can set you off on a crying spiral.but that's ok. there is nothing like it.i would never wish it on my worst enemy.no berate them for not knowig the level of pain it brings. but let people be there for you either here or in rl.plenty of sympathy can be given without having personal knowledge of these things.have you a friend or do who can give you big hugs.
its ok for them and others to be happy just likes its ok for you to be sad.
have a big sobbing session.with lots of snot and pillow hugging and yelling.let yourself breathe and grief.release it.its ok.
we are all here for you too.

TheFirstMrsDV · 05/09/2017 08:13

Just wanted to leave some Flowers for you here.
Infertility is not something I have had to suffer so I cannot know how you feel.
I have had a major life event which does draw comparison ie. the stupid things people say, the ignorance etc.
I recognise some of the feelings and 'jolts'.

I just wish you could all get what you want. Don't feel bad about anything you feel toward the infuriatingly fertile.

Hope that doesn't sound patronising. Its not meant to.

AccrualIntentions · 05/09/2017 08:15

Thanks for sharing that link lisasimpsonsbff - I have 2 good friends who have been going through multiple miscarriages over the past year, and I'm the one currently pregnant. I remember how much insensitive or flippant comments hurt me when we were TTC for years, so am trying to be sensitive and make sure I dont say it do anything to make their pain more difficult. It's really helpful to read a perspective from the other side.

LittleLionMansMummy · 05/09/2017 08:16

Completely understand how you feel ok and I'm very sorry Flowers

My niece is 8 and an IVF child. Dsis and i have a very close and honest relationship. When I told her I was pregnant with my second, she was over the moon, but admitted she was envious and felt a pang. And that's when she already has a child and as a sister/ auntie! I'm pleased she was honest. She absolutely adores dd and has thrown herself into having her first niece (she has only nephews apart from dd).

Anyway, it's totally normal and understandable that you feel as you do. I really do wish you all the luck in the world and am sorry you're going through this.

ScipioAfricanus · 05/09/2017 09:35

liminality yes I'm quite aware I don't know everything about Kate Middleton's life. However I was sharing my initial reaction to it in fellow feeling with the OP. I thought my exclamation mark and repeated comment of how lucky I am showed that I had self-awareness of the limits of my experience.

Julia2016 · 05/09/2017 10:03

YANBU. You are entitled to feel how you feel, you are very self aware and that's important for your own mental health. I'm sorry this is happening to you. I am currently in limbo about whether I am having a silent miscarriage or not, I'll know tomorrow, I felt a pang as I had DD1 the same day Charlotte was born.

Stay away from the likes of the Daily Mail, the stories would have you believe the royal family are super human, those stories aren't good for anyone to read. I think with KM it's perceived she won life's lottery in many ways and it's only human for people to be envious when most people have troubles.

I won't be reading any tabloids from now on, we will never match up to KM and her life as set out by the media.

Hugs to you OP.

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