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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What to do?

159 replies

NSBZA · 04/09/2017 07:34

Hi all,
Not sure how to approach next-
DH's brother got married recently- I was 8 months pregnant- so only attended for a few hours with my two other DC.
As soon as I and DC walk in- had all of DH's family assault us with taking a million pictures of us.
As I didn't take any due to watching over my DC and DH being busy- I swapped numbers with DH's relative so she could then forward pictures to me afterwards.
I waited a few days for her to do- but nothing.
I text her to do so- first she came out with excuses- saying haven't had a chance etc etc
Then completely blanking my messages.
It's now been a couple of months and still nothing- no contact. (Yet she regularly checks my snap story).
I am really angry with myself for allowing them access to my children and giving permission for them to take pictures- and foolishly thinking they would be shared back with me.
I have no pictures of me and my DC and DH from the wedding.
It is really upsetting and I don't know what to do now?

No stupid comments.

OP posts:
Ceto · 04/09/2017 13:27

Is there any reason why you can't ask the other people who took photos? I know this person specifically agreed to do so on your behalf, but the others may well be fine about sharing their photos.

WineAndTiramisu · 04/09/2017 13:30

If the entire family descended on you in a paparazzi scrum to take photos, then I'd ask some of the others in the scrum to send you some photos.

Otherwise I'd forget about it and take my own camera next time

missmollyhadadolly · 04/09/2017 13:36

yes assault- we hadn't even walked in and were surround with pictures being taken non stop for the entire time we were there of us solely.

This sounds like paranoia.

I think if there were lots of people taking photos of you, you would have asked them for some pictures.

Also, the camera belonged to the relative, so the pictures belong to them too. They didn't not take the pictures 'no your behalf'. They own the pictures.

WatchingFromTheWings · 04/09/2017 13:55

For everyone taking it out of context let me re-phrase my initial question-
What would you do next after trying to contact someone numerous times to get the pictures that they promised to share back with you and haven't

Accept I'm not ever likely to get the pictures and forget about them.

NoMoreDecorating · 04/09/2017 14:01

OP if you have snapchat how do you not have a phone that can take pictures...?

Mulberry72 · 04/09/2017 14:22

@socubatevira, possibly! Always reminds me of holidays 😊

certainlynotsusan · 04/09/2017 14:24

I rarely get the chance to take photos when out with my kids (all preschool age). I too, would be a little upset if someone had agreed to send me the photos of my children and I as I wasn't in a position to take any, and then hadn't done so and had started blanking me.

It sounds like there's a horribly complicated back story to this - which clearly isn't helping.

Sorry you didn't get the photos. I agree with the PP who said try one last time (or better still ask DH if he could please try) and then chalk it up as a bad experience.

MTverystressed · 04/09/2017 14:26

was just about to post about the snap chat stories...

Original poster
NSBZA · 04/09/2017 16:33

@certainlynotsusan thank you! Finally a real person who understands how hard it is with young children.
And all those concerned about my snap chat- I had a different phone then with me that day which didn't have the best picture quality and I did offer my phone- but was told that the picture quality was superior on that persons phone and I was trying to make an effort to get along despite everything since I had made to the effort to attend.

OP posts:
Original poster
NSBZA · 04/09/2017 16:35

Anyway not going on about it any further- just wanted to thank the lady few people who responded with their sensible well balanced answers and kind words x

OP posts:
m0therofdragons · 04/09/2017 16:39

Haha
Aibu?
Everyone: yes
2 people agree / understand op
Op: thank you to those 2 people, everyone else is wrong.

Op, it's slightly baffling and disappointing but really not worth stressing over more than raised eyebrows. Quite a few of us have young dc by the way!

Hope your baby is okay.

minoandolphin · 04/09/2017 16:53

So essentially, you've posted on AIBU not to actually ask if you're being unreasonable, but to get a very specific response in order to validate your rather extreme emotional reaction? The people who managed to win your game by hitting on the correct response are 'sensible and well balanced' and everyone else gets extremely rude responses and are even forbidden from commenting?

Op if all you want is someone to reflect your own opinion I suggest talking to yourself in a mirror. In real life, people will not always agree with you.

Witsender · 04/09/2017 17:01

You genuinely think that the majority of posters here, on MUMSnet don't know what it is like to have young children? Righty ho. 😂

Orchardgreen · 04/09/2017 17:11

OP are you from Southern Africa?

purplecorkheart · 04/09/2017 17:14

I would ring this person rather than message them. I am a person who is guilty of seeing a message and plan to send on the photos later and then forget. If someone phoned me I would remember to send them. I know this as easy when it is your in laws

EdmundCleverClogs · 04/09/2017 17:20

Chop chop change goes the story. You're quite right of course, no one on Mumsnet quite understands the difficulty of having young children....

FrancisCrawford · 04/09/2017 17:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Katenka · 04/09/2017 17:28

Finally a real person who understands how hard it is with young children.

So anyone who disagrees isnt real? Hmm

Also, your phone couldnt take photos but now it could just crap ones.

Is that like you going and only staying a bit dur to pregnancy, changing to only staying for a bit due to your issues with the family?

Theres an awful amount of drip feeding.

Bluntness100 · 04/09/2017 17:39

we hadn't even walked in and were surround with pictures being taken non stop for the entire time we were there of us solely

This isn't right, someone's wedding and for several hours the whole guest base did nothing but take photos of you. If this was the case why did you stay and why was your husband too busy doing other stuff if there was nothing going on apart from all the guests photographing his family.

Allthebestnamesareused · 04/09/2017 17:41

Was the exotic wedding in Maui? GrinGrinHmm

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 04/09/2017 17:41

Finally a real person who understands how hard it is with young children.

Well for starters I am a 'real person' Hmm and I know exactly what it's like to have young children.

HTH

Pigface1 · 04/09/2017 17:46

What I'm not understanding is why you so desperately need the photos now. I mean you have the children. You can see them in real life. You can take your own photos. Your comments about 'assault' and 'allowing people access' sounds like a safeguarding concern. Is the issue here that you are concerned that a family member will do something untoward with the photos if they aren't shared with you?

NellieBuff · 04/09/2017 17:49

NSBZA I hope your baby is keeping better but your initial query and subsequent responses are defensive to say the least. They are just pictures taken at a wedding - let it go and concentrate on the important things in your life.

redexpat · 04/09/2017 18:00

I have been similarly disappointed in the past by both SILS' husbands' families not sending on group shots of us all. Especially when the main reason I wanted them was for PILs photocalendar. Even with the most well behaved placid dc its a struggle to get good pictures of everyone when dc are little and even more so if youre on crutches. So from a sympathetic standpoint I say chalk it up to experience and move on. Dont ever agree to that setup again. Perhaps if you can afford it book a session with a photographer for a few months time so youll have something to look forward to, and it wont be associated with dhs family.

I know that what your posts seem to others like an overreaction but if your boundaries and been bulldozed in the past then something like this can be the final straw that breaks the camels back. If thats not the case then yes it is an overreaction.

BitOutOfPractice · 04/09/2017 23:46

It was an exotic wedding not a church wedding.

Was it in Maui? Sorry, couldn't resist.

OP you seem very stressed and wound up. Understandable if your baby is poorly. (I wish you abs then all the very best Flowers) but I think you really do need to take a deep breath and let this go.

In fairness to everyone giving opinions (which you asked for!) you haven't given us much back story to go on and the crutches were a massive drop feed. Plus you have been rather tetchy.

I hope you can move on from this and your baby is better soon