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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be jealous of Kate and Wills *self pity*

89 replies

AliceScarlett · 04/09/2017 11:14

Today marks the 25th cycle of DH and I trying to conceive. Nearly 2 years now and I'm losing hope. So I'm feeling sorry for myself and to make things worse Kate is all over my FB feed with her 3rd child.
Of course everyone at work is pregnant too.
I know self pity isn't helpful, I know feeling sorry for myself isn't wise, I know not being strong and resilient is only making this worse.
I hate feeling jealous because I also feel angry at myself and guilty for feeling jealous.
So I spend time moaning on the internet Confused

OP posts:
SleepFreeZone · 04/09/2017 11:55

I like announcing your period on Facebook Grin

dameednatheaverage · 04/09/2017 11:57

You are totally within your rights to moan. For different reasons, I feel the same, despite knowing how incredibly fortunate I am! I am insanely jealous and I don't mind who knows it!! Good luck and best wishes

EssentialHummus · 04/09/2017 11:59

Not unreasonable at all OP. It's tough going and you sound very self-aware. Flowers

SnowBells · 04/09/2017 12:02

I get you... we're going to be going through our 3rd IVF later this year. Confused

Monkeytree · 04/09/2017 12:02

Totally natural to feel this way x These announcements only seem to serve highlighting others feelings when going through infertility/miscarriage. I have two dcs but lost my third child (late miscarriage) just before Princess Charlotte was born and can relate to the feelings that you mention.

Monkeytree · 04/09/2017 12:07

Oh and facebook is awful for baby announcements. I thought I had escaped them as most of my friends are older - but now it seems there is a new rash of people announcing new grandchildren and posting baby pictures. I'm in a better place now but I always scroll past these quickly. People who haven't been through these experiences don't get it. Sorry to hear you are having a difficult time x

MummyJess123 · 04/09/2017 12:10

I do feel great sorrow for you and I admire your resilience to keep on after 25 cycles.

However 'Of course everyone at work is pregnant too', you don't know that these people haven't had their own struggles with concieving and are every bit as jealous as the next person because they have to deal with such fear and anxiety in their much wanted pregnancy. Maybe you could try looking at forums for those suffering with infertility and find yourself some support there too?

I wish you all the best and I hope this time is the time for you x

MoosicalDaisy · 04/09/2017 12:14

YANBU

I'll join you. 5+ years, failed IVF. And breathe!

CaveMum · 04/09/2017 12:15

Definitely ok to feel like this. When they announced their first pregnancy I was exactly where you are, 2.5 years into TTC and on the fertility treatment merry-go-round. I think I cried every time her pregnancy was mentioned on the news.

By the time Kate gave birth to Prince George I was 6 weeks pregnant with DD (now 3.5) and we also now have DS (4.5 months) thanks to fertility treatment.

I won't patronise you by saying "it will happen" because we all know that unfortunately life isn't always fair, but I will say you are not alone and you will find wonderful support on here from others who have been/are in the same position.

florafoxtrot · 04/09/2017 12:22

Same here, feeling insanely jealous/hard done by and have only been trying for a year. Flowers and sending lots of support

Ropsleybunny · 04/09/2017 12:23

💐💐💐

coastalchick · 04/09/2017 12:27

hugs to you - feeling same. Had a confirmed MMC last week and had to go in for the tablets on saturday - bleeding heavily and still v raw. So last thing I needed this morning was to see that plastered all over the news. Then I feel bad for not being happy for them as a child is a blessing.

I've come off FB also - can't stand it. And people who haven't been through MC etc just don't get it.

Kitsandkids · 04/09/2017 12:38

I remember when she was pregnant with George. My husband said to me 'I know you'll be happy to hear the news' (because generally I love babies and am also quite pro Royal) and I sort of snarled at him, 'Why? It's just yet another person who can get pregnant when I can't!'

More than 4 years later and I'm now sitting cuddling my own 3 month old baby. We'd been married 9 years when I conceived. I'm not sure why I couldn't for so long or why it suddenly happened, but I know I am very lucky and that it doesn't happen for everyone.

I do know how it feels to see what feels like hundreds of people around you getting pregnant when you can't and it is truly rubbish.

Ginfernal · 04/09/2017 12:45

Oh I hear you. Have some gentle hugs.
I'm throwing a pity party today. Fortunate to have one but secondary infertility and on my 67th regularly scheduled period since trying for a second.
Just so very broken now.

SleepFreeZone · 04/09/2017 12:47

I imagine Pippa will be announcing soon too.

shortgreengiraffe · 04/09/2017 12:53

Same here although I think we are 'only' on cycle 20. Hoping we get to the front of the IVF before they cut the funding. I am thinking of coming off Facebook - the memes all about how hard it is to be a parent get me down more than the announcements. I am sure it is hard, but I bet it isn't half as hard as not having the chance to be one.

MrsJayy · 04/09/2017 12:57

You don't have to be "strong" or "brave" you are entitled to feel pissed off and upset and vent away better venting here than at your partner or somebody at work where you have to put the face on for. Im sorry you are going through this this though must be heartbreaking Flowers

TooManyBigFatLies · 04/09/2017 13:23

Thanks It's ok to have a moan and to feel sorry for yourself. I think it's good for you. It's better than trying to be fake happy and brave all the time.

fridgepants · 04/09/2017 13:30

This reply has been withdrawn

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fridgepants · 04/09/2017 13:31

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toomuchtooold · 04/09/2017 13:39

Moan away. It was Kat and Alfie on EastEnders that always seemed to coincide with my miscarriages. It's that feeling of it being inescapable that I really hated.
Flowers

scrabbler3 · 04/09/2017 13:48

When my ex husband and I separated it seemed as if every man and his dog were getting engaged and outing pictures of adorned left hands all over Facebook, so I kind of know how it feels. It's galling. And then you feel mean for being a bit envious rather than totally joyful. I get it.

I really really hope you're pregnant by the end of the year OP. Take care.

morningconstitutional2017 · 04/09/2017 13:59

I hope that things will work out for you eventually and no-one would blame you for feeling jealous or self-pitying in this situation.

Have a little cry, or a whinge, then you'll feel better and it's chin up, lass.

MidnightAura · 04/09/2017 14:03

I'm sorry, you are not being unreasonable, DH and I have been ttc for three years and awaiting IVF. It is incredibly hard.

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 04/09/2017 14:05

I hear you OP. I have a 2.5 yo but have had 2 MCs this year and the news just made me feel a bit sad.

I know it's lovely for them and I shouldn't feel so envious but several of my NCT group have had second babies or are pg again, and I'm getting pretty downhearted. Still very lucky and happy with DD.

Flowers to you OP and anyone else feeling grumpy about their lovely news Blush

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